I thought we were at the end of this until last week and I'm having a rough time with this,"
Diane said after we had our last session of marriage counseling for men. The week before, she had received an email from the other woman stating that her husband, Ray, still has been lying to her.
Last year Ray had a year long affair with a woman he met on Facebook. He had previously told Diane that he ended the affair 8 months ago.
In our counseling to survive an affair, I coached Ray on the benefits of his being completely honest, even when it meant admitting to Diane that he had been lying to her again, and I helped him to tell her that he really didn't totally end it until 2 months ago.
As far as Diane's concerned, that's what he says right now. How's she really going to know when it's over? How's she going to know when she can really trust him again?
She later asked me,
Have you ever seen couples in our situation who really are able to trust the other person again? From what you have seen from the both of us, do you think it's possible or am I just being naive?"
I told her yes, I have seen couples survive infidelity and rebuild trust after an affair. I also told her that it's required complete honesty to be practiced, new behaviors to prove that things have changed, and an extended period of time to restore the trust.
Surviving infidelity in marriage is about practicing honesty, trust building, and time.
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