Porn Addiction

Learning the Truth About Porn

Contents

Note: Click the link to go directly to any of the following topics

Introduction

Real Stories

Jim
Lisa

Definitions

What is Porn?
What is Pornography Addiction?

Common Questions

What is a Sex Addict?
How Do I Know If My Husband is Addicted to Porn?
What are the Symptoms of a Porn Addiction?
Why Are Men Addicted to Porn?
Am I Addicted to Porn If I Watch It Regularly?
Some of the Side Effects of Watching Porn
How Porn Affects Women

There is Hope

How to Quit Porn
How to Help a Porn Addict

The Rest of the Story

Jim
Lisa

What To Do Next

Introduction

Porn addiction is one of those subjects no one wants to talk about. The terms porn and pornography have a lot of negative connotations associated with them so they're usually avoided.

Many people believe that a porn addict is some creepy, anti-social man who stares at young girls and women, hangs out at strip clubs, and spends the rest of his free time in a dark room on his computer.

Unlike other addictions, such as alcohol or opioid, porn addiction isn't widely understood as a problem and doesn't elicit much empathy. This isn't so surprising though given the negative perceptions of pornography. Yet porn has actually become more and more mainstream and increasingly socially acceptable in recent years. For people who are dealing with the negative effects of porn though – those addicted and their partners – it's very confusing and contradictory.

Generally speaking, pornography is losing its stigma. Yet the number people who reach out to us every day for help makes it clear that porn causes big, big problems.

Porn is a subject that people may laugh or joke about, trying to seem open and easy-going, but many times, internally, they feel uncomfortable, guilty, or both. It’s the dirty little secret that no one wants to admit enjoying or having a problem with.

This leaves anyone struggling with a porn addiction in a tough predicament.

Do you admit you have a problem you're embarrassed and ashamed of and risk the repulsion and rejection of those who are close to you?

Or do you believe the messages in the media that say there's nothing wrong with watching porn?

This article is written to help you answer those questions along with the many more you likely have about porn addiction. At Guy Stuff we have nearly 20 years of experience treating addiction to porn – which requires specific expertise and a unique approach to be successful. In the sections that follow you'll find real-life examples of guys who've struggled with porn and overcome the addiction. You'll also read stories of the challenges faced by the partners of these men, gain a deeper understanding of what a pornography addiction really is, and get answers to the most common questions we get asked by both men and women.

Read this article and you'll learn the truth about porn and what happens when watching porn becomes an addiction.

Real Stories

Jim

Like most men, Jim had looked at porn before. There were times when he’d get pulled into it for a while and then others when he was too preoccupied with the rest of his life.

According to Jim it had been a while since he'd last looked at porn and he was curious as to what was new out there. So when he did a search online for porn he was surprised by how easy it was and how much he found.

Each click on an image took him to another and another and another - each more exciting than the last. Before he knew it hours had gone by.

Like many men, Jim, got lured in by the seduction and availability of porn. He considers himself a normal guy with a pretty normal life, but out of nowhere he's found himself with a porn problem.

The more he looks, the more he wants to see. It’s available any time and he can find any variation of sexual fantasy he wants – and with no objection, questions or judgment.

Now Jim thinks about porn all of the time. He finds ways to watch it any chance he can get, and it's starting to take a toll on his marriage and overall life. He's got a porn addiction, but doesn't know it.

Lisa

Jim’s wife, Lisa, had noticed some changes in him. He had become secretive, especially with his phone and laptop, and withdrawn from her. He was spending more time alone in his office and would come to bed later and later. And their relationship had become strained, especially their sex life. She wasn't sure if it was just the stress of his job or something more.

Lisa knew Jim had watched porn in the past, she had seen it on his laptop. She even caught him watching it once when he didn’t realize she had come home.

But when she asked him about it he just said there was nothing to worry about and changed the subject.

The distance between them made Lisa feel hurt and alone.

Those old worries quickly returned as she thought about Jim possibly being more interested in the women on the screen than in her, and when they were together she wondered if he was fantasizing about them.

She became even more self-conscious about her body and insecure about being intimate with him, so she pulled away too and this multiplied the distance between them in other areas of their relationship. After a while it seemed like they were barely speaking.

Without realizing it, Jim had created a major problem in their relationship. Secrets, lies, and unrealistic expectations had made things with Lisa really uncomfortable and neither one of them was happy.

Definitions

What Is Porn?

Porn is defined as any material that is sexual in nature and is produced or used with the intent to sexually arouse. While the porn label used to only apply to magazines like Playboy and Penthouse, or hard to find porno videos, it encompasses so much more in today’s world.

Even though pornography has existed in different forms for most of human history, it's never been as accessible or as explicit as it is today. Anyone with a smart phone now has access to view, or even make, porn. It can be viewed anywhere – at work, school, on the subway, or basically anywhere the urge strikes. The average age for first exposure to porn is now 11-years-old, and many teenagers (even pre-teens) engage in sending pornographic images and pics to one another through the common practice of “sexting.”

Porn used to be categorized as either softcore and hardcore to delineate how graphic the sexual content. While these descriptions do still apply, porn has become so mainstream that these labels are rarely used anymore. Porn is everywhere – on social media, in mainstream movies, and it's joked about in network television shows.

A Gallup poll in 2018 found that 43% of Americans find porn morally acceptable. This is up 7% in one year; from 36% who approved in 2017.

There are very few societal barriers anymore to watching porn, which makes it seem like it's an okay and harmless thing to do. But that's simply not the case.

Despite the cultural messages normalizing, even glamorizing porn, it still has a negative impact on those who view it and the people around them. With porn's drug-like pull and easy accessibility it's no wonder that so many men (and more and more women too) have developed a porn addiction.

What Is Pornography Addiction?

Pornography addiction can be a very confusing term.

Many women think that any man who watches porn is addicted to it. And men who watch it regularly believe they can stop any time and that it hasn’t negatively affected them. Neither one of those beliefs are true.

So what's the truth about porn addiction?

The truth is that pornography addiction is actually less common than women believe and more frequent than men want to accept.

Men by design are visually stimulated, and therefore easily attracted to the visual nature of porn, but this doesn't mean that all men who've looked at porn online have a porn addiction. Being drawn to sexual imagery is normal. However, in order for porn viewing to become an addiction there are other criteria that must be considered.

Most of us like and enjoy sex, or at least understand the appeal of sexual gratification. Online porn makes getting that enjoyment anytime you want easily and anonymously. Thus porn viewing can quickly become habitual and cross the line into an addiction to porn. It's a very slippery slope.

Men are the primary consumers of porn. And since women often view sex differently and are typically less aroused by visual stimuli, most find it difficult to see the appeal of porn for men. The range of emotions and reactions from women when they realize the man the care about watches porn can vary. They may feel repulsed, confused, angry, threatened, or take it to mean that something about themselves isn’t good enough. Or they may believe it's just what guys do and there's nothing wrong with it.

Porn may not be a drug, but it has the same effects and can be equally as addictive. It's so easy to find with a simple click or swipe, often we don't even have to seek it out as you can just stumble upon it, and looking seems harmless. Yet viewing porn has the same effects on the brain as drugs like alcohol or cocaine. And it can be just as destructive too.

For most men the struggle with sexual temptation is very real. Combine that with the availability of more than 2.3 billion porn pages on the Internet (as of 2017) – in 2010 there were only 500 million, (read more Pornography Statistics), along with sexual messages that are nearly everywhere in our culture, and it's no wonder we have a world where a lot of men wrestle with a porn addiction. And where there are well defined pathways for dealing with other addictions, like alcohol or drugs, pornography addiction treatment can be confusing and embarrassing, and therefore usually never properly addressed. This leads to many problems, especially in forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

Nearly all men are embarrassed and ashamed about their desire to look at porn. As a result, they usually watch porn in secret, and will be deceitful and hide it. When caught they'll deny it, lie about it, rationalize it, make excuses and blame it on someone or something else.

Pornography addiction is a serious problem, causing significant damage to men and women, and yet for the most part isn't recognized as the cancer that it is.

Common Questions

There are a lot of questions people have when it comes to porn addiction. What's most important for you to know? Below are answers to some of the most commonly asked and relevant questions.

What Is A Sex Addict?

My husband watches porn, does this mean he's a sex addict? Probably not.

Being addicted to sex isn't the same thing as being addicted to porn.

A sex addict, or sexaholic as people are sometimes called, are typically involved in sexual behavior directly involving other people.

They may become promiscuous and put themselves in risky and sometimes dangerous or compromising situations. This behavior can lead to problems that threaten not only their own health and safety, but also those they love. Sex addicts find the need for sexual release so important that other parts of their lives like work, money, and personal relationships will become neglected or sacrificed all together.

Porn addiction on the other hand, involves imagery and fantasy, not contact with real people.

Where someone addicted to sex will want to engage with real people to fulfill his addiction, the porn addict typically only wants the screen. Although watching porn can evolve into and become part of a sex addiction, or result in cheating, it usually doesn't involve other people. The negative effects of porn addiction can be equally as serious though, and can range from issues in forming and maintaining relationships, sexual performance problems, and disruptions in daily life.

While a number of women would say their partner's desire for sex makes them seem like a sexaholic, there's much more to it than a high sex drive.

It's not uncommon for women to confuse their partner's porn viewing with a sex addiction.

But rather than being a sex addict it's more likely they're actually a porn addict. However, if you feel that you or someone you love is truly addicted to sex and has become a sex addict, you'll need a professional's help in accurately diagnosing and treating the addiction. The need to satisfy these urges is extremely powerful and can lead to very dangerous consequences for both them and the people they love.

How Do I Know If My Husband Is Addicted To Porn?

Determining if your husband is addicted to porn can be tough. If he does have a porn addiction it will take a toll on many areas of your relationship – trust, intimacy, and respect are just a few.

However, it's difficult to know if changes in these areas are the result of porn viewing or due to something else. Parenting a challenging child can be taxing on both of you and have a negative impact on other places of your relationship like trust or intimacy. However, there are certain signs that can be strong indicators that your husband is watching porn addictively and that it's having an impact.

How can you know for sure? Take a look at the following list. If you see any of these behaviors it's possible that your husband may have a porn addiction.

Excessive amounts of time spent alone on his phone or computer, such as staying up late after everyone else has gone to bed.

Secretive behavior, especially when it comes to what he's doing on the phone or computer. Is his phone locked or internet history always cleared?

Your relationship is distant and you feel disconnected.

Change in your sex life – lack of interest, extreme interest, or new or strange sexual requests.

He asks you to watch porn with him, or you used to do this together and now he no longer wants to.

Moodiness, irritability or anger has increased.

Again, what makes it difficult to know if your boyfriend has become addicted to porn is that the behaviors above can arise from a number of causes other than just porn. For instance, depression, cheating, or a midlife crisis can have many of the same affects. Yet even with the existence of one of these other issues porn can also be present and contributing to these problem behaviors.

In Jim’s case things started slowly and out of curiosity. Once things had reached the level of addiction he wasn’t even aware how much his behavior had changed and how it was affecting his wife and family. Even though he was finding himself tired during the day because he was staying up later and later watching porn in his home office, he ignored the problem. His desire for porn overrode his need for sleep and he continued to watch.

Lisa could tell that Jim’s behavior had changed, but she didn’t want to think her husband actually had a porn addiction. By the time she had to face the fact that he was truly addicted to porn, things were nearly over between the two of them. Had she paid closer attention as the symptoms presented themselves she might have been able to get him to acknowledge the changes, do something about it and saved them each a lot of pain.

What Are The Symptoms Of A Porn Addiction?

While some symptoms of porn addiction can vary from person to person, there are a number that are fairly common.

If you're struggling to not watch porn and wonder if you might be addicted, here are a few of the biggest symptoms of a porn addiction:

Secrecy, deception and lying about porn viewing.

An increasing need for more and more porn in order to feel satisfied.

A desire for increasingly more explicit sexual images.

Losing large chunks of time because of porn viewing.

Withdrawal from your relationships.

Desire for types of sex formerly not interested in (Anal sex, threesomes, lesbian sex, etc.).

Inability to find sexual satisfaction with real partners.

You'll need to be really honest with yourself as you consider each of these.

It's easy to excuse, justify and/or rationalize any of them and not admit their connection to viewing porn. For instance, isn't an interest in sexual experimentation and livening things up normal? Sure, but the origin for it may not be a healthy one.

And if your partner isn't comfortable with your new interest you need to be respectful of that as you negotiate an acceptable compromise.

If you're the partner of someone who has some of these symptoms of porn addiction then you should be concerned. Even though it can be difficult to see or know many of these things. A porn addict will also go to great lengths to hide any signs of their addiction to porn.

Most people feel embarrassed about their need to watch porn in order to feel sexually satisfied.

They may say the things you're seeing aren't signs of a porn addiction, but rather a harmless pastime. It's also possible the porn viewer will blame their watching on his or her partner, claiming their partner's lack of interest or creativity regarding sex has pushed them to this point.

Could this be you?

Do you justify or blame your watching porn on your partner?

Or are you the partner of that person?

If you think you're seeing the symptoms of addiction to porn in yourself or partner, don’t ignore it. Typically it doesn't stop without help.

Why Are Men Addicted To Porn?

Porn is primarily a visual experience. Men are attracted to porn because they're wired to be stimulated visually. Another component of porn, sex, is something that men have a strong interest in. Combine the visual experience with the appeal of sex and you have a powerful combination, particularly for men. This is why marketers use this formula to sell cars, beer, and just about everything else.

Ultimately the reason why men really get addicted to porn is the reward system in the brain that is releasing powerful chemicals while men view pornography. The visual-sexual combo affect described above is multiplied many times over by the pleasure chemicals the brain unleashes. The effect porn has on the brain is similar to that of cocaine. In fact, porn use can actually cause the brain to rewire itself.

After viewing porn the brain's take away is, "Hey, that felt really good. Let's do that again!"

Let's take a look at addiction to porn from a different perspective. Instead of asking the question of why people get addicted to porn, let's consider why someone would watch it in the first place and what happens when they do. A cocaine addict doesn’t snort or smoke cocaine the first time with the objective of becoming addicted. They usually start out of a simple desire to feel good. The same can be said for porn addicts – they didn’t watch the first time in order to get addicted to porn, but simply because it was pleasurable or like in Jim's case because of curiosity.

Yet the initial desire to watch porn usually comes from more than just wanting to feel good. Curiosity, loneliness, fear of intimacy, and fantasy fulfillment are all potential additional reasons. We all have the desire to escape or avoid uncomfortable circumstances in our lives.

Viewing porn provides a quick way to escape pain and feel pleasure.

Unfortunately, these reasons don’t go away because someone watched once.

This escape aspect and the pleasure that porn offers is a big reason why men become addicted to porn. An endless flow of alluring images is just a couple of swipes or clicks away – one fantasy after another.

The temptation to chase sexual fantasies that may have never been shared with anyone before and to do so again and again, or the possibility of finding an even more exciting fantasy can be too strong for some people to resist, and before long certain people will find they've become addicted to porn and the escape it provides.

Throw in the brain chemicals that get released while watching and the experience porn provides can be extremely hard to turn away from.

Unfortunately, a porn addiction, or any other kind of addiction, doesn’t fix the initial problem that led to it. Without addressing the underlying reasons why men become addicted to porn it's difficult to break the cycle of addiction that drives porn viewing.

Am I Addicted To Porn If I Watch It Regularly?

If you watch porn on a regular basis then, yes, it's likely that you're addicted to porn. But you probably don't know it or believe this is really true. No one wants to believe they've lost control over something.

Don't get hung up over whether or not you're addicted to porn. Regardless of whether you're addicted, it's good that you're willing to ask yourself this question. You don't have to be a porn addict to have porn negatively impacting your life.

So how do you know if you're really addicted to porn? Answer the following questions and be totally honest with yourself as you do:

Do you find yourself thinking about porn frequently?

Do you look forward to having private time so you can watch porn?

Have you chosen to watch porn over spending time with family or friends?

Do you lose large chunks of your time watching porn?

Has your relationship with your partner changed because of your porn viewing?

Is it difficult to become aroused or maintain an erection without porn?

Do you find it difficult to climax without porn?

If you answered yes to any of these questions it's quite possible that you really are addicted to porn.

There are a number of problems that porn addiction can create in your life and relationships. As you can see from these questions, the level of your addiction or dependence upon porn is partially determined by the impact it's having on other areas of your life. Take a look at the list of effects shown above under the question, "How do I know if my husband is addicted to porn?" to get a better idea of the widespread affects, or read the next section.

Are you secretive, dishonest, or do you outright lie about viewing porn? Then that's a sign you could be addicted to porn. Has your sex life changed because of the influence of porn? This doesn't only mean you want more or less sex than usual, but your desires and interests have changed too. Porn influences what you you want and how you want it. A new interest in anal sex or having a threesome can arise from watching porn and could be another possible clue you've become addicted.

Keep in mind that you don't have to watch every day to be addicted to porn. An addiction is more about how and why you use porn than it is the frequency.

Some Side Effects Of Watching Porn

People rarely stop to consider the side effects of watching porn can have on a man, his partner (or future one), and his relationships. For most it seems like a harmless activity. This is far from the case, however.

Regular porn viewing has many side effects and can cause a wide variety problems. Here is list of just a few of them:

Destruction of Intimacy. When a man watches porn on regular basis it negatively affects his relationship in a number of ways. The end result will be a wedge driven between he and his partner that will destroy their intimacy. The women on the screen can become more intriguing leading to decreased sexual intimacy with his real-life partner. For those women who know about their partner's porn habit, whether they approve or not, a natural result for a wife or girlfriend is questioning her sexual attraction to him, body image and ultimately her worth. It's very likely that a wife or girlfriend will begin to disengage from their sexual relationship, or be a less willing and enthusiastic partner since she feels as though she's being compared to and cannot compete with porn stars.

Loss of Trust. Many men will go to great lengths to hide their porn watching, the frequency or extent of it. However, it's nearly impossible to do this forever and so nearly all are found out at some point. There are always signs. Because of this desire to be secretive and hide porn viewing, trust in the relationship will be damaged. This is one of the destructive effects of porn – loss of the trust necessary for a relationship to be healthy. The loss of trust is hard to repair, as distrust usually bleeds into other aspects of the relationship as well. Not being able to trust someone in one area will make it difficult to trust them in any area.

Unrealistic Ideas About Sex. Whether you're a man watching porn, or a woman, pornography will create unrealistic ideas about what a healthy sexual relationship looks like. The people on the screen are generally paid for their performance and what you're seeing isn't how women, or men for that matter, typically behave in a sexual relationship. These are choreographed scenes based on fantasies that producers want to portray, not what it's like in real life. That porn star who's always ready to get it on doesn't exist in real life - even in her personal life she's not always like this even with her own partner.

Inappropriate Expectations. Porn is fantasy. Yet regular exposure to porn can cause men to think that it could or should be their reality. It can fuel the forming of expectations for a sexual relationship that aren't practical. In porn the women are always up for giving oral sex, for example, or welcome anal intercourse, whereas that may not be the case with your partner. For this reason porn viewing can have a dramatic effect on how you feel about your own sex life, leaving you constantly wanting it to be more or different, or feeling like what you have isn’t good enough or is less than what other men have.

Inhibited Sexual Function. Because of the affects porn has on the brain, it can have a significant impact on psychological and biological functioning. While some will argue that porn makes their sexual performance even better, over time it can actually have the opposite effect. Men may start to find that they're unable to achieve an orgasm with a woman and can only do so with the added stimulation of masturbation and porn. They may also find that they're unable to get and/or maintain an erection without porn. Many cases of erectile dysfunction (ED) are actually examples of porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED), especially in younger men. Obviously, these issues can create significant problems in any relationship.

Everyone's situation is different, so the side effects of watching porn will vary. However, if you're struggling with an addiction to porn you're going to relate to at least some what's been described here. Jim and Lisa certainly could after reading this list.

How Porn Affects Women

Men usually don't think about the affects porn can have on their wives or girlfriends. They believe since it doesn't involve them it doesn't hurt them either. Yet despite this belief porn viewing is almost always kept a secret – usually because a man isn't completely comfortable with it himself, as well as they don't want to risk a negative response from their partner.

Most women aren't fans of porn.

There are some women, however, who claim not to mind porn or even enjoy it themselves, but these women are typically also unaware of its negative effects.

While it's possible a man might get an accepting reaction from his partner, it's not likely. Porn isn't something that most women are interested in. In fact, many are very strongly opposed to it. When a husband or boyfriend watches porn and his partner knows about it most often it drives a wedge between them leading to fights, intimacy problems and potentially a break-up.

Wives and girlfriends can be deeply hurt by partners choosing to watch porn, finding themselves repulsed and disgusted. And although women do react to visual stimulation, it's not to the same degree or to the same things, as men. The sexually explicit images in porn are often disturbing and sometimes even feel threatening to women. The idea of their partner regularly viewing porn images will cause most wives or girlfriends to pull away from the relationship.

Porn in general demeans and exploits women, and creates a false idea for men of what sexual relationships generally are like. For this reason, a man’s porn addiction can hurt his partner deeply and cause big problems in a marriage or relationship. There can also be detrimental psychological effects on women when their partners watch porn.

A husband’s or boyfriend’s desire to watch porn can make a women think like she isn't good enough, attractive enough, or satisfying enough for the man she loves.

She can start to feel uncomfortable being intimate or allowing herself to be seen undressed, believing she's being compared to the women in the videos. Ultimately, rather than helping a sex life, watching porn can destroy it.

The bottom line is that the affect porn has on women isn't positive. But the same is true of the affect it has on men as well. Unfortunately, most of us are either ignorant of this fact or choose to ignore it.

"I'm so ashamed and embarrassed to admit I have this problem. But you've made it easier. It's nice to take the 'clinical' aspect out of it and allow it to feel like you're talking to a buddy who 'gets it.' I want to thank you for all of your very helpful advice and opening my eyes to things about myself. Thanks Doc. You are compassionate, empathetic, and wise."

-Darrell

There is Hope

How to Quit Porn

Quitting any addiction can be difficult. However, quitting porn can be especially tough because of the very personal nature of the problem.

Most men are embarrassed and reluctant to admit they've got a problem. As a result, finding a way to stop watching porn and get past a porn addiction can be a long road – usually filled with many attempts and failures.

Typically, men have tried to stop many, many times on their own. It's easy to be unaware that good intentions and willpower just aren't enough. The incredibly strong draw to watch porn and easy access to pornographic material can make it very difficult to stop. But the failed history of trying to stop on your own, relapsing, trying again, and failing again should be proof enough.

The first step in how to quit porn is to recognize and admit that it's a problem.

**Watching porn isn't just "what all men do" or a harmless pastime** – porn is destructive and creates big issues for the viewer, their partner and relationships.

If your porn watching has started to interfere with your relationship or life overall, even if it doesn't seem to be a big problem yet, it’s time to make changes. Finding a way to stop watching porn consistently and not just temporarily is crucial to not losing the trust and intimacy in your relationship.

The next step in how you quit viewing porn is to break the secrecy.

If you have a problem with porn it's important to understand that you aren't alone, a lot of men do.

It's possible to get over your porn addiction, but it usually takes some help. You'll likely need the assistance of an experienced counselor. The draw of sensual images is just too strong to resist without proven and effective strategies to support you. A counselor can also help you understand the reasons that led you to this point, provide you the tools for quitting and gaining a healthy expectations for sex.

How to Help a Porn Addict

If someone you care about is addicted to porn is there anything you can do about it? Yes, porn addicts can be helped. However, it's not quite as easy as you might assume.

Here are 5 steps of how to begin to help a porn addict:

See their viewing porn as an addiction. Just like an addiction to alcohol or drugs, it's very hard to stop and usually requires professional treatment in order to do so for longer than a temporary period of time.
Try to be understanding, not judgmental. It's easy for partners, especially women, to think, "Why don't you just stop." Like the old anti-drug campaign slogan – "Just say no" – it just isn't that easy. This doesn't mean, however, that you should be accepting of the behavior.
Help them to see the negative affects of watching porn. Is it affecting your sex life, relationship connection, making you feel insecure? If so, tell them this – over and over again if necessary. Ask them to show you they love you by changing.
Nurture a desire to stop. Try seeing your goal as helping them develop the desire to change their habit. It's not your job to get them to stop, that's their responsibility. Yet you can be a positive influence and inspire them to stop. Expand on the negative affects you're sharing with them (Step 3) by discussing the long-term consequences. This can help build their motivation to quit porn.
Develop a sobriety plan. This is best done with the help of a professional counselor. There are pitfalls on the road to sobriety from porn than only an experienced counselor will know how to help you avoid. Just understand that putting an end to watching porn takes a lot more than just saying you will, having good intentions, and using willpower. A plan is crucial for long-term success.

Finding a qualified counselor who has the necessary experience to help you with an addiction to porn is important. Porn addiction treatment is a unique specialty and requires a counselor with specific training, skills, and experience in order for it to be effective.

Helping a porn addict can be extremely difficult.

They're likely to reject you at every turn. Beginning with even admitting they have a problem. Then probably blaming you or other things for their looking.

It takes patience and determination to break through these defensive walls. Remember though that no matter how hopeless it may appear, change is always possible.

If you’re confused, hurting, and don't know what to do . . . you’re not alone.

More than 16+ million men and women dealing with a porn addiction just like you have found the answers to the questions they’ve been looking for with Guy Stuff.

The Rest of the Story

Jim

Jim finally realized he needed help one night when Lisa ended up in tears and left their bedroom. They were attempting to be intimate and he wasn’t able to physically respond to her. In an attempt to move things along he suggested they put on a “movie.” That was the last straw for Lisa.

She began to cry saying,

“If I’m not enough for you then we shouldn’t even be together! Go find one of those women in the videos if that’s what you want!”

With that she left and Jim knew he had a problem, but he had no idea how to fix it.

No matter how he tried he couldn’t seem to respond the same way to Lisa as he did to the videos he watched. And those women were always there – ready and willing to show him anything he wanted to see to satisfy himself. It felt like he had no control and he'd have to choose – porn or Lisa. He wondered if it's ever really possible to quit porn for good.

Lisa

Lisa sat in the dark in their guest room and thought to herself, “I’m done.” This wasn’t what she wanted out of a relationship and she clearly couldn't satisfy Jim. She wasn’t built like those women or willing to do some of the things they did on the screen.

How could he want that more than her?

Had he fallen out of love with her?

She was real and loved him, and those women were paid and on a screen.

She thought about their family and the life they had together. Did she really have to make this choice - accept his porn habit and keep her life with Jim, or leave? There had to be help for them. But how could she ever explain this to someone?

Telling anyone that her husband would rather have sex with himself while watching other women than have sex with her would be humiliating.

She had no idea what to do.

Lisa looked online for help. She found some articles on Guy Stuff's website that helped her understand why Jim was so hooked on porn. The stories in the articles were their story too. So she sent Jim the links.

It took a little time for Jim to finally go to Guy Stuff's website. Part of him wanted to fix things with Lisa, but another part didn't want to give up looking at porn.

Lisa suggested Jim talk to Dr. Kurt. She told him it sounded like this doctor really gets it. Maybe he could help Jim like he has all the other guys talked about in the articles.

Jim was skeptical and dragged his feet. He was embarrassed to admit to another guy that he was addicted to porn.

Eventually Jim set an appointment. Surprisingly, he liked talking to Dr. Kurt. So he had regular meetings with him for awhile. Lisa would join in occasionally. But it was mostly Jim and the "Doc." It turned out not to be as bad as he had expected.

With Dr. Kurt's help Jim learned why he couldn't stop on his own, strategies and tools to use to manage the temptations, and he developed a sobriety plan that he and Lisa use to support him in his goal to stay away from porn. The best thing is that their marriage has turned around as the intimacy and connection between them is growing again.

Can you relate to any of Jim and Lisa's story?

Most men look at porn in secret and feel guilty about it. Most women suspect or know their guy does but don't want to ask or know what to do about it.

For many couples porn is a subject with a lot of pain, shame, and conflict. But it doesn't have to be. With the right help an addiction to porn can be beat.

Start tackling one of life’s most difficult challenges.

From articles and videos to group forums and one-on-one coaching, you’ll find the guidance and support you need right here to get your life back on track.

What To Do Next

While an addiction to porn can develop quickly, ending it doesn't.

It takes some time to rewire the brain, develop new routines, and rebuild trust.

BUT it can be done.

We know the depth of hurt caused by a partner who watches porn and the trap porn becomes for the man who uses it.

For almost 20 years we've literally heard millions of stories from both women and men trying to understand how their relationships got to the point where porn divides them and what they can do to restore the love and respect.

At Guy Stuff we successfully work with couples trying to rebuild their love and intimacy. This one of the reasons why over 300,000 people just like you visit the Guy Stuff website every month looking for answers and hope. We understand the challenges men and their partners face when porn is a problem.

So we’ve designed a series of simple questions to help you each assess the effect of porn on your relationship. Is it really a problem? Or is one partner over reacting? Our 'Am I Addicted to Porn?' Quiz (or 'Is He Addicted to Porn?' Quiz for partners) will help you determine the depth of your porn problem and, if so, give ideas on what you can do about it.

By taking our 'Am I Addicted to Porn?' Quiz (or 'Is He Addicted to Porn?') you’ll learn:

The common symptoms to look for that indicate you or your partner has a porn addiction
How your situation compares to what others just like you are going through
What resources you can turn to for more insights and help

And you’ll get next steps to set you on the path to clarity so you’re ready to move forward.

**Take the Porn Addiction Quiz Now.**

The quiz takes only a couple of minutes to complete. You'll receive your assessment immediately.

Please Note: The Porn Addiction Quiz is in its final stages and will be released later this month. In the meantime, please take either our Partner Rater Quiz to learn what relationship problems are contributing to the use of porn.