I’m a wife surviving infidelity -- again! I have been married for 3 years now, to my second husband. There was infidelity with my first marriage and I have now found out that my current husband has been watching internet porn and chatting online and has even chatted about secretly meeting people. He states he has not followed through with it but not much more communication with each other beyond that. When I ask about going to marriage counseling, he never answers me and always ignores the question. I am going to schedule an appt. for myself but what else can I do to survive infidelity?" -Katie B.
Surviving infidelity can seem impossible, but it’s not. You don’t say what you did when it happened in your first marriage, but I’m glad to hear that you’re ready to take action this time around.
Don’t let his ignoring your requests to talk about it and go to counseling stop you from addressing the infidelity. And, yes this is infidelity. We all want to ignore or minimize things we’re embarrassed about or don’t want to be honest about, so his non-response is not surprising. However, his lack of respect for you is a much bigger concern.
I’m working with several women right now whose husband’s are doing the same thing – denying there’s any problem in their relationships and refusing to go to counseling to discuss their wife’s concerns. One wife is still surviving infidelity from 3 years ago. In my work with these women, we’re developing ways for them to be heard and responded to by their husbands. This is where you need to focus your energy.
-Kurt Smith, Marriage Counselor
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