How Can I Tell If He'll Cheat Again?

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4 Min Read

Contents

4 Questions To Ask If You're Worried He'll Cheat Again
Takeaways When You Ask "Will He Cheat Again?"
FAQs

Cheating in a relationship can feel like an emotional earthquake. It shakes the foundation of your relationship as the trust you painstakingly built brick by brick suddenly comes crashing down in an instant.

Even if you and your partner decide to work through the upheaval and pain to repair the broken trust, there remains the nagging question – Will he cheat again?

When something as hurtful as cheating occurs, it's natural to wonder and worry that it may happen again.

He says he'll never ever cheat again, but you never thought he would in the first place.

He says he's changed, but has he?

So, how do you actually know if he'll cheat again?

While there's no foolproof formula, there are several things to look for and questions to ask to help you determine the chances he will cheat again.

4 Questions To Ask If You're Worried He'll Cheat Again

If he cheated, you're right to worry that it could happen again. It's not a given that he will, but keeping yourself emotionally safe is crucial.

And if you're committed to him and this is supposed to be a long-term partnership, it won't survive without a solid foundation of trust and respect.

Cheating destroys all of that.

Dr. Kurt sees couples each week who are dealing with the aftermath of cheating. One of the biggest questions he get’s asked by women is, “Will he cheat again?”

According to Dr. Kurt, although each situation is different and it can be very complicated,

There's no way to know for certain, but there are three things that can give you the most confidence that he won't – 1) Learn all the reason 'why' he cheated. 2) Both he and you have made changes to address those reasons. 3) Repair the damage done by his cheating to your trust and connection."

So, if you're concerned about the possibility of him cheating again, ask yourself the following questions and carefully consider the answers.

1. Has he taken responsibility?

The first step in determining whether he's likely to cheat again is considering whether he's taken full responsibility for his behavior. No excuses, and no blaming others.

While cheating is generally a response to other problems in a relationship, it's also a choice.

There are several healthier ways to handle relationship struggles, but if cheating was the path he chose, it was just that, a choice, so he needs to take personal responsibility.

Watch for:

Excuses. If he says, "It didn't mean anything," "It just happened," or "It's because we never have sex," beware. Responsibility and apologies shouldn't come with excuses or justifications.

Transparency. Accountability means being open about what happened. While it may be painful, he needs to answer your questions honestly.

If he brushes off the affair as just a "mistake" or avoids discussing it further, it's worth questioning his commitment to change.

2. Is he doing the necessary work to repair your relationship?

Rebuilding trust after cheating is no small task. Repairing the damage takes time, effort, and genuine commitment.

If he's serious about showing you he won't cheat again, he'll be proactive in doing the necessary work.

Watch for:

Willingness to go to counseling. He should be open to counseling to understand the issues that led to the affair and what needs to be done to repair, improve, and safeguard your relationship in the future.

Consistency. Change doesn't happen overnight. Someone who's genuinely committed will show consistent effort over time, not just in the immediate aftermath of being caught.

If he isn’t interested in counseling or working together to fix things, it’s a red flag regarding his commitment to changing his behavior.

3. What do his past and current behaviors tell you?

Past behaviors sometimes predict future actions, so it's important to examine his overall patterns.

Watch for:

Previous affairs. Was this the first time he's cheated, or has there been a pattern of infidelity in your relationship or in his past relationships? Or, perhaps he’s blurred the lines by micro-cheating.

Serial cheaters are very unlikely to change without intervention.

Honesty in other areas. Does he have a history of dishonesty outside of the affair? If he frequently lies about small things, it could indicate he's a pathological liar and will likely cheat again.

While people can change, repeated patterns of dishonesty or disrespect without a demonstrated willingness to change, can suggest he's not ready for a committed and long-term relationship.

4. Have you seen change and growth?

The clearest indication of whether he'll cheat again is the growth and change you see in him.

Watch for:

Self-reflection. A man who's determined not to cheat again will take significant time to reflect on why he cheated in the first place and what he needs to do differently moving forward.

Improved communication. Has he become more open and communicative in your relationship? A healthy relationship relies on honest and vulnerable conversations.

Real change takes time, and it's okay to expect to see consistent growth before fully allowing yourself to trust him again.

Finally, your gut and your instincts.

It's very easy to see what you want to see, both good and bad, so do your best to be clear and balanced in your perspective. But if you're truly concerned he'll cheat again, don't ignore red flags.

Takeaways When You Ask, "Will He Cheat Again?"

Cheating shakes the foundation of any relationship, but it doesn't automatically spell doom if both partners are committed to healing.

That said, it's natural to wonder if it could happen again.

When you ask yourself, "Will he cheat again?" remember to also ask yourself the four questions above about whether he's,

Taken responsibility
Doing the work
Showing worrisome patterns of behavior
Demonstrating clear personal growth and change

And above all, when you're worried about him cheating again, trust your gut and take care of your own mental well-being.

FAQs

Is there any way to know if he’ll cheat again?

For the best indication, ask yourself these 4 crucial questions,

Has he taken responsibility?
Is he actively working to make your relationship better?
What do his past and current behaviors tell you?
Have you seen growth and change in him?

The honest answers to these questions can help you determine the likelihood that he'll cheat again.

What if his assurances that he won't cheat aren't enough for me to start trusting him again?

Rebuilding trust takes time. He needs to understand that your trusting him again won't be easy, it requires empathy, patience, and work on his part.

Talk to him about your concerns. While it may not be easy for him to hear it, he should still care about your concerns and be willing to do what’s needed to rebuild your trust.

You may want to seek help from a professional counselor as you continue watching the effort he puts into repairing your relationship.

Can a relationship ever really recover if he's cheated?

Yes. Couples who address the cheating in a healthy, effective way can go on to have strong, happy relationships. The crucial part is understanding what problems existed in the relationship that led to cheating and fixing them. Doing that requires time, effort, and commitment from both of you.