Part 2 of 2
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Contents
If you know your husband is watching porn then you probably also know firsthand the problems it can cause.
Porn viewing can –
- Erode intimacy
- Cause feelings of inadequacy in women
- Give men unrealistic ideas about what a mutually satisfying sexual relationship with their wife should look like.
- Lead to sexual problems like erectile dysfunction.
Ultimately, watching porn can destroy a relationship.
In Part 1 of this article series, we met Mileena whose intimate relationship with her husband had become strained.
Since having a child, she felt her husband was no longer attracted to her because he didn’t have interest in having sex any longer. What she found out was that her husband had started watching porn for sexual satisfaction.
She sought help at Guy Stuff with the hope of saving their marriage and rekindling the desire they had before starting a family.
Here's the rest of Mileena's story:
Her Question:
By the way, husband watches porn and he wants me to be like those girls. I'm thinking about a divorce, but in general my life with him was perfect, except now I've got a husband not interested in me. I was really happy, but now I'm not. Is my husband addicted to porn ? What should I do?" -Mileena
(read Part 1 of Mileena's story - Husband Not Interested)
Mileena’s right to be concerned about her husband becoming addicted to porn.
Because porn’s so easily available via the internet and it seems like a victimless interest, many men think there’s nothing wrong with using it for occasional sexual release. The problem is that porn is highly addictive and occasional can become frequent very quickly.
In addition, as Mileena’s situation shows, it’s quite detrimental to female partners and a healthy sexual relationship.
My Answer:
Since you say, "My husband watches porn," that's most likely another reason why you've got a husband not interested in you.
One of the biggest negative effects of watching porn that men don't understand is the way porn influences what men find as sexually attractive.
Repeated viewing of porn reshapes, and almost always warps, our sexual attraction.
Additionally, as long as your husband watches porn he's being sexually satisfied by the porn rather than by being intimate with you.
At this point stay firm in saying no to cosmetic surgery. It's very possible that you've got a husband addicted to porn and nothing you do about yourself is going to change his behavior.
You need to first stop just accepting that your husband watches porn.
When your husband agrees to stop and after a period from abstinence of porn, typically a minimum 3 months, you both can begin to find out how much of his disinterest in you is due to his watching porn and how much it’s the changes in your body.
That would then be the best time to have a truly honest conversation about your relationship since porn’s influence will have lessened.
A marriage counselor would be an excellent resource for you to use to get guidance in taking these steps, as well as to help you both have a healthy and productive conversation about your marriage and sex life as a whole, and how to improve it.
What can you do if you’re like Mileena and have found that your husband watches porn?
Too many women just accept that their husband watches porn and believe they have no choice about it, but that's just not true.
Also, when you've got a husband addicted to porn, he needs your help, so start to help him by taking the steps I just described.
How A Husband’s Porn Watching Affects His Wife
If your husband is watching porn on a regular basis he may not have any idea what he’s actually doing to –
- Himself
- You
- Your relationship
Most men assume that porn is harmless. After all, it’s not actually cheating, right?
Well, the answer to whether porn is cheating is debatable at best. In my opinion porn is cheating, but one thing is certain – porn is not harmless.
Most of the women in pornography are actors. They’re paid to do what they do and for their physical attributes.
In other words, they’re compensated for portraying fantasy much the same way Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is paid to straddle two speeding cars while operating a machine gun in a movie.
We know that The Rock’s antics are acting and staged, yet when men watch porn they believe there is some possibility that what they’re seeing can (or should) happen in their lives too.
This is a big problem for their wives and marriages.
Real women and wives don’t look or behave like porn stars. Nor should they unless they want to.
For this reason, a husband’s porn habit can cause many women to feel incredibly insecure about their own bodies and being intimate with their husbands. Knowing that their husbands are coveting what they see on their screen and are likely disappointed in what they have in their own beds can make a wife doubt her own worth.
A husband’s preference for porn can lead to lack of interest on his part – as in Mileena’s case – and/or a wife’s rejection of intimacy all together.
Not only can this destroy the connection and trust in a marriage, but it can also lead to –
- Depression in women
- Extreme measures to regain his attention (e.g. plastic surgery)
- Potential cheating by either partner
And this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the problems porn and an addiction to it can have on individuals and relationships.
What To Take Away
If you can relate to Mileena and have found that your husband watches porn too, don’t ignore it.
As I advised her, start with a conversation. He may not have fully realized what he’s doing to you or your relationship. But most likely he’s going to deny, minimize, and blame you. So, be prepared to seek the help of an experienced counselor to get on the same page about the changes you both need.
Remember,
- Many men wrongly believe porn is something all guys do and is no big deal.
- He may not realize what he’s doing to you and your self-esteem.
- Porn addiction should be a concern – it can happen quickly, and he may not know it.
If your husband is watching porn it will damage your marriage. Don’t sit back and just allow that to happen – take a page out of Mileena’s book and begin the process of making change.
This is the second article of two discussing a wife's struggle with her husband's lack of interest. Read more about Mileena in the first article: Husband Not Interested In His Wife. Sign-up for our Blog at the bottom of this article and get other great articles on men, women, and their relationships like this one.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published April 07, 2012 updated on March 03, 2020, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Looking for More? Check Out These Articles
- Husband Not Interested In His Wife (Part 1)
- If You Have A Porn Addiction You Can Stop It By Doing This
- I Don't Know What To Do About My Husband Looking At Porn
- Get More Help with a Porn Addiction
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