Mistakes Girls Make When They Want Their Guys To Stop Watching Porn

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3 Min Read

Contents

Explaining How You Feel About Porn Doesn’t Work
Expecting Boyfriends To Just Stop Porn Isn’t Realistic
Takeaways For Girlfriends Who Want Their Boyfriends To Stop Watching Porn
FAQs

If you’ve had any experience with your boyfriend watching porn you probably know that getting him to stop isn’t easy.

For most girlfriends it seems like this should be easy. After all, if he told you you’re doing something that hurts him, you’d stop – right?

Girlfriends say to me all the time, “I don’t understand why he won’t just STOP IT.”

I tell them it’s just not that easy.

In those moments when you catch him and he’s embarrassed and says he won’t do it again, he probably does mean it. The reality is that takes a lot more than good intentions and will power for most guys to stop looking at porn.

Below are 2 BIG mistakes girlfriends make when trying to get their boyfriends to stop watching porn.

Explaining How You Feel About Porn Doesn’t Work

“Why doesn’t he get how much his watching porn hurts me?”

It’s not so much that he doesn’t see that you’re hurting, it’s that –

Most guys just don’t get why porn is such a big deal for women. Just like most women don’t understand why guys can’t just stop looking at porn.
In moments of weakness he’s more focused on himself and his feeling good than he is about your pain.

I had a conversation with my boyfriend about his looking at porn. I wasn’t angry. I just explained to him how it makes me feel disrespected and unappreciated. Also, how it hurts me that he can’t wait for me to come home. We have sex every day, most of the time more than once, unless he is too tired or drank too much. And I explained how I understand that it’s hard not to look when that’s what he did for years before me. I know it would bother him if I was imagining being with other guys, so I don’t get why it’s so difficult to understand where I’m coming from?” -Tanya

When he’s tempted to look, the high that comes from watching porn is just more powerful than the thought of hurting your feelings.

His feeling good is a present need. Often, a very BIG need. While your pain is a future problem he doesn’t have to deal with until later.

So,

Explaining (over and over again)
Pleading
Begging

Doesn’t work.

Expecting Boyfriends To Just Stop Porn Isn’t Realistic

“I just don’t get why he can’t just say no!”

There was an anti-drug campaign in the 80s called ‘Just say No.’ And it wasn’t successful because it was too simplistic.

The majority of women aren’t as visually sexually stimulated as men. Because of this difference between women and men they just don’t get why porn is so appealing to men and hard for them to stop.

Unfortunately, porn is like cocaine – extremely powerful and addictive.

When I try to explain this truth to female partners, most shake their head in dismay.

Acknowledged or not, most partners have some level of belief that they can change the things about their partner that they don’t like.

But the reality is that you –

Can’t change him
Can’t make him change

Your boyfriend stopping looking at porn is something he has to choose to do, not something you can force him to do.

What Does Work To Get Boyfriends To Stop Watching Porn

The way to get him to change is to help him learn to see why watching porn is bad for him and your relationship. And you do this through influence, not force.

The only thing you can do to get your boyfriend to stop looking at porn is to influence him.

Your goal shouldn’t be getting him to stop. I know, that’s counterintuitive since that‘s what needs to happen and is what you want. But you shouldn’t have a goal you can’t accomplish as I’ve described above.

Instead, your goal should be to get him to admit that looking at porn causes problems for him and you. And that those problems are significant enough that he needs to learn how to stop his addictive porn watching.

But stopping a porn addiction is easier said than done. So, even when he admits he needs to change, he’ll likely need professional help in order to do it, and in particular to make it last.

Takeaways For Girlfriends Who Want Their Boyfriends To Stop Watching Porn

You need to accept some difficult, but important truths –

Your pain isn’t a powerful enough motivator to stop you boyfriend from looking at porn.
You can’t make him stop viewing porn, especially if it’s become an addiction.
But you can influence him to see that it’s a problem he needs to fix and to get help to do so.

Your boyfriend can stop watching porn, but he’s most likely not going to do so without coming to accept how it’s in his best interests.

FAQs

Why doesn’t my boyfriend care about how I feel about his looking at porn?

Your view of porn is most likely the complete opposite of his – you don’t find it appealing, even possibly repulsive, while he does find it appealing, probably very appealing. So, bridging those opposite viewpoints is difficult. Another factor is that the high from viewing porn is so intoxicating that in weak moments it’s has a more powerful on him than anything else.

Why does my boyfriend choose porn over sex with me?

Even though masturbation to porn isn’t as exciting and pleasurable as real sex, it does offer some things that a real girlfriend can’t compete with. Porn is always available, and it’s immediately available, porn is always willing, it never says ‘no,’ porn offers endless variety, and is willing to try anything, and porn always wants him.

Got a boyfriend you want to stop watching porn? Please share what’s that been like for you below.