Ladies Night In – The Truth About Porn Addiction In Women

7 Min Read

Contents

• The Feminine Face Of Porn Addiction
• Factors That Lead To Porn Use And Addiction In Women
• It’s Not Your Husbands Porn Addiction - How A Woman’s Porn Addiction Differs From A Man’s
• Repercussions Of Porn Addiction In Women
• What To Take Away

Porn’s a guy issue, right? Wrong.

Increasingly women are turning to porn as an avenue for sexual satisfaction. So much so, in fact, that porn addiction in women is a growing problem – or if it’s not, it should be.

Why?

What’s the big deal if a woman wants to use porn in her private time? It’s better than one-night stands or booty calls, right?

Yeah, there’s an argument to be made there, especially regarding health and safety.

And if a woman is taking control of her sexuality and enjoying sexual pleasure on her terms and on her schedule, that’s her business, isn’t it?

Sure, in principle.

But porn isn’t about empowerment, autonomy, or healthy sexual exploration and release. Porn addiction, especially porn addiction in women, can have ugly and detrimental repercussions that can be really difficult to remedy.

The Feminine Face Of Porn Addiction

It’s an open secret that women can become far more graphic and risqué in their conversations than men. Perhaps that’s because women like to talk about feelings and experiences more and often want to level set by comparing notes with girlfriends.

At a recent GNO (girls’ night out) the conversation took a distinctly intimate turn. Without divulging too much, I was surprised by how matter-a-fact some women were about their enjoyment and use of porn.

These women are in their late 30s – early 50s and include a homemaker, a nurse, two teachers, a lawyer, an engineer, a business owner, a biologist, and a construction manager.

Not all said they used porn, but several were clear that it was their preferred pathway to sexual satisfaction.

According to them,

• “Our sex life is boring - I can take care of things and just move on.”

• “Sometimes the engine just needs some priming before the main event.”

• “I’d like a little variety, and between a movie (porn) and my imagination, I figure it’s better than cheating."

• “For a few minutes, I feel the rush I did at the beginning of our relationship.”

• “I like sex, but I don’t have time to stay awake and go through all the motions. So, sometimes I just do things on my own time.”

None of this sounds particularly depraved or unhealthy.

But then one of my girlfriends confided in me that she recently found a vibrator in her 16-year-old daughter’s room. Fueled by concern, she took a look at her daughter’s computer search history and found porn sites.

• Isn’t this better than her daughter being sexually active or promiscuous? (not an apples-to-apples question)
  
  
• What are the images she’s seeing doing to her perspective on a healthy sex life? (skewing it)
  
  
• Will looking at porn desensitize her to sex as something special? (yep)
  
  
• Does she think what she’s seeing is normal? (if she continues, she will)

And as a result, she’s also asking herself,

• What is porn doing to me? (nothing good)
  
  
• Has watching porn affected my sex life? (yes)
  
  
• Is it fair to my husband to have my “secret time”? (no)
  
  
• Have my views on what sex should be changed? (probably)
  
  
• Can I stop and still enjoy sex? (in time)

So, for at least one of the women using porn, things have become a lot more complicated than taking control and claiming sexual self-sufficiency.

Factors That Lead To Porn Use And Addiction In Women

Porn has long been considered something that men like and women find distasteful. But whether times have changed or the pretense of distaste has simply dropped, women like those above are more frequently utilizing porn. This means porn addiction in women is becoming more prevalent.

The question is, why?

While the reasons individual women will give for their porn use will vary, most of them fall into one or more of the following categories.

Social factors and influences

• Exposure to porn at a young age. In our digital, always-connected society, porn is readily available to anyone at nearly any age. The exposure to porn at young ages can normalize it and make it something that feels like a reasonable alternative to sex IRL.
  
  
• Accepting attitudes. Women have been roaring since the 70s, but as progressive as female sexuality has become, porn’s acceptance as a “harmless” vice has grown exponentially in recent years. In fact, many would say that mainstream media has embraced porn culture and gratuitously marketed and romanticized the idea of women embracing porn. Usher even tells us we need to be a “Lady in the street but a freak in the bed.”

Personal traits and circumstances

• Personality. Impulsivity, thrill-seeking, or addictive behaviors can increase the likelihood of porn addiction in women.
  
  
• Relationship issues. Dissatisfaction in romantic relationships, whether emotional or sexual, can lead women to seek out porn as an alternative source of intimacy or arousal.

Situational factors

• Life transitions and stress. Major life changes like divorce, job stress, or midlife crisis can push women to seek escape through porn.
  
  
• Boredom and loneliness. A lack of meaningful connection to their significant other or loneliness can lead some women to use porn to fill the void.

High-risk stages of life

• High-stress jobs. Women in high-pressure careers might use porn as a quick way to relieve stress, leading these women to develop a porn addiction.
  
  
• Students and young adults. Younger women, particularly those in high school and college, can be at higher risk due to stress and easy access, and a view of porn as a safe alternative to risky sexual behavior.

Any one of these things might sound reasonable at the moment.

The problem is that the pleasure derived from watching porn creates a powerful reinforcement cycle, making it difficult to stop. This means habits are developed that are hard to break, especially if they’re being used as a means of coping with stress or emotional difficulties.

Dr. Kurt works with both men and women dealing with porn addiction. According to him,

Another growing contributor to porn use by women is the difficulty more and more women are having finding a male partner. I have several single female patients who are dating and having a horrible time finding a man they want to be in a relationship with (men report having the same problem too). There's also the influence of the degradation of men in our society in recent years. Messages like – 'You don't need a man' and 'Men are bad' encourage women to seek a sex life that's not dependent upon a man. These factors have also helped fuel women developing a porn addictions."

It’s Not Your Husbands Porn Addiction - How A Woman’s Porn Addiction Differs From A Man’s

If you look up porn addiction, you’ll find a lot of information referencing men and how porn and porn addiction affects men. Not so much for women.

But while porn addiction in women and men share many similarities, there are also some notable differences.

• Content preference. Women tend to prefer different types of porn than men. Men might gravitate towards visual and explicit content, while women prefer erotica, romantic storylines, or material with emotional context.
  
  
• Motivations. Women often use porn to create an imagined emotional experience in connection to their physical one. Men look for sexual arousal and visual stimulation.
  
  
• Underlying issues. Women with a porn addiction are more likely to have underlying issues related to relationship dissatisfaction. Men generally are less complicated about their desire for porn.
  
  
• Stigma and secrecy. No matter how normalized it may have become, women with a porn addiction face a greater stigma, leading to higher levels of secrecy and reluctance to seek help.
  
  
• Escapism vs. stimulation. Women use porn more as a form of escapism, often imagining themselves as part of the storyline, while men use it primarily for sexual stimulation.
  
  
• Physical vs. psychological addiction. The progression of addiction can differ, with women often developing a porn addiction that has an emotional or psychological component vs. a man’s physical reliance. Note: Both psychological and physical factors are present in both genders. The variance is in which component is most influential.

Repercussions Of Porn Addiction In Women

• “It’s harmless."

• “It’s no one’s business.”

• “It’s no big deal.”

These are common statements made by both men and women with a porn addiction. Unfortunately, all three statements are false for those making those statements and for the women I described above.

Porn addiction in women can lead to a range of problems that impact their mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life.

Among the most significant repercussions are,

• Mental health issues. Women with porn addiction may experience greater than average rates of anxiety, depression, and stress (which is ironic since it's often used partly to relieve stress).
  
  
• Shame and guilt. No matter how much ownership a woman has taken over her sexuality, most find porn degrading toward the women in it. This means they can feel conflicted about condoning it and have greater levels of shame and guilt than men when they use it.
  
  
• Low self-esteem. For the most part, the female actors in porn are chosen for specific attributes. Most women watching it don’t look or behave like those actors. Constant consumption of porn can affect a woman’s self-perception and body image.
  
  
• Intimacy issues. A woman’s porn addiction can lead to dissatisfaction with her real-life relationships. She may lose interest in her partner and begin to accept emotional disconnection as the norm rather than working to keep the relationship strong.
  
  
• Trust and communication breakdowns. Contrary to the idea that it’s a turn-on, a man is likely to feel betrayed, hurt, or threatened when he discovers his wife or girlfriend has a porn addiction. This can erode trust and lead to conflicts and communication breakdowns.
  
  
• Sexual dysfunction. Porn-related erectile dysfunction is a known issue for many men. Women with a porn addiction can experience a similar physical reaction. Porn addiction can result in difficulty becoming aroused or achieving orgasm without it.
  
  
• Life and relationship satisfaction. If a woman is subbing porn for the emotional and physical affection of her partner, she’s missing a significant part of her relationship. And if it goes on for too long, it can be hard to find the motivation to put in the work to bring it back. This means living a life that feels like something’s missing.
  
  
• Propensity to have affairs. Some women with a porn addiction find at some point that porn isn’t enough anymore. But because they’ve become accustomed to the secrecy and thrill of porn, investing in their relationship seems too tame and boring. These women may take things to the next level and engage in affairs.

What To Take Away

Porn’s no longer just a guy thing – women can and are developing porn addictions too.

And while less discussed than in men, porn addiction in women poses significant psychological and emotional challenges.

• Factors like ease of access, low self-esteem, and relationship problems contribute to developing a porn addiction.
  
  
• Women with a porn addiction typically experience shame and guilt, impacting their relationships and overall well-being.
  
  
• The same way women can be hurt if their partner is watching porn, men can be hurt too.

Breaking a woman’s porn addiction requires addressing the powerful components of addiction and underlying emotional issues. This usually requires the help of a knowledgeable and experienced counselor.

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