See What A Midlife Crisis Is For a Woman

6 Min Read

Contents

What Does A Midlife Crisis Look Like For A Woman?
Results Of Midlife Crisis In A Woman
Takeaways About A Woman's Midlife Crisis
What Readers Have To Say

Part 1 of 2

Feeling out of sorts, in need of change, or thinking of doing something drastic just to shake things up?

Are you somewhere between 35 – 55 years old (give or take)?

Oh, and are you a woman?

Well then, it’s possible you may be experiencing a midlife crisis. But what does that really mean?

What is a midlife crisis for a woman, actually?

That’s a good question, especially because learning what a midlife crisis for a woman means understanding that it’s different than one for a man.

What Does A Midlife Crisis Look Like For A Woman?

Let’s face it, life is busy.

We’re all juggling multiple tasks and responsibilities like families, careers, children, and sometimes even school. Time speeds past and then one day we wake up and realize, “I am not where I wanted to be - something has to change!”

It is often at this point that women find themselves dissatisfied, confused, and sliding into the woman’s version of a midlife crisis.

A midlife crisis for a woman can look much different than the typical midlife crisis for a man.

From actions to relationships, women often behave in ways that are surprising, even to them. The woman experiencing these feelings and urge to change things may not even be aware of what she’s doing. She doesn’t see her behavior as erratic, disruptive, or extreme.

There have been volumes written about the midlife crisis.

Depending upon what you read, midlife crisis symptoms can range from depression to wild exploits and everything in between.

When it comes to midlife crisis men you hear about the stereotypical red sports car and affairs.

But what about a woman in a midlife crisis?

The signs in women of a midlife crisis have a lot to do with the external stressors that exist and the roles that she’s played in her life to this point.

For instance,

A woman who has spent a large portion of her adult years raising children and taking care of a home may find herself questioning her identity and purpose once the kids have grown.
A woman who has spent her days in the working world may begin to question the purpose and validity of her chosen profession.

Both women will likely wonder if they made the right choices and second guess themselves.

In both circumstances, these women also have a rather clear midlife demarcation.

The midlife years are also marked by perimenopause and menopause. Both biological stages cause physical and emotional changes which often make their husbands wonder if their wives hate them, or if they‘ve simply gone crazy.

Because women are subject to clear and known biological changes, they, even more than men, are forced into acknowledging that their life is entering a new phase. This can initiate a period of intense reflection on their lives, choices, and relationships.

This means a midlife crisis for a woman can become intensely complicated.

In fact, the natural, biological changes and a midlife crisis can become so intertwined that many women simply suffer because they assume feeling the way they do is just part of being a woman.

So, they go along miserable, confused, undiagnosed, and potentially over-medicated depending on what help they have or haven’t sought.

A midlife crisis for a woman typically falls into one of two of categories.

The,

“I’m not waiting any longer,” category

and the,

“Where did my youth go?” category.

“I’m Not Waiting Any Longer”

Women experiencing this type of midlife crisis reach a place in their life where they start thinking about the things they’ve put on hold for the sake of family and career.

As children age and careers slow down, a woman may feel a new urgency to do new things and explore what interests her. She’s done waiting and is ready to experience life in a new way.

These women may become selfish with their time and resentful of others who make demands for it.

When a woman experiences a midlife crisis of this nature, the desire to begin doing things that are just for themselves can be intense. After having given so much to everyone else, they now feel that they deserve their own time.

They might decide to

Travel alone
Make extravagant purchases without consulting a partner
Try activities that push boundaries, like rock climbing or skydiving

Dr. Kurt has seen this firsthand in his practice:

While a midlife crisis in men is much more talked about, they do occur in women as well. It's important to know that in both sexes the symptoms of a midlife crisis can arise at almost any age or stage of life and are not always triggered by middle age as much as a dissatisfaction with life. The wife of a guy I'm counseling right now is having a midlife crisis that has resulted in her spending thousands of dollars on dance lessons, clothing, and competitions. What looks like a new hobby interest is actually being driven by her unhappiness with herself and her life."

She may also be determined to re-invent herself and find a new purpose.

Some women facing a midlife crisis decide to,

Go back to school
Look for a new job
Take on unusual and possibly adventurous hobbies that have always been of interest

Either way, the driving motivator here is the desire for change, and potentially drastic change – partner optional.

“Where Did My Youth Go?”

In this category a woman may look in the mirror and realize that the person they once saw there has changed dramatically.

Lines on her face
Graying hair
Loose skin

These are just some of the inevitable changes we all face. But for a woman going through a midlife crisis these are evidence that the many years they dedicated to family and work stole their youth. And suddenly they become desperate to get it back.

This woman may actually feel grief for the loss of her youth and be determined to reclaim what she can.

Plastic surgery
Expensive beauty treatments
Extreme exercise routines
Copious supplements

Are all common.

Or she might decide that dressing in a trendy and youthful fashion, possibly inappropriately, will turn back the clock. But TikTok fashion and borrowing your daughter’s crop top only bring attention to the emerging midlife crisis she’s experiencing.

In the effort to recapture the feeling of youth she may also engage in activities she associates with youthful behavior.

Barhopping
Late-night dance club scenes
Casual sex or affairs

And otherwise acting more like she’s in her 20s than her actual age are just a few of the behaviors a woman in midlife crisis may display.

Results Of Midlife Crisis In Women

Both categories can contain extreme behaviors that result in major changes in a woman’s life.

While there’s a possibility that the changes will be positive, the greater likelihood is that the negatives from her midlife crisis will outweigh the positive.

A woman experiencing a midlife crisis also faces the very real possibility of slipping into depression.

Like the midlife crisis, symptoms of depression in women are different than those seen in men.

Some of the most common symptoms of depression in women include:

Sleeping all the time.
Loss of interest in her appearance all together.
Loss of interest in things that used to be important to her, like the appearance of her home or care of her children.
Physical ailments, such as headaches that become chronic and don’t respond to typical treatments.
Morose attitude and making claims like, “My best years are gone” or “No one needs me anymore.”

A new cruel or abusive attitude toward her husband or partner.

Depression isn’t the only possibility though.

Becoming hyper-focused on making changes to her life is also common.

These might include,

Ending or beginning relationships
Damaging career moves
Insisting on moving residences or wildly altering décor
New and perhaps unsavory friendships

Divorce becomes more common during a midlife crisis, as do affairs and job changes.

The common denominator in all of these behaviors is that they are a direct change from what had been her norm, and they are decidedly self-centered.

The hallmark of a midlife crisis for a woman is the that it’s selfish.

Selfish, however, is not always the same thing as bad.

Some things like going back to school or taking on a new hobby are easy to support and consider positive, while others like promiscuity or barhopping can be destructive.

This selfish behavior, no matter in which category, can severely damage relationships.

Takeaways About A Woman's Midlife Crisis

If you’ve wondered what a midlife crisis looks like for a woman and if it’s the same as one for a man, now you know. Not really.

If you’re wondering what to do to help a woman dealing with a midlife crisis you first need to consider which category her behavior falls into.

Remember,

Biological changes occur in midlife years too. There are certain changes that are just normal.
Some of those physical changes can mimic the symptoms of a midlife crisis for a woman.
Her behavior becomes concerning when it’s extreme or damaging to her life and relationships.

If you’re just starting your journey into learning what a midlife crisis is for a woman, know that patience on your part is necessary as she navigates this very complicated and confusing time of life.

In the second article in this series, we’ll explore the effect these behaviors have on a woman’s relationships and how loved ones can help her through this time.

Editor's Note: This post was originally published August 31, 2021 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.