How Long Does Midlife Crisis Last?

5 Min Read

Contents

What You See During A Midlife Crisis
Why A Midlife Crisis Can Last A Long Time
Seeing The Beginning Of The End A Midlife Crisis
What To Take Away
Comments From Other Readers (160+)

We all act a little crazy at times, but when acting crazy becomes a pattern it can be an indication of something bigger. If you're thinking that your partner's strange behavior is due to a midlife crisis, then you're soon going to be asking just how long does midlife crisis last?

One of the toughest parts of a midlife crisis for partners is the uncertainty.

The erratic behavior common to a midlife crisis can make it feel like you’re always waiting for the next shoe to drop. This can leave your mind spinning as you wonder just how long this midlife crisis will go on.

For most partners it seems like it will never end. And unfortunately, the damage that occurs before it does can be tough to undo.

Ask any partner who’s dealing with one and they'll tell you the uncertainty is the hardest.

What You See During A Midlife Crisis

Another difficult thing to tolerate is the selfish, child-like behavior that’s the hallmark of a midlife crisis.

Below is a social media post I wrote that really fits this discussion regarding how long a midlife crisis can last.

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A common characteristic of male midlife crisis is behaving like a selfish toddler. During this time people can,

Abandon their partners and kids
Neglect relationships
Leave their jobs
Cheat

And many other dysfunctional behaviors.

Rather than acting like adults with responsibilities, they revert back to behaving like teenagers without a care in the world.

A big influence on how long a midlife crisis lasts is how prepared a person is to handle the common drive during a midlife of reassessing their life. Additionally, there are many pre-existing circumstances that make someone more susceptible to a midlife crisis, especially if these are already causing problems.

Difficulties in a marriage
Work struggles
Financial stress
Health issues
Regrets
Unfulfilled dreams
General dissatisfaction

can all leave a person vulnerable to a crisis.

Certain events can also trigger a man’s (or a woman's) spiral downward resulting in a midlife crisis.

The death of a family member or friend
Illness
Any traumatic event

These can cause someone to lose sight of priorities and go into crisis mode.

Why A Midlife Crisis Can Last A Long Time

The length of time a midlife crisis lasts can vary from person to person.

Sadly, far too many men aren't equipped to contend with the stressors that can initiate a midlife crisis.

Below is an example of such a guy.

According to his wife, Renee, Doug has "no self-esteem.” She says he's also "a very angry person."

Recently, Doug's father died. Shortly after that the family dog died and their daughter left for college. To add insult to injury he also lost his job of 23-years. This all happened in a 3-month span. It was just too much for Doug.

There's no question that so much negative change in such a short period of time would be a lot for any of us to handle without struggling.

But for Doug, it was more than he could handle.

Overwhelmed and unwilling to seek professional help, Doug decided to try to run away from his problems and pain.

So, he separated from his wife, Renee, and tried to distance himself from friends, family, and anything that reminded him of his old life. Months later Renee learned that he had been cheating on her with a neighbor during this time as well.

Since separating Doug has drifted aimlessly for a number of months living in different places and working sporadically. Meanwhile Renee has waited for him to come to his senses and move back home, while also struggling with just how long his midlife crisis is going to last.

Renee’ said, Doug's father abused alcohol and was a "philanderer." Doug seemed to be following in his footsteps - drinking too much and cheating, just like his dad.

It's important to note that this is Doug's story - not every man's story. A midlife crisis will look different for each person, but they all have similarities as well.

Like any partner of someone dealing with a midlife crisis, Renee wants to know how long this behavior will last.

It's really up to Doug.

As long as he continues to avoid dealing with his issues and chooses to soothe his pain with alcohol and other women, it's not going to stop.

Seeing The Beginning Of The End A Midlife Crisis

Some men come to their senses with time, realize they're making bad choices, and get some help.

Others don’t.

One key to recovery and ensuring that similar behavior won’t occur again is to get help. A professional counselor can help unravel what led to getting to this point and provide the tools to deal with future challenges more effectively.

Unfortunately, many men are reactive vs. proactive when it comes to taking care of their health.

If Doug had gotten help coping with the tornado of problems that hit all at once, and for his self-esteem and anger management problems, he would have been better equipped to handle things.

And he would have learned how to cope differently than his father.

Allowing him to make it through that difficult time in his life without making the same mistakes his father did.

If you, like Renee, are dealing with a partner going through a midlife crisis you can’t force it to stop. You can, however, help pave the way for the midlife crisis to come to an end and perhaps aid in shortening it.

While there’s no magic formula, influencing your partner (as best as you can) to,

Become more self-aware.
Realize how they’re feeling.
Identify their goals and priorities.
Recognize the importance of sleep, exercise, and healthy habits.
Reconnect with the things they used to enjoy.

and most importantly,

Work on their communication with others (including you).

can all aid them in finding their way out of this dark and confusing time.

What To Take Away

Loving someone who’s going through a midlife crisis can be incredibly painful. The behaviors associated with a midlife crisis,

Leaving relationships and family
Erratic actions
Affairs

wreak havoc on everyone around them and can leave a wake of turmoil and tears.

It’s no wonder partners can feel desperate to know how much longer their loved one's midlife crisis will last.

So, when you ask, "how long does midlife crisis last?", the murky answer is that it ultimately depends on the man.

How prepared - or ill-prepared - he is to deal with stressors that life brings on will play a big part.
What kind of coping skills he has developed are also really important.
Is he willing to get help when he needs it?

But the thing that's the biggest factor is what 'thing' will be a wake-up call and cause him to see and own the mistakes he's making.

Both women and men wonder how long a midlife crisis can last. Sadly, there’s no one-size fits all answer. But the love, support, and patience of those around them can play a big role in shortening it.

Did this article help? Do you have other ideas about what affects how long a midlife crisis lasts? Please share your thoughts and experiences with others below and join the conversation.

Editor's Note: This post was originally published August 12, 2015, updated July 30, 2019, and has been updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.