3 Secrets To Getting A Man In Midlife Crisis To Get Help

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Contents

Typical Midlife Crisis Train Wreck
Getting Help With A Midlife Crisis
Takeaways When A Man In Midlife Crisis Needs Help
FAQs

One of the hardest parts of a midlife crisis is being the partner of the man in one. He’s making choices that turn your life upside down, possibly destroying it, and often you don’t even get the option to talk to him about it. Typically, because he refuses to talk.

It’s horribly unfair and painful.

I’m presently counseling several women in this situation. One of them I met with yesterday, along with her midlife crisis husband. She and I have worked together for a while to get her man in midlife crisis to get help.

How did she do it?

I’ll describe it below.

Typical Midlife Crisis Train Wreck

One day Rick told Carol he wasn’t happy and was moving out. Carol already knew that he’d been involved with a coworker earlier in the year because their 14-year-old daughter had seen text messages between them. But Carol thought that was over.

And then -

No discussion
No explanation
No willingness to get counseling help

Rick just walked out and moved into a flat.

Carol has 3 kids at home (7, 11, & 14 years old), a full-time job, household and family to run, and her partner moves out.

If you’re reading this article, you probably know the thoughts and feelings that race through you mind and body when this happens.

She was desperate.

Fortunately, doing some research online to try to understand ‘What the #@*&!!!’ was going on, she discovered Guy Stuff Counseling’s articles on midlife crisis and started piecing it together.

Getting Help With A Midlife Crisis

Ok, it’s probably a midlife crisis. Now what?

We need help!!!”

Yes, but your man in midlife crisis doesn’t think he needs help.

So, Rick pulled away, and Carol reached out to us for answers and guidance.

These aren’t Carol’s words, but they easily could be –

The torment of knowing he turned to other women, no not younger or more beautiful, but easy, desperate women who jumped into bed with a man clearly in a mess, torments me at night especially. You go through all the emotions, this man was supposed to love only me, he was mine, my soul mate, my best friend, we’ve been together 40 years and had a mostly very happy marriage.” - Adele

After Carol and I worked through the shock and pain of Rick’s leaving, and his choice to be with another woman, we still had her life and family to put back together.

Carol was desperate to save her marriage – understandably. And this led her to make some common mistakes in how she responded to Rick that made things worse.

So, she and I worked on developing a better approach. Here are 3 secrets on how she got her man in midlife crisis to get help.

1. Recognize Your Limitations

Carol had to learn and accept the hard truth of her limited power to change anything.

You can’t make him get help. Telling, demanding, or pleading, doesn’t work.
He likely sees you as the problem. So, in his mind you need the help, not him.

2. He Needs to Recognize It Too

He has to come to the realization that he needs help with his midlife crisis on his own. Unfortunately, this takes time and usually happens though his having negative outcomes from his decisions, not someone telling him what to do.

He won’t hear the truth of what’s really happening from you. He needs to hear it from an objective, professional, like myself.
For a man in midlife crisis to get help he needs to experience enough pain and bad outcomes from his decisions that he comes to recognize he needs help in figuring his way out of the mess he’s in.

3. Find What Motivates Him

Finding a motivator is sometimes easy and sometimes hard. In Carol’s situation, it was pretty obvious, at least to me (not always when you’re the one in it though). Rick was desperate to fix the relationships with his three daughters.

So, Carol asked Rick to join her and I for co-parenting counseling meetings, which has turned out to be very helpful for both of them.

Fixing the relationship with a partner isn’t usually a good initial motivator. It’s typically either kids, money, or mental health struggles like depression or anger.

Takeaways When A Man In Midlife Crisis Needs Help

Getting a man in midlife crisis to get help is very tricky, but it's doable. However, you’ve got to be smart, strategic, and patient to be successful.

When I first started meeting with Carol there was no way Rick was going to go to counseling. Several months later, however, with Carol taking a different approach, Rick was open.

We’re now not only working on co-parenting, but also digging into how they got here and what drove Rick’s midlife crisis. Have we fixed the mess? No, but we’re on a path to get there.

FAQs

Where do you go for help with a midlife crisis?

An experienced mental health counselor is the smartest choice. The right one will be able to advise and guide you through the maze of a midlife crisis.

Should partners of a man in midlife crisis get help?

Yes! And many time they’re the first ones to do it. Even though the man is the one having the midlife crisis, their partner can have a big influence if they learn how to best respond.

Got a man in midlife crisis who needs to get help? Have you found anything that’s worked? Please share your experience in a comment below.