"Kiss My Prada" - The Challenge Of Loving A Narcissistic Woman

6 Min Read

Contents

• “Look At Me!” What A Narcissistic Woman Looks Like
• Ding, Ding! Signs She’s A Narcissist
• Ouch! Scars That Can Be Left By Narcissistic Women
• What To Take Away

Narcissist is a word that gets thrown around quite a bit, often associated with men, but there’s no shortage of narcissistic women out there are as well.

Given how often people get labeled “narcissistic,” it’s worth taking time to really understand what it looks like. In particular, what a narcissistic woman looks like.

We can all be a little self-absorbed sometimes. In fact, there are moments for most of us when we've been selfish, boastful, and/or inconsiderate.

Thankfully, these behaviors are short-lived for most and hopefully apologies follow quickly.

Not the case when it comes to a narcissistic woman.

Narcissists live their lives in a "me-first" state, only seeing the importance of others in terms of how they benefit them - even those they claim to love.

Sometimes we recognize this behavior for what it is. That's the best case. But the truth is, it can be very easy to develop a blind spot to narcissistic behavior, especially in a woman, and allow it to persist and grow.

"Look At Me!" What A Narcissistic Woman Can Look Like

Narcissistic women are often,

• Quite intelligent
  
  
• Clever
  
  
• Attractive
  
  
• Outgoing

These women use their traits to blind those around them to their real motivations and desires, which are typically self-serving and selfish. Many people who find themselves in a relationship with a narcissistic woman don’t recognize their narcissism until its too late and they’re fully enmeshed.

Wondering if you might be in a relationship with a narcissistic woman? 

See if any of these conversations rings a bell.

Rhonda

"Honey, we need to leave. I don't want to be late."

"Seriously? I don't even want to go. If you're going to pressure me, I'm not going. We'll leave when I'm ready, or we just won't go. Now leave me alone. I tell you when I'm done.”

Janelle

“Sweetie.... I need you to watch the kids on Saturday. I'm going out for the day. I'm not sure what time I'll be home.”

"Um, I was planning on helping Mike with his fence. Can we figure something out?”

“No, I've made my plans. Besides, I think you know how I say thank you. If you want dessert tonight, you know what it takes.”

Ruth

If you can relate to any of the scenarios above, you're likely dealing with a narcissistic woman.

Ding, Ding! Signs She's A Narcissist

Still feeling unsure?

Since we can all be occasionally narcissistic, it can be hard to know when it's a one-off or a problem, especially when you love someone.

There are several signs that point to problematic narcissism in women, however. So, if you're wondering if she's really a narcissist, consider the following indicators.

Sense of superiority and constant need for admiration and attention

• "How do I look?"
  
  
• "Does this make me look fat?"
  
  
• "Do you think she's prettier than me?"
  
  
• "Ha! Both John and Rob were flirting with me. Not surprised - have you seen their wives?"

Narcissistic women have an insatiable need for attention, validation, and admiration. They’ll fish for compliments, seek praise, and consistently strive to be the center of attention. She may also have an inflated sense of superiority and constantly compare herself to others (and she'll always end up on top).

Difficulty with criticism

• "Jen may be my boss, but she's an idiot. If she thinks she can do my job better, I'd like to see her try."
  
  
• "Linda said my thighs looked 'strong’. Like, I don't know what she really meant - she basically called me fat."
  
  
• "I don't care what you say. I had every right to say that!"

Criticism or even constructive feedback can be extremely challenging for narcissistic women to handle. They may react with anger, defensiveness, or wounded pride when they’re questioned or challenged.

Lack of empathy

• "She's fine. That marriage was over years ago. She's better off. I totally saw it coming, by the way."

• "Get over yourself. No one was even listening to your presentation."

• "Stop crying. You're not really that upset.”

Narcissistic women often struggle with empathy and may disregard or minimize the emotions and needs of others - even their partners or kids.

Sense of entitlement and inflated sense of self-importance

• "They'd be stupid not to give me that promotion."

• "I'm done with this! I deserve better!"

• "Oh, I know you're interested in that, but really, it's not your style - it's more mine. Let me help you find something that's better for you."

• "No, I don't accept your apology. You'll have to make it up to me.”

Women with narcissistic traits may display excessive entitlement, believing they deserve special treatment or privileges. They may exploit or manipulate others to get what they want. They also often believe exaggeratedly in their abilities, talents, and accomplishments.

Exploitative behavior

• “You don't mind, do you? It would really help me out. I'd owe you one.”

• "You know how happy it will make me if you'd just take that off my plate? I'm just not up to it."

• "Of course, I love you. You're my bestie. Besties do things for each other."

Narcissistic women often exploit others to fulfill their needs and desires. They may use manipulation, deceit, or emotional coercion to control and exploit those around them.

Lack of genuine relationships

• "Yeah, Ella and I aren't really friends anymore. She's just too difficult."

• "Oooh, I need to get close to Larry. He's the key to getting that job. My black blouse and these double D's should help."

• "Really? Do we have to hang out with the Raymonds? I guess they are our best bet for carpooling, so whatever.”

Despite their charm and ability to attract attention, narcissistic women struggle to form and maintain deep, meaningful relationships. They may use others as tools and discard them once they no longer serve their needs.

Boundary violations

• "Oh! Show me! It's not that private - and who am I going to tell! Come on, show me!"

• "Don't worry about tomorrow - just have a drink with me. It's fine. You'll be fine!!"

• "Wait, how much did you pay for that?"

Poor respect for boundaries is a common trait in narcissistic women. She may invade personal space, disregard boundaries set by others, or coerce others into doing things they're uncomfortable with.

Manipulative tactics

• "If you really loved me, you would."

• "If you can't show me affection, I'll find someone else who can."

• "No, I wasn't flirting with him. You're imagining things and being ridiculous."

Narcissistic women are often skilled manipulators. She may use guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, or gaslighting to control others and get what she wants.

Lack of accountability

• "It's not my fault you can't follow my instructions."

• "Really, things would be fine if she weren't so sensitive."

• "No, I'm not going to apologize. He'll get over it.”

Taking responsibility for their actions is extremely challenging for any narcissist. They rarely admit to being wrong and will blame others or make excuses to avoid facing any consequences for their behavior.

It's important to note that not all women who exhibit these behaviors are necessarily narcissistic, as these traits can exist on a spectrum. But when these responses repeat and become a pattern that’s a good sign.

Ouch! Scars That Can Be Left By Narcissistic Women

Being in love with a narcissistic woman can be a journey of high highs and low lows. Her charming personality and captivating presence may gradually give way to a pattern of emotional manipulation and abuse.

Unfortunately, a man in this relationship may struggle with several negative and painful effects.

Some of the most common problems caused by narcissistic women include:

• Confusion and self-doubt
  
  
• Loss of identity
  
  
• Loneliness and isolation
  
  
• Feelings of anxiety or depression
  
  
• Dependence solely on the narcissistic woman for validation and support
  
  
• Feeling responsible for her emotional well-being, sacrificing his own needs and desires in the process
  
  
• Trauma bonding or becoming emotionally attached to the cycle of highs and lows

It's important to remember that each situation is unique, and the impact can vary depending on the individual's resilience, support system, and other factors.

Dr. Kurt has worked with men who are in relationships with narcissistic women. Finding a way to bring things to an even, respectful place where they’re each happy can be hard. According to him,

If you want to make someone really mad, then call them a narcissist. I was counseling a guy yesterday who's in that exact situation with his girlfriend. He's referred to as a narcissist in the past and it hasn't gone over well. At the moment he's getting the silent treatment because of it. She's done this before, and he usually cracks and reaches out first and apologizes (even when he shouldn’t have to). However, there are never any apologies coming from her. So, we've developed a plan for a new response from him. If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, you can't keep using the same ineffective approach and hope the next time will be different."

What To Take Away

Being in a relationship with a narcissistic woman is tough. It leaves you emotionally drained and unfulfilled.

If you believe you’re in such a relationship, remember the following:

• Her manipulative or selfish behavior isn’t your fault.
  
  
• Being narcissistic doesn't mean she’s evil – there are many reasons why she may be this way.
  
  
• Modifying narcissistic behavior generally takes help from a trained and experienced counselor.

If the woman you love is narcissistic it is possible for her to change. But to bring that about you need to stop accepting being treated poorly - no amount of abuse is acceptable.

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