Broken Hearts Club – Understanding Love Failure And What To Do About It


    6 Min Read


    Love is often portrayed as one of life’s most beautiful and fulfilling experiences. It’s celebrated in movies, songs, literature, and art as something magical, capable of transforming lives. However, this idealized version of love has another side – the pain of love failure.

    Been there? Not sure?

    Most of us have experienced love failure at some point. If you’ve ever broken up or had your heart broken, you’ve dealt with love failure.


    But having experienced it doesn’t mean you completely understand what happened to cause the love to fail. This leaves many wondering why love fails and what they can do to prevent it and maintain the happy and fulfilling set of emotions that love songs immortalize.

    What Is Love Failure Exactly?

    Love failure, simply put, refers to the end of a romantic relationship or unrequited love.

    It occurs when the time, effort, and hope you’ve invested in a relationship are all shattered as the relationship falls apart and ends. The reasons for the ending are usually tied to circumstances like,

    • Betrayal or dishonesty

    • Rejection

    • Growing apart

    Whether the relationship ends in a breakup or divorce, or it’s a matter of unreciprocated feelings, love failure can leave you feeling lost, hurt, and emotionally drained.


    A hallmark of love failure is the emotional turmoil it brings. That pain can manifest in many ways, including,

    and even physical symptoms, such as loss of appetite or difficulty sleeping.

    Repercussions and Impact Of Failed Love

    Anyone who’s experienced a breakup or the pain of unreturned feelings knows that it can upend your life and affect you in ways you didn’t expect. There’s a reason terms like,

    • Lovesick

    • Heartsick

    • Broken heart disease


    The emotional instability of failed love can be devastating and leave scars that take time and effort to heal.

    In addition, love failure can wreak havoc on your,

    • Emotional health. Depression, anxiety, and loneliness that result from failed love can take a toll on mental health, making it difficult to focus on daily tasks or find satisfaction in activities once enjoyed.

    • Self-esteem and self-worth. Rejection by someone you love, or being betrayed through cheating or lying, can deeply damage self-esteem. People may doubt their self-worth, attractiveness, and right to be loved, leading to a negative self-image.

    • Social relationships. Anxiety and depression caused by love failure can lead people to withdraw from friends and family, which only adds to the loneliness they feel. In addition, the dissolution of a romantic relationship can also result in changes to social circles and friendships. Mutual friends may take sides, and some of those friendships may dissolve altogether, further exacerbating feelings of rejection and isolation.

    • Future relationships. Love failure can result in fear and reluctance to engage in future romantic relationships. In some cases, a type of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) can develop, or in the case of cheating, Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD). This can cause a struggle with trust issues, fearing that failure will be the outcome of any relationship, which can lead to avoiding starting new relationships and commitment issues.


    So, what’s the best course of action when love has failed you and you don’t know what to do?

    How You Can Cope With Love Failure

    First, remember that as painful as things are, they will get better.

    Second, take a minute to do a self-check and ensure you aren’t about to engage in self-destructive behavior or make a series of bad decisions.

    Unfortunately, heartbreak can lead to impulsive and rash behavior in an effort to soothe the pain or avoid it altogether.


    • Start a new relationship before you’re ready. This is especially true if you’re separating or going through a divorce. Dating during this process is a bad idea.

    • Continue to call, text, or post on your ex’s social media accounts. This won’t help you move on and could appear to be harassment or stalking behavior.

    • Badmouth or spread negative information about your ex. Airing your dirty laundry won’t improve things and can impede future relationships.

    • Isolate yourself or hide from friends and family who can provide support and comfort.

    Instead, consider the following tips for coping with lost love.


    • Allow yourself to grieve. Feeling sad, angry, or hurt when you experience love failure is okay. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment. Bottling up feelings or pretending to be okay will only prolong the healing process.

    • Give yourself time. Healing from love failure takes time, so be patient with yourself.

    • Reflect and learn. Although it may be hard, taking time to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship can help you identify patterns or behaviors that you’d like to (or need to) change in future relationships.

    • Focus on personal growth. Channeling your energy into personal growth and self-improvement can help you heal and prepare for your next relationship.

    • Practice self-care. Focus on taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Activities that make you happy and encourage relaxation will help you heal more quickly. Exercising, meditating, or pursuing hobbies are all effective ways to care for yourself.

    • Seek support. Friends and family can be a great support during this time. Talking about your feelings with others can provide comfort and perspective. Additionally, consider seeking professional help from a counselor who can offer guidance and support, especially if you’ve noticed patterns that repeat and may contribute to the failure of love.


    Dr. Kurt counsels people dealing with love failure on a weekly basis. His advice regarding it is,

    The biggest mistake people make when love fails is that they don't learn anything. It's much easier to point the finger at your ex than it is to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself about what part you played in the love ending. Unfortunately, the lack of learning and changing anything about yourself results in many people having a history of love failure. But it doesn't have to be this way. Exercising a little courage to look at yourself honestly, along with effort to make improvements, can result in love success the next time around.”

    Remember, being in love or in a relationship doesn’t define you. Neither does the loss of love or the end of a relationship.

    Regardless of your relationship status, you are who you are, so if you’ve experienced love failure, concentrating on being the best version of yourself is the healthiest option and quickest path to healing and happiness.

    Is There A Way To Fix Love Failure?

    Whether love failure in a relationship can be fixed depends on several factors, including the reasons it failed and the willingness of both parties to address and resolve underlying issues.

    While some relationships may be salvageable with effort and commitment from both partners, others may be beyond repair.

    But if a relationship is going to be fixed and failure avoided, the following will need to be a part of the effort.


    • Mutual desire and participation. Both partners must be willing to invest time, effort, and emotional energy into resolving conflicts, rebuilding trust, and making things better. If one or both parties are not committed to working on fixing the relationship, it won’t work.

    • Communication. Effective communication is crucial for addressing issues and rebuilding the foundation of the relationship. Partners must be able to express their feelings, needs, and concerns openly and honestly while also actively listening to each other’s perspectives.

    • Identifying root causes. Understanding the underlying reasons for the relationship’s problems is essential for finding solutions and preventing similar issues from arising in the future.

    • Forgiveness. If part of the reason for failing love is neglect, betrayal, or abuse, healing will require forgiveness, both of oneself and of the other person. This process can be challenging and may take time, but it is essential for moving forward and rebuilding trust and intimacy back into the relationship.

    • Establishing boundaries. Establishing clear boundaries and expectations can help prevent the recurrence of past issues and promote healthier dynamics within the relationship.

    • Couples counseling. In most cases, resolving love failure will require the assistance of a trained counselor. A neutral third party can offer guidance, facilitate communication, and provide tools and strategies for navigating challenges and rebuilding the relationship.

    Something to keep in mind is that not all relationships are meant to be salvaged, and attempting to fix a broken or toxic relationship may not always work or even be a good idea.

    In some cases, the best course of action may be to acknowledge the love failure, learn from the experience, and move forward separately.

    What To Take Away

    Love failure is an inevitable part of the human experience. It’s impossible to go through life without experiencing the loss of love at some point. But failing at love once, or many times, doesn’t define your worth or your ability to love and be loved.


    While the pain may feel overwhelming, remember that it’s temporary and that healing is possible.

    By going through the steps outlined above and focusing on personal growth, you can emerge from love failure stronger and more resilient than before.

    Remember, love failure may be painful, but it also presents an opportunity for finding a deeper and more fulfilling love in the future.


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