Hi Mr. Counselor, I'm lost with my marriage. These are my issues:
- I'm not sure whether my wife loves me or not. We have been married for 18 years and believe me she never said I LUV U. Each time I'm the only who said it to her.
- Things got worse recently after she was very protective and secretive about her cell phone messages. Once I caught her texting containing the word darling. Of course I was stunned and angry. I asked who was this and she replied her friend, and all her friends at work call her darling and dear. Gave her the benefit of the doubt, but I called the # and it turned out to be a guy.
I confronted her if this was your friend and he knows you are married why can't he or she call you by the name or other than darling or dear. Her response I'm too jealous.
- Typically for her birthday we have a simple celebration with our kids but this year she went out with her friends. I asked her if could join. The answer was NO and only ladies. I'm not invited and party was throw by her friends. I told her why can't I meet and get to know your friends. No guys were allowed. Sounded strange but I gave in.
- Now she even hangs out with her friends during her off day even when I'm back home early from work. 5. These days it's even hard to had sex with her. Typical reason: "I had a hard day, tired, not feeling well. Even when we have sex, "NO kisses," just go by the sake of having sex that's all. No love. Seriously, I'm thinking to kick her out from my life, but each time I look at my kids and I don't want to do it. I did talk to her but nothing change. How do I get my wife back?" -Sammy
It's not just guys who have affairs -- wives have affairs too. And it's not just wives who don't feel loved -- husbands do too.
I'm working with several other men in marriage counseling who are struggling, just like you, with wives who appear to cheat.
I hear you trying to love her. A common problem is that we try to love our partner in the wrong way. And when guys' marriages get where yours is, they get desperate and try too hard.
Here's what I'd suggest:
- Give her some space
- Don't try to figure out what's going on
- Stop pursuing her
- Work on yourself
One of the most powerful ways guys tell their wives they love them is to go to counseling. Find a professional marriage counselor who works with men and get some support, guidance, and discover what you can change about yourself. By doing this you'll make yourself more attractive to her and have the best chance of getting your wife back.
-Kurt Smith, Marriage Counselor
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