My Husband Doesn't Love Me - 5 Things You Can Do About It


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    Part 1 of 2

    If you're feeling that your husband doesn't love you anymore, you may be right.

    Many husbands (and wives) are not "in love" with their partners any longer. However, most men have told me that this doesn't mean they don't love their wives - they're just not "in love" with them.

    A husband told me last week in my counseling with men that he loves his wife "as a mom, but not as a wife." Clearly this isn’t the way that a woman (or man) wants to be loved by their partner.


    We all want our partners to love us in the passionate, romantic way our relationships began. Unfortunately, those feelings can change over time, and without attention they can fade all together. This is why I hear, “My husband doesn’t love me” a lot in my counseling.

    Ways You Can Get Your Husband To Love You Again

    So, what can you do to get your husband to love you again?

    Here are a few suggestions:

    • BE UNCONDITIONAL. Loving someone unconditionally sounds easy, but it’s not. Unconditional love takes effort, patience, and understanding. So, make your love of your husband unconditional.

    In particular, don't make it dependent upon his loving you.

    The problem with making your love for him dependent on his love for you is that he can do the same. This creates a vicious cycle in which neither of you change and therefore no progress is made.


    Feeling unloved can also make us resentful and angry. This will have negative effects, like making us less attractive, which contributes to our partners loving us even less. It also makes loving our partners more difficult by making it dependent on them loving us first so that these feelings will go away.

    (Note - unconditional love doesn't mean accepting abuse. If your partner inflicts emotional abuse, verbal abuse or physical abuse on you this is unacceptable and you should seek assistance in making the needed changes)

    • SHOW RESPECT. This is a core need for men and the cornerstone of all healthy relationships, not just romantic ones.

    Practicing respect towards each other will allow you to have productive conversations and work together on the issues you face.

    A lack of respect will degrade a relationship quickly.

    Men especially place a premium on respect. When men don't feel respected, they don't feel loved. And like all of us, when we don't feel loved by someone it's much harder for us to them love back.

    Look for ways that you can show your husband respect, such as asking for his input on a decision, including him in what's going on with the kids, or letting him handle the things he's good at.

    You can read the final 3 tips in Part 2 of this article - My Husband Doesn't Love Me - Things To Change That.

    What You Should Know When Your Husband Doesn't Love You

    It’s important to remember that love can change over time. The “in love” feeling may come and go as you move through different stages of your relationship and phases of life.


    So, if your husband doesn’t love you I can assure you you’re far from alone.

    In a healthy relationship the “in love” passion will eventually become combined with feelings of mutual,

    • Affection

    • Respect

    • Appreciation

    These are crucial components of “love” that help you weather kids, family, and finances. Just a few of the stumbling blocks couples can encounter.

    These feelings are also sustainable and create a bond on which a relationship can continue to grow. The swept-away feeling of being “in love” can return at different points as the two of you focus on being loving toward one another, but it will always be different from what it was in the beginning.

    Managing Feelings When Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore

    Managing your own feelings when you feel your husband doesn’t love you anymore can be daunting.

    You likely feel swamped with despair, frustration, and maybe even desperation to make him love you again.


    Rest assured, what you’re feeling is completely normal. But those feelings need to be managed and kept in perspective if your goal is to make things better.

    Consider the following tips for managing your own feelings:

    • Put Your Focus on You. This isn’t to say you should ignore him and not make any effort to make things better. But taking some time to care for yourself can make you feel better and more settled. It can also inspire his interest.

    • Embrace Some Space. Sometimes we all just need a little space. There is such a thing as too much togetherness.

    • Express Your Feelings to Someone. Someone other than your husband that is. It can be very useful to not only put your feelings into words, but also to get support and care from someone you respect.

    • Look at the Forest and Not Just the Trees. It's easy to get so wrapped up in your relationship that you lose sight of the bigger picture of your life. Try looking at things through a wider lens to get a new and better perspective (your life is more than just him).

    • Find Something that Excites You. Not another person though. A new interest or reinitiating an old hobby can make you feel more alive, confident, and help you relax.

    These things won’t take all the pain away, but they can help you feel more like yourself and make you a better partner.

    What To Take Away

    Relationships go through natural ups and downs. Both partners need to recognize this and learn how to manage their emotions through them.

    Without a consistent effort to keep your relationship healthy, that “in-love” feeling is in danger of being lost for good. It’s in these cases that husbands and wives can find themselves falling out of love all together.

    Take a look at this article about another wife who feels that her husband doesn't love her How to Save My Marriage - When My Husband Doesn't Love Me Anymore.

    This is the first article of two on 5 things you can do when you feel my husband doesn't love me anymore. The 3 remaining tips can be found here in Part 2 - My Husband Doesn't Love Me - Things To Change That). Sign-up for our blog on the bottom of this page and be sure not to miss future articles (you'll get notified by email).

    Editor's Note: This post was originally published April 28, 2010, updated on July 5, 2018, and updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.


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