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- The Secret To Falling Back In Love With Your Husband
- How To Create The Right Balance For Falling Back In Love
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When we fall in love it's mainly our heart that we follow, not our brain. Our heart, fueled by the excitement of someone new, along with a heavy dose of hormones, allows us to focus on the best and most alluring aspects of this person and makes it hard to see anything else.
For some of us this flawed strategy on how to fall in love works out, and for others it doesn't.
Fast forward a few years. Once we’ve been married awhile, most of us discover that we didn't marry the person we thought we married (i.e. Prince Charming isn't always so charming).
Over time our partner's imperfections and flaws become more evident (or we finally acknowledge them) and our brain starts to take over. The brain effectively rips off the rose-colored glasses the heart handed to us and brings that ‘in-love’ feeling into question (Check out "I'm Out of Love" for more on that situation).
So, what do you do now? Is it possible to fall in love with your husband all over again? The short answer is yes, and possibly in a stronger, more long-lasting way than you might think.
The Secret To Falling Back In Love With Your Husband
Falling in love with your husband all over again when your brain says 'not so fast' isn't easy though. The following social media post will begin to show how.
The secret to a successful relationship is using both our heart and brain -- not one or the other, both.
Truly, this goes for when we're first falling in love, when we're in a relationship together, and when we need to fall back in love. And it’s where to start when trying to figure out how to fall in love with your husband again.
That’s a hard balance to strike, however. Just like at the beginning when your heart wanted to do all the work, once a relationship has some time on it the brain decides to do all the heavy lifting. When you approach your relationship without the right balance between heart and head it’s very hard to find satisfaction and happiness.
Many wives struggle with falling back in love with their husband because they're using too much of their brains. They’ve allowed things to get off-balance and are doing what they did at the beginning of the relationship, just in reverse.
At the beginning they used too much of their heart and not enough of their brain, and now they're using too much of their brain and not enough of their heart.
In order to fall in love with your husband over again, especially after kids, life problems, and likely seeing him at his worst, it requires exercising more heart, like compassion, understanding, and love, while simultaneously using less brain, like memories, fears, and self-protection.
And it also requires an open-mind along with a willing heart.
How To Create The Right Balance For Falling Back In Love
Note that I did not say using no brain. I just said less brain. So many partners can't muster any love for their partner because they're allowing their brains to block it. And some of the reasons for this are listed in the previous paragraph.
So, what can you do to start to “bring back that lovin’ feeling”?
Here are a couple of tips on how to begin to fall in love with your husband all over again:
- Forget the Past. Okay, completely forgetting the past isn't really possible. However, you can stop yourself from allowing your past history with your husband to influence how you see him today. Too many partners hold on too strongly to the past and doing this prevents them from falling in love again.
- Focus on the Present. Part of the way we forget the past is by focusing on the present. Who is your husband now? That's who you're going to fall in love with. Be honest with yourself about how your husband has changed for the better, even if it's only in really small ways.
- Work at Seeing Him for Who He is Now, Not Who He's Been. This is hard to do after you've been hurt, but it’s a necessity if you really want to fall in love with your husband again. It's easy to see all the things you don't like, so try to find some things that you do like.
- Create the romance. Yes – create it. The same way a new car loses its new car smell after a while, a new relationship eventually loses the romance. It’s normal, but if it becomes the status quo, like when everything becomes pragmatic, rote and boring, it will cause problems. Being bored in your relationship leads to big romance problems. So, you need to work at keeping your heart engaged.
Obviously, if your husband hasn't changed the things that caused you to fall out of love with him it's going to be really tough to fall in love again, especially when it seems like he doesn't love you back. But if he's making an effort to change himself, you can help the falling in love again process by using your heart more than your brain and discover other ways to fall in love with your spouse again.
It isn’t easy to fall in love with your husband all over again, unlike falling in love the first time. Our brains are very powerful, but so are our hearts. When you use both properly you can rekindle the love and keep it burning.
And a relationship that engages both heart and head is the strongest kind. So, if you are wishing you still felt “in-love” and wondering how to get those feelings back, do yourself, your husband, and your relationship a favor and make your heart and head work together better.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published April 12, 2014 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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