- When To Look For Signs He Doesn’t Love You
- 5 Signs Your Husband Is No Longer In Love With You
- These Small Actions Are Signs Too
- Reader Comments (hundreds of them)
If your relationship is suffering and you feel like the love is gone you may very well be right. In many long-term relationships one partner can fall out of love, leaving the other feeling devastated. If you are a wife in this situation know that there are typically many signs that your husband doesn't love you.
The problem is almost never that there aren't enough signs -- the problem is almost always wives not wanting to see and accept them. Avoiding pain is a common human response for all of us.
Some of the signs can be hard to spot, but not all of them. However, the biggest reason we don't see the signs is because we don't want to face them. We often make excuses or determine that they mean something other than the truth. It’s much easier to do that than to admit your husband doesn't love you.
When To Look For Signs He Doesn’t Love You
There are certain times of the year when showing signs we love our partner is expected and societal pressure usually forces us to act. The biggies typically are Valentine's Day, Christmas, our wedding anniversary and birthdays. Yet it's important for all of us not to put too much meaning into the 'I love you's' expressed on these days. We all demonstrate and prove we love our partners by what we do every day of the year, not just on special occasions.
The signs that your husband loves you, or may not love you anymore, are not really found on those special days. The truth about how he feels is something that is evident during all the other days of the year, and in big and small ways. If on a regular basis you can feel him pulling away, seeming hostile or disinterested, it’s time to be concerned.
5 Signs Your Husband Is No Longer In Love With You
I have compiled a list of signs that can indicate your husband doesn't love you any longer. These all come from the lives of couples I'm counseling right now. These examples aren’t just from wives who need help seeing and accepting the signs their husband doesn't love them, but also from husbands who are struggling to see and accept the signs that their wives don't really love them as well.
1. Love Cards on Holidays, but Never Anything Else
What if your husband didn't get you anything for Christmas, could that be a sign your husband doesn't love you? Possibly. Some partners buy and wrap their own Christmas gifts every year with their spouses taking credit as if they were gifts coming from them. Everyone’s holiday habits and traditions differ, but a spouse who never makes an effort to do something special should be a read flag (read When He Doesn't Love You Back). But what if the same husband gave you cards expressing his love for you on holidays, and not just one card, but multiple cards each time, would that be prove that he really does love you?
2. When There Is Love, It Never Lasts
If your wife was telling you yesterday that you're a "piece of sh-t," she "can't stand to be around you," and wants you "out of my life forever" and less than 24-hours later she's hugging you, being affectionate towards you, and has sex with you, then you should be concerned. Although every couple argues, cruel and hurtful words on a regular basis, even if they are followed by displays of affection, can be a sign that the love is gone. At minimum it’s a sign that your relationship needs work.
3. You're Always the Problem (i.e. You're The Reason He Doesn't Change)
If you find that whenever you tell your husband how unhappy you are in your marriage, and what you need him to change to make it better, he always shifts the conversation around to what's wrong with you, there’s a problem. Blaming you and accusing you of being the reason he always says he doesn't love you more isn’t healthy. If you're always the problem and he never is this is a sign your husband doesn't love you.
4. Doesn't Accept (i.e. really Love) You
What if your wife is always finding fault with you? If it seems like in her eyes you can never do anything right, and that when you do seem to finally get it 'right' it’s met with cynicism and sarcasm, that’s not love. And in these situations it’s very likely that once you get that one thing right, another thing you did wrong will pop up and start the cycle all over again. If you look back over your relationship and see a pattern of her not accepting you, that could be a sign she doesn’t really love you too.
5. There's Never Any Change
What if you ask your husband to change and he never does? If he doesn't seem to hear you, making you feel that you must ask again and again, even to the point of nagging, consider it a warning sign. What if you plead, but get no response? What if you get so fed up and angry that you 'rant' at him trying to get him to hear you and act, and yet he still takes no action? Could you be banging your head against the signs your husband doesn't love you? Probably.
These Small Actions Are Signs Too
This is not an exhaustive list of the signs that he may not love you anymore. It’s really just a start to the many ways a partner’s small actions could be indicative of bigger problems. I could list many, many more signs --
- Your relationship always revolves around him, and his needs and wants always come first.
- He's never willing to compromise to meet some of your needs.
- He never compliments or praises you -- i.e. never says anything loving.
It's easier to see the signs a husband doesn't love his wife in someone else’s marriage more than it is in your own. Another important point is that the signs your husband doesn't love you can be the same as the signs your wife doesn't love you. I intentionally mixed unloving signs from both husbands and wives in the above examples because they're largely interchangeable. Unloving behavior is unloving behavior, and it doesn't matter which partner it comes from.
When we love someone, we care about them, we accept them, we respect them, we make them and their needs a priority, and we express our love for them in big and small ways (here are some examples). When we don't do this, it means the opposite. If you're in a relationship where there's a consistent pattern of the opposite happening, then you need to see and accept this as a sign your husband doesn't truly love you.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Feb 18, 2014 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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