Everyone masturbates, right? Yes, most people probably have, but when some develops masturbation addiction it's a problem.
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Contents
Part 1 of 3
At Guy Stuff we hear every day from both men and their partners who are looking for porn addiction help. Men want to find out how to stop looking at porn, while the women in their lives are trying to understand why their men watch porn and how they can help them stop.
Porn is so common, but also so misunderstood. It's becoming more and more accepted as normal in our society, yet causes tremendous problems that are most often unseen, overlooked, or ignored.
Men finding women attractive and desiring to look at a naked woman is normal. However, viewing porn takes this natural desire to a whole other level and changes men in unhealthy ways.
The following are excerpts from a few of the submissions we've received lately from people looking for help with porn addiction. In order to better understand this problem I'll provide some brief feedback and guidance for each situation.
If you're looking for help yourself, perhaps one of these people's stories will be somewhat like your own.
I've been with my wife now for 9 years. I've been caught multiple times looking at porn and I tell her every time that I'm going to stop. I don't understand why I keep doing it. I know it hurts her. I don't know what to do. I need help with porn." -Adrian
Can watching porn really be an addiction?
Yes, most of the time it is, but not always. It's important to understand 2 things:
The reason Adrian cannot stop watching porn, despite knowing how it hurts his wife, is because of the addictive effect porn has on him - its allure has been too powerful for him to resist on his own.
Is Adrian addicted to porn? Most likely if he wants to stop and cannot. But what's most important is that he's beginning to recognize this now and is looking for porn addiction help.
So, you’re willing to admit you watch porn too much and need to stop. Maybe you’re even willing to consider that you could have a porn addiction. What now? You just stop, right? If only it were that easy.
While there are people out there who may be able to “just stop,” addictions for most people just aren’t that easy to quit. Porn can be especially tricky because it’s easy to access and it doesn’t leave the obvious negative effects that drugs or alcohol can.
Most people, however, will need some help to truly quit and not get pulled back in. Check out Mariah’s story as an example.
Not married yet, but from everything that I have questioned has led me to marriage sites. Ok here's my dilemma, sex is a joke and a half. I have to wait around for him to be in the mood but he can masturbate away to porn! He claims that sometimes it is easier to masturbate than to put in work with me. He also says not all the time does he masturbate to porn. He watches porn like T.V. Ugh! There is nothing I can do to change his mind about not being in the mood...he won't let me try. When we do have sex there is no foreplay or affection. Let alone affection outside of sex. No attention either. He claims spending time with me is being in the same house together. He would rather be on porn sites than talk to me. He will not get any help with his porn addiction. I am getting to the point where I just want to give up, but then he is the sweet heart he truly is. He hasn't cheated on me, unfortunately this man checks in with me every 5 minutes while he is out, as if I have time to worry about that when I'm wondering why I feel so unwanted, unneeded, unattractive, just here as a place holder template." -Mariah
Porn can become a replacement for real sex for many men. As Mariah's boyfriend says, "it is easier."
It's also less work, always available, provides endless variety, will do anything you want, never questions you or says "no," just to name a few of the things that make it so appealing.
Porn is the perfect sexual partner, or so it seems, and it has become that for a lot of men. Unfortunately, as Mariah explains, it can negatively impact the partner and relationship big time - that's when you've got to ask yourself if you are in need of help with a porn addiction.
He claims that sometimes it is easier to masturbate than to put in work with me."
Porn is a problem when it becomes a replacement for real intimacy with a partner. This isn't the case for every man, some men still want sex, and often an insatiable amount, and often in ways they never would have desired before the influence of porn.
But even when a man still wants to have sex with his partner, porn can still be having a detrimental effect on the relationship. It can undermine a woman’s self-confidence, making her feel like a poor or inadequate substitute for the women her partner has been watching on a screen.
As Mariah says, “unwanted, unneeded, unattractive.” These negative feelings can impact other parts of the relationship too.
It should be noted that while it’s primarily men who watch porn, there are women who watch too. Generally, however, women watch a different type of porn and for different reasons. Of course, that doesn’t make it any better or less harmful to the relationship.
This is the first of 3 articles providing porn addiction help. This discussion explored how porn can become an addiction and some of the reasons it's a problem. In the next post we'll look more into how porn affects and changes men and learn if porn is truly bad for you. In the final article we'll examine the impact porn has on female partners. Hopefully hearing others' stories will help you in yours.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published Jan 13, 2016 and has been updated with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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I have been struggling with the porn issue with my husband for some time now.It has gotten to the point where he has to have porn on in order for him to get and or stay hard during sex. (a fact he will not admit to).I have told him many times how I feel about it and how much it hurts me. But his response to me is "I have been watch it most of my life (you know this) and I am not going to stop. So stop trying to change me." So now as soon as I am gone or out of the room for any amount of time he watches it on his phone. (so there is no evidence) And I have no right to upset or hurt by this. What do I do? How do I get him to see what he and his actions are doing to me?