Help With A Porn Addiction From Real-Life Struggles

    when-you-have-a-porn-addiction-and-need-helpLearning that you’re not the only one with a certain struggle can be priceless when you’re feeling all alone and hopeless. Hearing others' stories can be extremely comforting. This is why the most important help with a porn addiction most people need is just to know they’re not alone.

    Regardless of whether you’re the one struggling or the one who loves that person, feeling lost and confused is common when an addiction to porn has you looking for help. There are several immediate needs that you must address as you begin the process of recovery. First, finding a safe place to disclose an embarrassing problem like this one. Second, finding others who can truly relate to your situation. Lastly, getting the right advice from an expert is crucial.

    YOU AREN'T ALONE. CLICK HERE TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS WITH THE SAME PROBLEM

    Secretly I have watched lesbian porn sites on my phone & pc. Sometimes I masturbate watching them. I have a great sexual relationship with my wife. Do I need help? Should I seek counseling? My wife knows that I used to watch porn some time ago but now I do it secretly. I would feel terribly embarrassed if she new I masturbated also." -Pablo

    Who Needs Help With A Porn Addiction?

    Since it's commonly assumed that it's men who need help with porn addictions, it may come as a surprise to learn that women can struggle with addiction to porn just as men do. Often for women porn use takes less visual forms, like chat rooms and sexual romance stories, but not always. See if you can relate to any of the following from a New York Post article on porn addiction:

    A few minutes after her late-night booty call had left, Erica Garza turned on her laptop to watch a raunchy video. She finally brought herself to orgasm twice after being "too tired" to climax with her visitor.

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    This description could easily describe a porn addicted man, yet it’s a woman. Unlike Erica, most of the women we encounter looking for help with a porn addiction don’t actually have one -- they have a male partner with one. Here's an example:

    Like thousands of other women I have a husband who likes porn. I found it on his phone, again. 2nd time this year. He claims he is no addict as he uses it 2 or 3 times a month and only because we don't have sex as much as we used to. I think his habit is more but have no proof. I'm almost ready to give up on this marriage. He is wonderful in every other way. I tried to accept it but I can't. I want him to go to therapy but he claims he isn't an addict. Is there different levels of addiction, ex: are you an addict if you continue to do something even though you know it has negative consequences. Obviously he didn't intend to get caught. I need him to take the necessary steps like putting blocks on devices etc... it's been 4 days since our talk and he hasn't read an article nor made any effort to get help and continues to say it will never happen again. I don't feel comfortable with just his word as it has let me down before. So here I am searching for porn addiction help for him." -Hannah

    As you read these stories, I hope you’ll begin to see the complexity of an addiction to porn and why it's so difficult to stop. Many people are well meaning in the moment when they say they want to stop, but the shame and appeal of porn draws them back in before they get the help needed. Learning how to manage the temptations is a difficult process and hard to do without professional support. Here’s just such a guy who needs to get help to control his addiction to porn:

    I'm looking to find out how I can hold my fiancée accountable to his promise to seek help. Two months ago I had found out that he has a very extensive porn addiction. He has tried several times to stop, but has continued to relapse. However, last week we had to make a trip to the hospital because he relapsed again and had decided to try something on himself involving a toy that got stuck. While we were in the hospital he said that this was his breaking point. He said he doesn't want to be addicted anymore and that he wants to get help. I am trying my best to be supportive, but it is also important to me that he gets help. The lengths of lying that he has gone through has hurt me beyond belief. I'm getting over it and forgiving him. But I need him to get help, and I need him to truly want help." -Cherisse

    How Come It’s So Hard To Stop Looking at Porn?

    For most people who struggle with porn it’s been a problem for years or decades, and often for almost all of their lives. If that’s you, does any of this from the Post article about Erica's addiction sound familiar?

    "What I got was an elaborate mixture of shame and sexual excitement I had come to depend on since I was 12 years old." Bullied because of her appearance, she sought escape in watching soft-core porn on late-night cable TV. "I used to hide with my computer in the bedroom closet. If I felt uncomfortable with the person I was having sex with, I put on porn as a kind of distraction,” added Garza, who says her male lovers regarded her as a “cool girl” because of her interest. "It felt like a relief for me because we had a sort of wall between us, and we didn’t have to get as [emotionally] intimate as we could have. Afterwards, I would feel broken, unlovable, worthless and used. But I was using men for my own needs, too.”

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    This is Erica's story, but again, much of it isn't any different than the stories of many, many men. Erica’s story is a lot of people’s story with porn. Her viewing started at a young age, driven by hormonal changes and used to cope with mental and emotional pain. It became a habit that then impacted her relationships as it influenced and was used in real-life sexual encounters. Getting help with an addiction to porn requires recognizing the depth of the problem.

    Porn viewing impacts other behavior that then impacts romantic relationships as well. Looking at attractive women on a screen increases the desire to look at other women in real life. Now most men have this habit anyway, but watching porn can take this behavior into hyperdrive, making it a big problem with partners.

    FIND OUT EVEN MORE ABOUT PORN ADDICTION HERE

    Sigh. It's been a little over 3 months since we're married and I don't know what to do. I found out about my husbands secret porn addiction a few weeks ago and it's tearing me apart. I haven't confronted him yet because I don't know how to. But the instances are becoming more frequent and I can't sleep at night just thinking about it. I can feel the loss of connection when we're having sex. I can't deal with emotional insecurity. Today he asked me if I don't look, see and admire other guys that I like and he even went as far as telling me how much he likes to look at one of my colleagues. After reading your article I realize this is one of the side effects of porn addiction. I don't know what to do but I cannot live like this and need help." -Sydney

    The First Steps Of Help For A Porn Addiction

    Here are the most important first steps to get you started:

    1. Know that you’re not alone. Regardless of whether you're the one struggling or it’s your partner, it's important to know that millions of others are struggling too. Check out our community page to connect with some of them. Reading the stories of others and how they've coped can be both comforting and helpful.
    2. Understand that porn addiction is complicated and very powerful. You or your loved one may have every intention to stop, but it takes much more than a desire to overcome the addictive control of porn.
    3. Help with a porn addiction needs to come from an experienced professional. Getting the right treatment is crucial in order to have long-term success.

    Change is possible. I see it every day with the men and women I counsel. However, it does require a commitment to putting in some hard work. You can see from the above stories that there's a big difference between saying you want to stop and actually doing it for real. I hope you're ready and willing to make the commitment to get the porn addiction help you really need.

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