Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
6 Min Read
Contents
Part 2 of 3
It's natural for men to want to look at women, right?
Yes, it is.
Men like to look at women. And whether they'll admit to it or not, they especially like to look at naked women. Thus, the popularity of porn.
Which begs the question –
Is porn bad for you?
Yes, it is.
But how can porn be bad if it's just a way to do something that comes naturally?
That's a very good question.
Let's look at some real-life stories of porn users to learn how porn can be damaging.
Below are a few excerpts of submissions we've received from women whose partners watch porn. Following each story, I'll give some feedback and explanation for each situation.
If you're asking if porn is actually bad for you, hopefully these people's stories will help you see how it can take a natural desire and healthy relationship and change each of them in ways that are unhealthy.
I just have a little concern about my boyfriend. He is a very nice man, very honest to everything, he never keeps secret to me. He told me from the start of our relationship that he loves to look women, and he never care even I'm with him in public. And every time we are having sex it's hard for him to cum without watching porn. The porn is on every time we are having sex. And he never cum to me, he always wants to have a blowjob. It bothers me too much. What should I do? I LOVE HIM. But he doesn't think porn is really that bad. He always says to me porn is just like a dildo, it's not a big deal. Tried to ignore his habits but its killing me inside. I never had a man who is very obsessed with porn. This is something that very different to me. Maybe something wrong with me. We love each other, but sometimes when I think about it, its drives me crazy, its killing me inside. We have talked about it and he always tells me don't worry too much about it because he loves me. But I need advice." -Evelyn
Still asking is porn bad for you?
One of the ways porn is bad is that it changes how we get aroused.
As men watch more and more porn it can take longer for them to be stimulated. They become desensitized to seeing just one naked woman, and now need to see many naked women, or something new sexually in order to become excited.
Masturbating almost always accompanies porn viewing.
Excessive masturbation changes what sensations create arousal, and the result for men who look at porn is that they often require more tactile stimulation than they used to or is normal. This leads to intercourse no longer being sufficient for achieving orgasm. It can also cause porn induced erectile dysfunction (PIED).
Still thinking that porn isn't that bad for you?
Keep reading.
I have been married for six years now. And we had a small separation but tried to fix it. I realized that he almost never wants to have sex, but in the evening it is so bad he could just sit next to me and something in his pants would say hello. Then one day I took his phone and saw that he was and still is watching porn, but funny weird porn. And 2 weeks back I was shocked because he was also looking at gay porn and games. So can you help me with that?" -Rachel
Hmmm . . . does Rachel's situation sound healthy?
I know my husband is a watcher of porn. I didn't know he watched man on man porn. Is this a normal thing for men to do? -Ainsley
It's not normal for most men, but it's common for men who watch porn regularly to have their sexual interests broadened immensely.
Sexuality that they never previously had any interest in can become intriguing because of the effect of and exposure to porn. I've counseled men and their partners where the guys have pursued anal sex, threesomes, swinging, and even rape of their partner because of the influence of porn.
Still doubting is porn bad for you?
My husband of 7 years has been using porn early before work to ‘release’. He spends a good 25-30 minutes pleasing himself then wakes me up to help get him ready for work. I told him this bothers me because many times when he finally comes home from being away for work I want some sex and he says he's tired. I'm just so annoyed that this crap its ALWAYS on his phone. Everyday at least 8-11 different internet pages. This is what he had to say about all this: ‘it is not an issue, I need it to wake up, it feels nice, I'm not looking for anyone woman on here in particular, I just enjoy the silly bad acting cheesy skits.’ He doesn't believe porn is harmful. What makes me more upset is the further details on his sexual issues like: He has on many occasions followed females to watch their see-through clothes, skirts go up and he has even video recorded these women. He has even wrote (emailed) to some woman's Craigslist sex ad. And I saw all of this and he said he is soooo sorry and will not do it again. And took a very long time to delete these videos. Some are probably still on his phone. This hurts me, I told him this, and it hurt a million times more when I was pregnant. I'm to the point that I don't know what to do. He says he loves me dearly, does everything to make a good life for me and our child. He says I'm sexy and is so attracted. But he will just never stop no matter what I do." -Steph
As we've seen in the previous stories, porn is bad for you because it changes a person in unhealthy ways.
While Steph's husband wants to believe his porn viewing is innocent enough, the truth is that it's led him into increasingly riskier (and potentially criminal) behavior.
He illustrates one of the biggest lies about porn – that it's normal and harmless. The reality is that porn slowly and deceptively leads us down a destructive path, and we usually don't even see it.
Yes, porn is bad for you – whether you’re a man or a woman, and whether you watch it alone or together.
Most women have absolutely no interest in the porn men watch. However, a few do. But unless porn’s become an addiction for these women they don’t watch with the same frequency as men.
Other women can have an interest in a different type of porn often referred to as ‘Mommy Porn.’ This tends to be more story and romance related rather than sexually graphic. Think 50 Shades Of Gray.
Some of you guys may be saying,
Hold on – if my woman wants to watch porn then we’re watching it!”
I’ve found in my years of counseling couples about porn that many women only agree to watch porn with their partner to make him happy.
As the saying goes, ‘They go along to get along.’
It’s a compromise many women will make because they don’t fully understand how doing so hurts their relationship.
Porn changes you – both men and women.
What was an intimate experience between two loving partners can become corrupted. The result will be a breakdown in closeness and dissatisfaction in your relationship.
No matter how you look at it porn doesn’t promote,
If you watch porn you need to know that,
So, is porn really bad for you?
Yep, it certainly is.
This discussion exploring the question, is porn bad for you, is the second of 3 articles examining porn use. The first article provided help for a porn addiction by looking at how it can become addictive. In the next and final article we'll discuss the ways porn hurts the women in men's lives. My hope is that by showing you the effects porn has on the lives of other's you can learn to make some different choices in your own life.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published January 28, 2016, updated on October 12, 2021, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Women ask Why Does My Boyfriend Watch Porn Then Want Sex With Me? See what a relationship counselor for men says about men Watching Porn And Wanting Sex,
Wondering if Porn Is Cheating? Find out what psychology experts say about whether Porn Is Cheating.
Breaking a porn addiction isn’t easy. Learn how to handle relapses here.
© 2025 Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, APC, All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Sitemap | Do Not Sell or Share My Information
Featured logos are trademarks of their respective owners.
These posts have been so helpful. I don't know how to trust my husband at all. I'll try to make this short. I fell head over heels in love with my husband. I had no idea that my husband had a porn addiction. I caught him several months ago looking at porn in the middle of the night. He tried to deny it. I caught him red handed on the computer. He then admitted it but said he found women beautiful. I said that wasn't beauty that I saw. We had a whirlwind romance married only after a year of dating. I found some emails that he was emailing a woman while we were dating asking to meet her for dinner or sex whatever she wanted. This was previous to the porn incident. He completely denied this. Then turned it all back on me said I was a sneak and he never planned on meeting this woman he was just curious about who she was. There was many sexual emails between them over months. We had been dating the whole time. I told him that is cheating, he said no it's not we were only dating. He also said the porn is not cheating. Fast forward to a week ago. He left his email up on the computer. There's an email on there from a porn site like Facebook saying that someone that he followed posted a video. Of course I went that site I was disgusted, it was a site for voyeurs to post pics and videos of sex acts. I tried to keep it to myself to catch him in the act but I boiled over. He was shocked I found out. He threw glasses broke things. Broke our bedroom door. Then put me down sexually. I should say we always had a great sex life till about six months ago. He started telling me sex ruined marriages. Anyway, he came completely clean over the next few days telling me he did have a porn addiction basically all his life. I never knew. But he ABSOLUTELY did not think it was cheating on me. It wasn't right. Oh I should mention we are Pentecostal Christians. I am down to earth but not about porn!! Plus before we got married I told him my views about porn and he admitted he told me NOTHING about his abductionm addiction because of my views. Please help. He took his email off our computer because he said I'm a snoop. I said how am I suppose to trust you? He said that's your issue. He is a complete narcissist. Your advice please!!
Becca, There's a lot going on here to address in this small forum. Porn addiction is pretty tricky to deal with. Like any addiction, however, he will have to want to get the help to recover from it. Professional counseling would be a good way to figure out what else is going on. - Kurt
I'm actually looking for a counselor now. I hope he is willing. Thank you for the response.
Becca, Even if he won't go with you, go on your own. Counseling doesn't need both of you to work. In my experience, once one partner comes in, the other one wants to. -Kurt
I have no advice for ANYONE , I have almost the same situation. You mentioned the looking at facebook, and other women. I have been married for 25 years with the same man, I was put into a situation where his brother in-law would come into my room when he wasnt home and took what he wanted sexually, he did it for some time until someone caught him with me, and it went on only because this person knew the angry person my husband was and that he would believe a stranger other than his wife. A few years later after starting our life over with each other, he started buying escorts, he started looking at porn, he solicited women and not just any women, young girls that is younger than his daughter. I confronted him and he swears it will never happened again, but it did, and again he swears it would never happen again. It stopped again for a few years, now he sat me down to tell me wheather I like it or not he is going to watch his porn and if I want to leave it is my choice, he then started to make himself feel better by blaming me for things that made no sense. Right now I am so confused to where I dont know what to do with my life.
I have no advice for ANYONE , I have almost the same situation. You mentioned the looking at facebook, and other women. I have been married for 25 years with the same man, I was put into a situation where his brother in-law would come into my room when he wasnt home and took what he wanted sexually, he did it for some time until someone caught him with me, and it went on only because this person knew the angry person my husband was and that he would believe a stranger other than his wife. A few years later after starting our life over with each other, he started buying escorts, he started looking at porn, he solicited women and not just any women, young girls that is younger than his daughter. I confronted him and he swears it will never happened again, but it did, and again he swears it would never happen again. It stopped again for a few years, now he sat me down to tell me wheather I like it or not he is going to watch his porn and if I want to leave it is my choice, he then started to make himself feel better by blaming me for things that made no sense. Right now I am so confused to where I dont know what to do with my life.
My partner watches porn constantly. Recently started to watch it before we have sex. I feel like I'm unable to make him cum unless he watches porn videos.