4 Min Read
- How Often Men And Women Want Sex
- Men And The Frequency Of Sexual Thoughts
- Why It’s A Myth That Men Only Want Sex
- What To Take Away
Men are often perceived as being obsessed with sex or at least having a one-track mind about it. Truthfully, that isn’t usually the case.
In this article, I’ll discuss 3 common beliefs about men and sex. There certainly are a lot more misperceptions associated with men and sex, but we’ll start with these biggies. First, do men want sex all the time?
If we believe what we’re told in the media, all guys ever want is sex. Most sitcoms have a prominent or, at a minimum, underlying theme about men and their never-ending pursuit of sex.
Obviously, this is an overgeneralization - it’s just not true that men want sex all the time, but it can be true that men want sex more than women. Even this, however, can be very dependent on the circumstances.
How Often Men And Women Want Sex
The difference between men and women in their level of desire for sex causes a common complaint I hear in couples counseling - men wish they had sex more often.
Or some men claiming they need more sex. While there are biological factors that drive men to feel the need for sex, it’s not true that there’s an inherent need for sex. It’s more of a powerful want.
The image below implies that if you offer a guy sex, he’ll take it – anytime, anywhere, and with anyone. This social media post is intended to be comical. Still, it does play on the common belief about the typical man having an unquenchable desire for sex.
The truth is that sex drives between men and women can definitely vary, but it’s often situation-specific.
Women are typically more connected to and aroused by the emotional aspects of sex. In contrast, men tend to be able to separate the physical from the emotional more easily. It’s not necessarily that a woman’s interest or drive is lower. Hormones and other biological changes can influence that, but a woman’s desire is greatly influenced by the emotional and intimate connection she may or may not have with her partner at any particular time.
Don’t misunderstand -- men also need an emotional connection regarding intimacy. In fact, many men will choose to abstain rather than have meaningless or unemotional sex.
Many of the men who come into counseling complaining that there isn’t enough sex in their relationship are also looking for that same emotional connection with their partners – they just don’t always know it or how to achieve it. In these cases, it’s often poor communication about sexual needs and desires that are compounding things and even creating more significant problems overall.
Men And The Frequency Of Sexual Thoughts
So, if it’s not true that men want sex all the time, is it true that men think about sex every 7 seconds?
No, this is absolutely a myth.
No one can obsess over anything that frequently and still can be functional at anything else.
Although some men do think about sex a lot. Here are some of the other factors that can affect how much:
Younger men typically think about sex more than older men.
Interests and Hobbies
A couple of years ago, I counseled a guy with a boat who took it out on the river several times a week. With this hobby, he saw women in bikinis regularly.
I’m working with a 69-year-old man who attends a fitness class several times a week where the women are dressed in yoga pants and crop tops.
While both of these situations are normal, they do provide sexual stimuli that have caused these guys to think about sex more than they usually would and have contributed to these men wanting sex, not all the time, but certainly more.
Peer pressure and discussions about sexual topics with friends can influence how often men think about sex. In addition, many men often trade sexually provocative memes, pictures, or jokes as a means of entertainment.
Movies, television shows, commercials, websites with sexually stimulating content, and even video games all of these can fuel thoughts about sex. The annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is a perfect example of something that is considered normal but increases a man’s focus on sex.
The use of drugs or alcohol can affect sexual thoughts and desires, sometimes increasing or decreasing them.
The desire to watch porn not only comes from thinking about sex, but porn viewing makes men think about sex even more. One of the misperceptions about porn is that it’s a good outlet for men’s high sex drive when actually, it makes their sex drive even higher.
For men, more exposure to sexual stimuli just leads to more thoughts about sex.
It’s just a fact that whatever we feed our brain is what our brain will want more. For guys who want sex all the time, this is one of the most common reasons why.
It’s also important to recognize that these factors are interconnected, and their influence can vary from person to person.
It’s important to know there’s no quantifiable number of sexual thoughts that are considered “normal” or appropriate.
What one person considers a “normal” or healthy frequency of sexual thoughts may differ from another person’s perspective. What’s more important to consider is how these thoughts influence behavior.
If sexual thoughts impede productivity, are the cause of inappropriate actions or speech, or create problems in a relationship. Their frequency and influence are a problem.
Why It’s A Myth That Men Only Want Sex
Is sex the only thing men want?
Of course not. Men also want love, connection, meaningful relationships, recognition, success, happiness, etc. But for most men, there’s no question that sex is a very strong drive.
What does it mean when a man isn’t interested in sex?
Lack of interest in sex can come from a wide range of things, and much of the time, it has nothing to do with no longer liking sex or not being attracted to a partner.
Here are a few common causes of loss of interest in sex for men:
- Prescription medication
- Alcohol or recreational drug abuse
- Erectile dysfunction
- Relationship discontent
- Midlife crisis
- Any kind of activity that has become obsessive (such as gaming)
- Porn (I know this seems contradictory, but one of porn’s effects can be an outward appearance of lack of interest).
Emotional and psychological factors, including intimacy, emotional connection, and relationship dynamics, can significantly affect how important sex is, even for men. Some men may find that emotional intimacy and connection are more important to them than physical aspects of sex.
What To Take Away
Hopefully, this article helps to answer questions regarding whether men want sex all the time.
Sex is a strong physical drive for men, and many unknowingly feed that drive and make it even stronger than it usually would be through the lifestyle choices they make.
If you want to see what your normal sex drive really is like, remove as much of the sexual stimuli in your life as possible. Do this for 8 weeks, and your brain will begin to return to its normal sex drive level.
Even though I’ve talked about men as a group, it’s essential to avoid making broad generalizations about sex regarding any group. Instead, we should recognize, understand, and respect individual differences when it comes to sexuality.
Communication and respect within a relationship are keys to ensuring that both partners are satisfied and comfortable with the level of importance placed on sex. This is particularly important to keep in mind if you’re feeling like the man in your life seems to think about sex all the time.
Do you have other questions about men and sex? If so, leave them in a comment below.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published July 14, 2015, updated on November 6, 2019, and has been updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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