Would you recognize Emotional Manipulation In Your Marriage? Check the signs of Emotional Manipulation In Marriage and how you can stop being manipulated.
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Contents
Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Matrimonia, where marital bliss and occasional mayhem reigned supreme, love could be at times as volatile as an ocean during a hurricane. Here, occasional fair weather, “I love yous,” often gave way to lightning strikes in the form of threats of divorce.
In this land, couples lived with everyday arguments turning into epic showdowns where threats of divorce were used like arrows pulled from a quiver of discord.
Amusing? Maybe on paper.
But threatening divorce isn’t funny, or an appropriate approach to winning an argument.
In fact, using the threat of divorce as a weapon can meet the definition of emotional abuse, and cause severe problems for your relationship and damage to your partner.
If only it were a clear “yes” or “no” answer. Unfortunately, the threat of divorce isn’t black or white, but many shades of gray.
Threatening divorce on its own is not inherently abusive.
Although a poor response to conflict, in some cases, threatening to initiate divorce might be a genuine expression of frustration or anger. At a minimum, it’s a red flag regarding the state of your relationship.
Healthy communication, even in troubled relationships, means partners should be able to express their feelings and concerns openly and honestly. This includes discussing the possibility of separation or divorce if issues are so significant that they’re unable to be resolved.
But when divorce is threatened frequently or gratuitously, context and intent should be questioned to determine whether these threats have become emotionally abusive.
If the threats are used in a controlling manner that crosses the line into abusive behavior.
Part of the definition of emotional abuse is when manipulation, coercion, or intimidation of another person is used to gain power and control over them.
A person experiencing emotional abuse may feel afraid to anger their partner or behave in ways they’re not comfortable with simply to please their partner. Their partner may also cause them to feel,
Threatening divorce may not seem like abusive behavior, but when it’s frequent and used for personal gain, or becomes a tactic to control or manipulate the other person's,
it absolutely meets the criteria of emotional abuse.
For example,
are all threats of divorce being used in an abusive manner.
Because threatening divorce can have such an emotional impact, recognizing the behavior as abusive can be difficult.
Very often, the threatened spouse is focused solely on saving their marriage and keeping the threat of divorce from becoming a reality. They don’t stop to think about how those threats are being used.
It’s a forest and trees scenario and isn’t uncommon.
People experiencing abuse in their relationship are frequently unable to see what’s happening until it’s become extreme. There are signs, however.
Some signs that threatening divorce has become emotionally abusive include:
It should be noted that emotional abuse, including threats of divorce, often follows a cyclical, three-phase pattern.
This cycle creates a blind spot to the abusive nature of the behavior by instilling hope that the positives seen during the reconciliation phase will become permanent.
Unfortunately, it’s far more likely that abusive behavior will resume later.
You bet.
A person whose marriage is regularly threatened with divorce can experience long-lasting psychological effects.
Some of the potential lasting effects on the individual may include:
Regular threats of divorce will create a toxic environment in the marriage, destroying both trust and intimacy. Eventually partners are left with what can feel like an insurmountable wall between them.
It would be nice if stopping constant threats was as easy as saying,
Please don’t do that anymore.”
Perhaps that’s the case in the fictional land of Matramonia, but sadly, in the real world, it’s much more complicated.
Ending the abusive use of divorce threats will require effort and, very likely, the help of a marriage counselor.
You can begin the process on your own, however.
If your spouse is constantly threatening divorce, consider making the following efforts:
Dr. Kurt works with couples weekly who weaponize threats of divorce. When asked about it, he had this to say,
I deal with spouses threatening divorce all the time. Sadly, it's pretty common. Threatening divorce is very different from talking divorce. There's nothing wrong with telling your partner you're thinking about divorce, want to talk about what divorce might look like, or that you feel like that's the only option for things to change. All of these forms are honest and healthy, although certainly not comfortable or positive. On the other hand, screaming 'I'm filing for divorce' or 'I'm calling a divorce lawyer in the morning' during a fight is not only not constructive, but it's destructive. It's said to hurt the other. The result is more pain and distance for both, which only leads to saying it again."
Even with your best efforts, it’s important to understand that none of this happens overnight. Resolving deep-seated issues and changing habitually bad behavior takes time and dedication.
This means that while no amount of abuse is acceptable, patience and recognizing progress are essential as you work towards a more respectful and stable relationship.
Constantly threatening divorce can have severe and long-lasting effects on an individual’s mental and emotional well-being.
If you or someone you know is experiencing this, keep the following in mind:
Each relationship is unique, but it’s not a stretch to say that if either partner is threatening divorce, there’s a problem to be addressed. Remember, no amount of emotional abuse is acceptable. If divorce is being threatened in an abusive way it must stop and if it doesn’t then just maybe it’s time to call their bluff and move on.
Would you recognize Emotional Manipulation In Your Marriage? Check the signs of Emotional Manipulation In Marriage and how you can stop being manipulated.
Want to know what Abusive Women are really like? Take a look at 7 behaviors used by Women who are Abusive. Read quotes from Women who Abuse and partners.
No one gets into a relationship expecting to be controlled by their partner.
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This article really helped me express how my wife’s threats of divorce, more than 15 times in a 3-4 year span has affected our relationship. It’s unfortunate that after reading this article with her present that she blamed me for all her behaviour. Time for me to move on. Thank you