What You Need To Know About Abuse Of Power In A Relationship

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Contents

How Power Abuse Manifests In A Relationship
The Most Common Forms Of Abuse Of Power In A Relationship
Takeaways Regarding Abuse Of Power In A Relationship
FAQs

Good relationships are built on mutual respect and trust. Unfortunately, not all relationships are good, and many lack these fundamental elements.

Respect and trust are necessary for creating happiness and fostering love. They also act as the guide rails for power balance in a relationship. A lack of these key elements will lead to a power imbalance and quite likely, an abuse of power in that relationship.

And there’s no question about it – abuse of power in a relationship is extremely damaging and a big problem.

How Power Abuse Manifests In A Relationship

Abuse of power in a relationship isn’t always obvious – it can be subtle and manifest in ways and areas you’re not expecting. It’s also manipulative and emotionally draining.

In his practice Dr. Kurt works with couples facing power struggles every day. According to him,

Abuse of power in relationships sounds big and ominous, but in real-life it usually manifests in small, subtle ways that can be difficult to detect. And often they're twisted around and described as acts of love."

In a romantic relationship, abuse of power occurs when one partner exerts control over the other. This can be intentional or a result of behavior that stems from deeper psychological issues, like narcissism or desire for dominance or control.

Regardless of intent, the result is the same – a partner who feels trapped, manipulated, and unable to live and operate freely.

The Most Common Forms Of Abuse Of Power In A Relationship

Abuse of power in a relationship can take many shapes. The most common forms include,

Control of daily life

When one partner exerts power over the other’s daily life it can be considered abusive.

If they isolate their partner by discouraging or preventing them from seeing family or friends it's damaging behavior.

Examples may include monitoring their communication (calls, texts, or social media), tracking phone location, or demanding an account of, or putting restrictions on, where they go or how they get there.

Extreme cases may include control of eating habits, clothing choices, or hobbies.

Financial control

Money is the most common source of arguments and tension in relationships. So, it shouldn’t be any surprise that it’s also one of the most common forms of abuse of power in a relationship.

A partner who controls shared finances and restricts the financial independence of the other partner is abusing their power. They may do this to keep their partner dependent on them, but it’s also possible that they genuinely think they’re doing the best thing for their family and future.

However, if they discourage personal growth, work, or educational opportunities, that’s a problem.

The flip side is the partner who weaponizes overspending at the other partner’s expense or uses it as a method of retaliation.

Emotional manipulation

Gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and the the silent treatment are all examples of how emotional power can be abused in a relationship.

It’s very easy for this type of power abuse to creep into a relationship without one (maybe either partner) realizing it.

Examples of emotional manipulation include withholding affection as punishment or as a means to an end, using the power of guilt to control someone’s behavior, or making someone doubt themselves and their own understanding of reality.

Sexual coercion

No one should be forced to engage in sexual activities against their will. What many don’t realize is that using sex as a tool to influence your partner’s behavior is really just that – pushing someone to engage in sex against their natural desire.

Sexual coercion is absolutely an abuse of power in a relationship.

There’s no such thing as “wifely duties.” And wearing lingerie or the promise of intimacy shouldn’t be the avenue to getting what you want. Nor should you ever have sex out of guilt or pity.

Physical intimidation or verbal abuse

Anytime you’re afraid for your physical safety in a relationship, there’s abuse. Even if it’s just being threatened and not carried out, it’s an abuse of power.

The same is true for verbal abuse.

Verbal abuse serves to undermine your self-confidence and control you through fear.

Takeaways Regarding Abuse Of Power In A Relationship

Living in a relationship where power is abused can have devastating effects on mental, emotional, and physical health.

It can also have long-term consequences, including

Anxiety
Depression
Isolation and loneliness
Loss of self-identity
Financial dependence or instability

If there’s an abuse of power in your relationship, or if you’re seeing red flags that there’s an imbalance of power in your relationship, it’s crucial for you to take steps to change it.

There are resources available in most communities if you need help. Or, counseling (with or without your partner) can help you achieve the change you need.

FAQs

How can I tell if my partner abuses their power in our relationship?

Signs of abuse of power include feeling controlled, manipulated, or fearful. If your partner dictates your choices, isolates you, or uses guilt and intimidation to influence or control your actions, these are red flags.

Can abuse of power be non-violent?

Absolutely. Emotional and psychological abuse, such as gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and isolation, can be just as damaging as physical abuse.

What should I do if I think a friend is in an abusive relationship?

Offer support without judgment and encourage them to talk to a professional counselor. You can also provide resources for help, such as hotlines or support groups.