5 Min Read
- How Porn Becomes Part Of The Day Of A Normal Guy
- 3 Signs Of Porn Addiction
- What To Take Away
- What Readers Say (85+ Comments)
Part 1 of 3
Jay is just an average guy – one of the many guys with a porn addiction.
But Jay didn't realize he had an addiction. He thought other guys were the ones who had addictions to porn, but not him because porn was just an occasional part of his life – not an addiction.
Porn was just a way to pass time for Jay, so he figured it was harmless. No one got hurt and it wasn’t causing a problem in his marriage that he could see.
An addiction to porn wasn’t something an average guy like him would struggle with he thought -- porn addictions were problems that lonely, reclusive guys had. He was married after all! Porn was for fun, to kill time, and relieve some stress.
In Jay’s mind watching porn was not a big deal and any suggestion that it was a problem was met with an eye roll and dismissed.
It’s just a thing all guys like and watch on occasion.
How Porn Becomes Part Of The Day Of A Normal Guy
Many guys don’t even realize that porn has become a regular part of their routine. In fact, when asked, most guys would tell you they don’t look porn that often – just occasionally if the opportunity presents itself.
When they start to really think about it, however, a lot of those guys can begin to realize that porn is a much larger part of their daily lives than they realized. And that somewhere along the way their occasional viewing of porn became something they depended upon.
Here's how routine porn addictions can be:
- After work. Usually after work Jay would come home, grab a beer, and surf the internet to relax for a while before Charlene would get home with the kids. Often he'd end up on porn sites. Jay had some favorites that he liked, but buddies would also send him pics and clips from other porn sites too.
- At night. Jay and Charlene had different sleep routines. She went to bed early - he stayed up late.
Jay liked to watch Sports Center on ESPN after Charlene went to bed, but he would also channel surf and could easily find something 'entertaining' on Cinemax or Showtime.
- Weekends. Occasionally, the guys at work would go out for a drink after work on Fridays and typically they'd go to a strip club. No big deal, it wasn’t like he was going to go home with one of those girls. In his mind he was totally faithful to Charlene.
He figured his behavior was all pretty normal.
Charlene knew about most of it, although there were some things she didn't know about – that’s normal too, right?
She seemed okay with it all and didn’t complain, so maybe she even liked porn a little too he thought.
What Jay didn't recognize was how much he came to rely on porn to relieve stress, escape, and just to be able to relax. He hadn't noticed how regular it had become.
What he couldn’t see was that, even as a normal, average guy, he'd developed a porn addiction.
3 Signs Of Porn Addiction
Addictions are sneaky. No one starts anything with the intention of becoming addicted to it.
The cocaine addict doesn’t do his first line hoping to become a junkie, and the alcoholic doesn't take a drink doesn’t take a drink thinking that becoming a drunk is a good idea.
The same is true of porn addictions.
Porn seems harmless to most men (and to a lot of women too). It’s easy to think porn is not cheating, no one is getting hurt, and it you can stop anytime, right?
Well, not really. Porn actually causes many problems for the individual and their relationship.
So how does the average guy know if he has a porn addiction?
1. When you have a need for porn on a regular basis, or dependence on porn for sexual satisfaction, that's one of the signs of porn addictions.
Jay didn't know how porn changed his brain and created an even stronger desire to look at women in sexually explicit ways. He didn't see how late-night cable shows, surfing porn sites, and the occasional strip club visit fed his desire to see more naked women and watch more porn.
2. Requiring increasing amounts of porn for stimulation is one of the signs of addiction.
He also couldn't see the effects porn was having on his sex life with Charlene.
His sexual appetite had begun to change. He still wanted to have sex with her, but sometimes she couldn’t satisfy him, and he needed to spend time watching porn after they had sex in order to have an orgasm.
He’d also begun pushing Charlene to have sex in ways he'd seen on porn sites. He told himself it was in effort to keep things fun and interesting, but Charlene didn’t see it that way and she didn’t like most of it. His actions and requests felt degrading and as though they really had nothing to do with her – and the truth was they didn’t.
3. When your sex life is affected by viewing porn, that's one of the signs for porn addictions.
Jay and Charlene’s sex life had become awkward. She felt like he was acting like someone else and wanted her to be someone else too. He was making her feel uncomfortable, like she wasn’t enough for him, and wasn’t what he really wanted. As a result, the intimacy in their relationship was beginning to break down.
What neither of them realized is that porn addiction can actually cause erectile dysfunction.
Porn addictions can often look like what many people would describe as pretty normal guy behavior – most guys just like to look at girls, right?
Yes, but addictions to porn aren’t normal, they're a problem.
What To Take Away
If you’re a typical guy and think your porn habit is normal and not an addiction, keep the following things in mind:
- Porn is highly addictive and becoming addicted to porn can happen easily and quickly.
- Watching porn can change your ability to respond sexually to your partner.
- Since porn’s easy to find and seems like normal guy behavior many men can find themselves dealing with an addiction and not even know it.
- A porn addiction doesn’t just affect you – it affects your partner as well, and in potentially damaging ways.
- A porn addiction often goes on for a long time before it’s dealt with, and by that point it’s usually already caused many problems, like those Jay is experiencing.
- Know that a lot of average guys deal with porn addictions too.
If you think you may have a porn addiction, or know someone who does, don't struggle alone. Get some help from a counselor experienced in porn addiction.
Read Part 2 of Jay & Charlene's story - A Guy Confesses He's Addicted to Pornography and Part 3 - Porn Addiction Help for a Wife Who Finds Her Husband's Porn.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published September 13, 2012. It was updated on December 11, 2018, and now again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Looking for More? Check Out These Articles
- A Guy Confesses He's Addicted To Pornography (Part 2)
- Wife Finds Out About Husband's Porn Addiction (Part 3)
- Why Men Look At Other Women And How To Make It Stop
- Get More Help with a Porn Addiction