5 Min Read
- Where To Start Looking For Signs Of Anger Issues
- Who Deals With Anger Issues?
- How Can I Tell If Someone Has Anger Issues?
- Could You Have Issues With Anger?
- What You Can Do When You See Signs Of Anger Issues
- What To Take Away
- Comments (65+)
We’ve all experienced anger. Whether it’s triggered by another person, situation, or the various injustices in the world, anger is a common human feeling and response. But does feeling angry mean you have anger issues?
There’s a difference between occasionally getting angry and having anger issues.
However, knowing whether your anger is in the normal range or a whether you’re one of the many people who have issues with anger can be tricky.
The good news for those whose anger goes beyond the occasional is that there are some very clear signs of anger issues that can help you understand the difference.
Where To Start Looking For Signs Of Anger Issues
The best place to look for signs that you’ve got issues with anger is with the people closest to you.
Most people can do a pretty good job hiding anger from friends and coworkers, but it's our loved ones who see us when we're the most real.
They’re the ones we feel most relaxed and safest with, so, unfortunately, they’re the ones we’re also most likely take our anger out on. And for some of us it happens so often that it becomes a problem.,
Regular anger can cause difficulties with relationships, families, and jobs.
So, what are the signs that you have anger issues and what can you do about it?
Is it possible that because of your anger you could look like this shark to your wife, partner, or kids?
Those of us with anger issues never want to think so, but sadly, sometimes those around us see -- and fear -- us just like we all do a Great White Shark.
Who Deals With Anger Issues?
It's easy to assume that it's just men who have anger management problems. While it’s true that men’s anger issues can be more obvious, women are just as prone to having problems with anger as men.
Struggling with anger has less to do with gender and more to do with the psychological issues and life experiences that have shaped us.
Often there can be unresolved problems from the past, that have created an emotional struggle within a person. When left unaddressed these feelings eventually impact our ability to control our anger and respond appropriately to situations or other people.
Present day external stresses can play a large role as well.
How we think about and process events is another contributing factor.
People who are already vulnerable to getting angry can find it difficult to let go of anger or control their anger response when faced with even mild stress. This can happen equally to both men and women.
How Can You Tell If Someone Has Anger Issues?
If a person is struggling with anger issues there will be signs.
Below are some real-life examples from people who have a loved one or close friend who is struggling with anger. You'll see that these struggles can be found in men and women alike.
- "He gets really angry and the name calling can start."
- "Asking him questions would only get him terribly angry."
- "I had been seeing signs of anger and temper flaring up rather easily before the incident happened."
- "How do I communicate these points to him and not get my husband so angry that I cave and apologize for being so awful?"
- "Most of the women I've met since my ex have complained about the same thing: my temper."
- "I feel unloved and unwanted [by my husband] because he is angry and grumpy all of the time."
- "When I came back to start living with him again, I continued to notice the same bitter, angry, self-centered person."
- "I hate how angry he gets with me when I want to open up about something."
- "He said I used to become very furious with anger at times and that was the moment when he went to his 'friend' for advice to relax himself."
- "My wife and I constantly argue since my work changed. I try talking to her and she screams at me calling me names like "dirty dog" in front of her friends and family. She puts the blame of her anger all on me."
- "This is not the first time it happened, and every time she's gotten angry at me, she would just go away without saying a word and I would always try to make things better for both of us."
- "Pretty soon I was wrong about everything. I never had the right thought process for anything according to her. She would keep me awake all night on a work night telling me all that I do wrong after I would cook, clean, etc. She is getting more and more violent and angry."
Could You Have Issues With Anger?
Do you recognize yourself (or someone else) in the quotes above?
If you do, it’s likely that anger has become an issue.
There are a variety of behaviors that can indicate an anger management problem – you just have to know what to look for.
So, just what are some signs that you could have anger issues?
Let’s consider the patterns illustrated in the quotes above. Here are 10 that I identified:
- Criticizing, belittling, putting down.
- Lack of patience.
- Irritability and short temper.
- Blaming everyone and everything else.
- When you get angry you shut down or withdraw.
- People avoid you.
- Partner, kids, family members are afraid to talk to you.
- People feel like they're walking on eggshells around you.
- Others experience you as a Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde.
This isn't a complete list of signs that you have anger problems, but it's a pretty good start.
What You Can Do When You See Signs Of Anger Issues
If you recognize yourself, or someone you know, in these quotes or this list of anger symptoms, don't feel too bad.
Struggles with anger are common. The first step towards change is awareness and acceptance of the problem.
I used to see myself within this list too, but I’ve learned how to manage my anger and you can as well.
The biggest obstacle for those of us with anger issues is denying that it's true.
There’s no way to change if you can’t admit to yourself that change is needed.
It will be difficult, but also empowering, for you to be open with those you love about your desire to change. A support system can encourage and help hold you accountable with following through too.
You should know that learning to control your anger it isn't as easy as people would like to think.
However, learning the 3-fold approach we use to effectively treat anger management problems will help immensely.
What To Take Away
If you feel anger has gotten difficult to control and you’re seeing signs of anger issues, don’t wait any longer to act.
- Review again the 10 signs listed above and reconsider how many of them could apply to you.
- If you’re unsure if your anger is an issue, ask your partner, a family member, or friend.
- Know that both men and women can suffer from anger issues.
- If there could be a problem, admit it to yourself and begin to take some steps to change.
Anger issues will lead to many serious problems. These can be prevented though if action is taken to change.
Was this article helpful in learning the signs that you (or someone you love) has anger issues? If so, sign-up at the bottom of this page to receive notice of future posts or follow me on Facebook or Twitter where I share other helpful relationship and self-improvement advice like this several times a week.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published August 27, 2015, updated on November 13, 2018 and again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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