My Husband Loses His Temper Over Every Little Thing

3 Min Read

Contents

Where Anger Crosses The Line And Becomes A Problem
I Can’t Talk To Him About His Anger Without Him Exploding At Me
Takeaways When Your Husband Loses His Temper Over Every Little Thing
FAQs

Everything seems fine. Then, out nowhere, your husband loses his temper over something little.

We all have moments like this when we don’t respond the best.

A guy told me yesterday that he lost it with his 13-year-old daughter the night before trying to get her to go to bed. He was ashamed to admit that he yelled at her –

“Don’t f—k with me!!!”

But what if it’s not every once in a while?

What if your husband loses his temper over every little thing?

What can you do? How can you help him?

Where Anger Crosses The Line And Becomes A Problem

Obviously, if your husband loses his temper over every little thing that’s a problem. But what amount of emotion management is realistic to expect from your husband?

Never gets angry?
It’s only twice a year?
As long as it’s not every day?

Well, that really depends on the guy and his temperament and personality.

My wife knows that I can have strong feelings about things, so she knows not to expect that I’ll always have a mild response.

A husband’s temper really becomes a problem based on three criteria –

Intensity
Frequency
Impact

The description – “My husband loses his temper over every little thing” – implies all three.

First, intensity.

He doesn’t just get irritated or frustrated, he “loses his temper.” As wives have told me thousands of times, he – “blows up.”

Second, frequency.

“Over every little thing” suggests that happens often. This doesn’t have to mean daily, but more likely in spurts. He may go a week and everything is fine, but then the next week everything sets him off.

Lastly, impact.

If you’re searching online for help, then clearly his temper is having an impact – and not a good one.

Everybody gets angry occasionally. It’s the rare person who doesn’t show it. Losing your temper crosses the line when it causes damage too frequently.

And if the damage is significant enough, it doesn’t matter if it only happens twice a year.

Here’s an example –

My husband has temper tantrums. You can feel it when they are coming on. He becomes cross and easily agitated. When he blows up, he screams and cusses; he says hateful things and implies that I am stupid and worthless. A couple of hours later, he acts like it never happened. If I bring it up, he says that I caused the explosion. Any further discussion leads to another tantrum.” -Tessa

I Can’t Talk To Him About His Anger Without Him Exploding At Me

Wives regularly tell me they can’t talk to their husband about his temper without it getting turned on them. Just like Tessa just described above. When this happens regularly it can feel hopeless that it will ever change.

Since you’re likely the target of his anger, from his perspective his anger is going to seem justified. Even though this is typically not true, and even if it is his response is still probably way over the top, he’s still not likely to be willing to hear from you that his anger is a problem.

It usually takes the message coming from an unbiased source, such as professional counselor like myself.

However, there are a couple of different approaches you can take to try to get him to hear it from you too.

Here are a couple of don’ts –

Don’t try to talk to him in the moment. He’s not going to be clear thinking, and as I said above, he’s going to believe his response is justified.
Don’t approach him directly. In other words, don’t say something like this, “You’ve got an anger problem and need professional help.”

Here are a couple of dos –

Mention to him at a time when he’s relaxed that you’re concerned about his health and how his temper is affecting him.
Drop hints at random times that he appears stressed, irritable, or not his normal self.

Takeaways When Your Husband Loses His Temper Over Every Little Thing

We all get angry. That’s normal and not a problem. However, if your husband loses his temper over every little thing, then it becomes a problem when any of the following is too much for you, your kids, or your family – the Intensity, Frequency, or Impact.

It’s common for wives to feel that they can’t talk to their husband about his temper. Remember that when and how you approach him is crucial breaking through the wall of denial.

FAQs

Is My Husband Right That It’s My Fault He Gets Angry?

It’s very possible that you contribute to his getting angry, but nobody’s actions justify a loss of temper by their partner. Frustrated? Sure. But an anger problem is always the responsibility of the one with the anger.

What Do You Do When Your Husband Won’t Admit He Has An Anger Problem?

You need to know what the barrier is to his admitting it is. So, learn why he won’t admit it. You know him, what would be your best guess? He thinks his anger is justified? Fears being seen as weak?

Do you have a husband who loses his temper over little things? What is that like for you? Please share your experience with other readers.