Do I Need Anger Management? Here's How To Know

    how-do-I-know-if-I-need-anger-management.jpgIf you're asking yourself "Do I need anger management?", you need to be ready to give yourself an honest answer. Just needing to ask that question gives some indication what the true answer really could be.

    Evaluating our behavior is an important aspect of being a healthy, responsible person. Many of us refuse to do this until we get a 'wake-up call' that there could be a problem with our behavior. A common area where this occurs, especially for men, is with needing anger management.

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    We all can easily justify our anger, rather than being open-minded to seeing it's negative effects. I've worked with a lot of men in anger management classes who haven't been open to seeing the negative effects of their anger until they've gotten that 'wake-up call' -- like when they threw their kid across the room, pulled the dishwasher out of the cabinet, or punched a hole in the wall. When there's a lasting effect from our anger, it can help us wake-up and ask ourselves "Do I need anger management?"

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    Here's a post I wrote on our social media page about why people need anger management. It explains one of the signs that is common. The sign is also a clue to the honest answer as well.

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    An important point from this post is this: What makes anger wrong is not the anger itself, but rather what people do with it. Why people need anger management is because they let their anger become mean, cruel and hurtful. Everyone has the right to be angry, but no one has the right to let their anger hurt others.

    I was counseling a man this week who calls his wife an "a--hole," "bitch," "stupid" and few others choice words, some of which I wouldn't publish (use your imagination). Could this behavior be a sign that this guy should be asking himself, "Do I need anger management?" Yes.

    Although this man's anger is understandable, the cruel way he expresses it is not. The result of this guy's anger happens to be that he's presently living back with his parents while he and his wife are doing couples counseling with me to decide whether or not to stay married or get divorced.

    Sadly, this guy wanted to argue about whether or not calling someone (note his wife) an "a--hole" is hurtful, disrespectful and demeaning. In his mind, that word doesn't have that effect, but for his wife it does (see this article: Married To An Angry Man).

    One of the ways we answer the question, do I need anger management, is by looking at the effects of our anger. The guy above needs to open his mind to the truth that his anger, and how he expresses it, is partly why he's in counseling and facing the possibility of a divorce.

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    Could you be a little like this guy? Wanting to justify your anger rather than be open-minded to seeing it's negative effects. As I said in the post, most angry people don't realize, or refuse to recognize, how their anger hurts others (and themselves). Find out the type of men who go to anger management classes.

    Do yourself a big favor and open your mind to recognizing how your anger hurts others -- and yourself (I had to do this myself). When you do, you'll know the honest answer to your question "Do I need anger management?" Answering that question truthfully will change your life for the better in so many ways you can't imagine -- trust me, I know.

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