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"How Can I Get My Husband to Love Me Again?"

  
  
  
  

How Can I Get My Husband to Love Me AgainQ: How can I get my husband to love me again? He told me 5 months ago he wanted a divorce and that he wasn't in love with me anymore. He was going to leave after the holidays. They came and went and he stayed. He was going to leave in February then it was eventually now it is after our daughter graduates. He asked me to attend his family Easter dinner with him but still insists he is done. I am not sure that he is and that is why he hasn't left even when I told him to. He won’t do counseling and doesn't talk about his feelings. I feel he must still feel something if he hasn't left or filed for divorce. I think he is having a midlife crisis and doesn't know what he is doing. Is it too late to try and save my marriage and get my husband to love me again? -- Alissa

A: “How can I get my husband to love me again?” is a question I hear from women a lot. First, we need to remember that we cannot ‘make’ another person do anything. A good phrase to keep in mind is “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” 

The way to get your husband to love you again is by drawing (attracting) him back to you, not by forcing him. What drawing him back can look like will be different for everyone. 

Here are some ideas on how to answer the question, 'how can I get my husband to love me again?':

  1. Give Him Space. A big mistake is to fear that letting him go means losing him, when actually you can lose somebody by holding on to them too tightly.
  2. Go to Counseling. Getting a professional's opinion on yourself and your relationship can be eye opening and invaluable. Don't worry that he won't go with you and go without him (marriage counseling can still work with only one person).
  3. Change Yourself. This could mean changing a behavior he dislikes, such as nagging or too often reminding him of the things he does wrong; it could possibly be something about your appearance; don't be desperate to keep him (desperation is a big turnoff).

I'm sure your husband has a lot of things he needs to change about himself too. But it's a big mistake to focus there at first because he's probably not willing to hear that from you. Nevertheless, it is possible to get your husband to love you again. By changing ourselves our partners can become attracted to us and begin to love us again. 

How can I get my husband to love me again? Change yourself.

-- Kurt Smith, Marriage Counselor

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Comments

My husband has left me. He says he isnt having an affair, but not sure I believe him. I want him to fall back in love with me and come home.
Posted @ Thursday, December 13, 2012 5:59 AM by deborah
My husband has left me. He says he isnt having an affair, but not sure I believe him. I want him to fall back in love with me and come home.
Posted @ Saturday, December 15, 2012 4:34 AM by jane
Help! I'm confused and getting very frustrated. 
My husband and I have been separated for four months now and nothing is happening. He's doing nothing.  
He was having an emotional affair 3rd time second woman, so I kicked him out. We went to marriage counseling twice. She said he needed to go to personal before she would meet us again. In counseling he admitted he loved me but not in love with me. Immediately after separation and still wearing our rings trying to work on our marriage etc he started sleeping with her. Since then I've been going to personal counseling, focusing on me and the kids given him space, even told I still wAnt to be married and try to work it out. He is no longer seeing her. He gas not asked for a divorce, he left all our finances as it was. He will not talk. He will not say he wants a divorce, he needs time to think or even work on our marriage. We are civil and see each other often with kids and even sleep together. What do I do?This not talking is killing me.
Posted @ Tuesday, January 29, 2013 4:17 PM by Kay
Kay, Your personal counselor can advise you better than I since they know so much more about your situation. I can tell you that you shouldn't be sleeping with him though - no sex if the relationship isn't working and healthy. That's the first place to start. The next would be to put a time limit on how long you'll wait before he has to start showing some action - talking to you, counseling, behavior change, etc. -Kurt
Posted @ Wednesday, January 30, 2013 12:17 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
Hey 
Thanks for such a relevant article 
It really helped me. 
Thanks Again
Posted @ Friday, March 08, 2013 5:25 AM by vib
Enough of this spell casting business. Seriously, if you need to cast spells, perform magic and have a wanna be doctor pour fairy dust over a person to make them love you...you're in more trouble than you think. If I can't find true feelings of healing and repair to mend a relationship, then I will move on. These blogs should be kept for pure advice on actual experiences and testimonies.
Posted @ Tuesday, March 12, 2013 10:48 AM by Liza
In my view the best way to show some love to your partner and give sufficient amount of time to each other. Thats it.
Posted @ Thursday, March 14, 2013 7:01 AM by vibhor
In my view the best way to show some love to your partner and give sufficient amount of time to each other. Thats it.
Posted @ Thursday, March 14, 2013 7:02 AM by vibhor
I have to say im extremely impressed.. especially coming from a male figure. Im happy to say I caught on to these tips long ago..Ive been married since 2001 and we've been together since 1996... and yes please .. if I may comment to help.. IF YOU WANT YOUR PARTNER TO FLEE, DONT.. AND I MEAN DO NOT SMOTHER THEM.. I know I like to breath.. and my husband even has friends say theyre envious that I dont trap him or hunt him down,. Just because you split doesnt always mean they are out cheating.. our 7 year ich.. I left my husband cause we needed to work things out Im not sure if he played around but I never had the thought cross my mind.. Imto say were now totogether 16 yrs.. Marriage will not always be easy its work.. and both sides need to work and yes you wont always agree and its not a competition. Somebody doesnt have to win every battle... Its not that Ive never been insecure and thought he was cheating, but when you both realize that if there out to cheat you cant stop them, and why would you want to.. If thats there way of dealing with issue's than that person isnt worth it. Im not saying people dont make mistakes and if this has happened in your relationship and you decide to work things out.. than good for you guys to many marriages fail. I know im not giving up I was a child of divorce and they set out to find others and I as a young girl was left alone to still ask why this all happened? So very young I made a promise that I will not leave my children in this situation... so please , we are all human. And none of us are near perfect. Your a team. And you family is much better close with problems than broken ...
Posted @ Friday, March 29, 2013 11:04 PM by Karen Obrien
My husband said he no longer loved me at the end of November and wanted a separation, but he is still living at home. I have depression and have pushed him away for so long, but I have now changed even he has noticed it. I am being more positive about everything, but I still want my husband back and love him so much. What can I do!! We have been together for 19 yrs.Help.
Posted @ Wednesday, February 05, 2014 10:46 AM by hellen
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