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Why Men Look at Porn: 8 Things Women Need to Know About Internet Porn

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So why do men look at pornography?  Here are some reasons suggested by colleague, Jed Diamond, Ph.D., from his article Why Men Use Porn and What Women (and Men) Need to Know About It. 

As a therapist I talk to many men and women where pornography has become a problem in their lives. For some it creates a moral dilemma. "If we've agreed to be true to each other does having ‘virtual sex' in an on-line chat room constitute being unfaithful? One of my clients, Sarah, thinks it is. "I know if I did something like that, it would be the end of the marriage, she told me. "I know men are different and have different sexual drives, but if I can't trust him to be honest where will it end? Is it OK if he goes to a sex club and gets a lap dance? We had to deal with that for awhile. We've all got our desires. I don't see why we can't control them. Why do men need porn?"

For others it creates anger and distance in the relationship. Monica was furious with Ed when the couple came to see me. "I just don't get it. I like sex. I'm available whenever Ed is interested. Why should he be going after pornographic bimbos? I guess an occasional look see doesn't hurt, but he seems to be on the computer all the time. It's wrecking our marriage. Why does he need to do this?"

But with the advent of the internet it seems to be in our face in a big way. So why do men use porn?

1. They enjoy sexual excitement and release and porn delivers.
2. They like sexual variety and porn has an endless selection to choose from.
3. In real life the sexual practices that men like might not be those that their partners would like to engage in. In the world of porn, our sex partner will do anything we want them to do. And they will enjoy it. And they never get tired. And they are always ready for more.
4. The real world has a lot of stress and uncertainty. The world of porn is predictable and controllable.
5. Even when our sexual partner is available and interested most of the time (which can be a problem at any age, but particularly as we get older), there are always those times when we're hot to trot but our partner is tired tonight. A quick visit to the home office and a harem of available playmates awaits our commands.
6. Though many have overcome the Madonna/Whore complex where we find it difficult to get aroused with our motherly wives but go wild for the wanton woman we work with, for many its still easier to have "regular sex" with our partner and let our minds run wild with the things we might do if we let ourselves go.
7. In a world where we are all so busy with work, home, and family, a pornographic affair may seem like some small comfort for those who are cut-off and lonely.
8."Instant gratification isn't fast enough for me,"one client told me. In our speeded up world where we want everything served up fast and hot, pornography may be the perfect solution for our times.

So what do you think? Why do so many men use pornography these days? What are they looking for find? Are they finding what they're looking for? Are there things men miss when they choose pornographic sex?

There are some other significant reasons that I've discovered in my counseling for men struggling with Internet pornography. I'll share those reasons in another article. In the meantime, please share your thoughts below about why men look at porn.

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