What happened to the man making an effort as well? It always seems to fall on the woman's shoulder to patch thing up, why is that?

Ya I got back with my husband after 10 years he really different now he wants no sex and he never says he loves me or shows it he's 45 and I'm 36

Why should I have to praise him? ..praise him for what? Yelling at my son, Pushing me away when I practically beg for closeness...I am even seeking a plastic surgeon because he doesnt touch me...other men desire me...but the one i want does not...He doesnt love me...I can not leave him, because the children love him...I wear a fake smile everyday...and cry every night...He does not love me and it makes me not love myself...How do I praise him for that?

Jenn, I'm not suggesting that you praise him for not loving you or if he's abusive. However, to get love we must give love. Try to find something to praise or compliment and set the example of the type of relationship you want. -Kurt

i love my husband but no matter what i say or do he just dont love me we are together 14 years and i feel so alone half of the time,no matter how much i ask him to out on dates he says no he,d rather go out on hes own ive tried to make him feel special but 2 no avail,i dont see him making an effort to take me out and if im feeling down instead of trying to make me feel better he puts me down more and somehow ends up making it about him as usual ive tried everything mayb some marraiges are just not meant to be,im on my own most of the time anyway so y should i keep trying when he cant be bothered.

Ang, I believe and have seen all kinds of marriages change so I think anything is possible. You need to learn how to get the power to get him to change - a professional counselor can help with this. I doubt that you've tried everything. If you love him, it's worth the effort to learn what else you can do. -Kurt

Easier said than done.!!!10 years since we are married...1st five years he got my unconditional love..but he cheated me for five years..owned up n asked for forgiveness.. now i find it hard real hard to trust him..he says he loves me but i can ever feel it...i see him getting close to only after the lights r off..now i really feel hes taking me fr a ride n has gotten to a new relationship..i now dont want anything to have to do with this man...hw can i love this man?

BSMathew, Yes, it is easier said than done. And it's really hard to do when they don't deserve it. But we've got to practice putting into the relationship what we want to get out of it. -Kurt

I've been with my husband 4 20 yrs. I recently busted him Tlkg 2 a chick on da phone, he hide da # under some1 else name. Why he did it cus I'm not sexually active no more. Now he expecting me 2 put n I just can't. When we talk he makes it all about him. But he did this is sex everything n a marriage, what about us being friends, we don't go out no date nights. He expect sex. He is losing his mind, no I don't trust him. I have tired therapy, read da bible n prayed. Still I have no trust n him. It's sad

Deedee, If the counseling you went to didn't teach you what to do about the disrespect and lack of love in your marriage, then you need to go to a different counselor. You need to learn how to change your marriage, and the right counselor can help you with that. -Kurt

My husband and I have been married for 16 years. When I married him he lied about who he really was, a thug with criminal charges. I used to run away from that kind. Ater I was married to him I asked him why he lied to me, he said that I was a good girl and he knew I would not date him. He was right. Now 16 years later after I helped him go through school, he has 2 semesters to go before he graduates with his bachelor's in engineering he wants out of the marriage. He says he doesn't love me any more because I was to hard on him. Well he was very irresponsible with the bills and a huge spender. He promised me that when he finished I could go, because I dropped out so he could finish and now he wants to leave. I feel used I went through hell with his childish ways and putting up with poverty because of his criminal record and his racist parents. I now that his record is clear after 16 years, his credit is better than mine and he's about to graduate he wants a divorce. He doesn't want to talk and if I press a little he calls me a stalker. I cannot believe this monster was hidding inside this man all along. I am broken hearted.

LH, I'm very sorry to hear that. You need some professional guidance and support. Find a counselor to help you through this. -Kurt

My husband and I have only been married for a year. We started off on the wrong foot, calling each other horrible names and reacting to stress by being disrespectful and eventually ignoring each other. We just hit rock bottom and I asked for a divorce after we both said some of the lowest things a couple should never say. but our counselor suggested we hold off on divorce talk for a while and try things her way. Showing appreciation, even if it was just appreciating that he's still hanging in when things are bad, being mindful of my reactivity and being patient while he tries to wrap his head around things too have already begun to change the temperature of our relationship. And so far the return on my own efforts has popped up in some nice ways. I'm still waiting to see if he will be able to meet my needs in the marriage, The trust in the marriage is still shaky and we're still living apart for the time being, but only patience, praise, respect, hard work and God's grace will save us. I'm just working on pitching in my 50 per cent.

The best way to have a man begging you for love is....... Leave him, divorce him, ignore him, treat him bad. You will see how he appreciates what you are. Unfortunately men always appreciate what they HAD almost never what they have. Praise him? He already thinks he its too much for you. Why in the world would you give him more reasons to feel that way? Believe me, I tried everything possible to save my first 2 marriages, is not a one person's task. I left them and both of them are still single and had made it clear several times they still have hope of coming back to me even thou I'm finally happily married to my perfect match. Too late.

Amockgonezealous, Good job on making that effort. Glad to hear you see results. You're counselor is right to be patient. 
 
Viridiana, I disagree with your suggestions, but believe you're right that most of us, men and women too, often don't appreciate what we have. Glad to hear you're happily married now. -Kurt

my husband of 23yrs confessed that he cheated on me. young girl from his work place. he told me because he didn't want to lie to me. he said i don't deserved to be lied to. i was very heartbroken and sad. a month later he told me he broke-off with the girl and wants to save our marriage. i forgive him and still stay together for the sake of our two sons - age 11 & 12. recently he told me that he don't love me anymore. he spent more time at work even on off days and weekends. we hardly see each other or talk much now. i feel he is avoiding us. i'm confused. not sure where i stand or what am i?

I have been with my husband for nine year and have been married for three. We rarely have arguments and thought we had a great marriage. We entertain a lot and spend a lot of time with friends and I now think that may be part of the problem but we always share with them the story of how we met, how we have struggled together and come out the other side, our wedding etc... we sounded happy. Which is why I couldn’t believe it when he told me yesterday that he that was no longer in love with me. He told me he can’t imagine life without me but he had to tell me how he felt. We always said we would be truthful to each other but now I don’t know what to do and I didn’t see it coming. We agreed to try to fix things but it just hurts too much and I don’t know how to act around him. I am afraid to smuther him or to drive him away

yes ive been married 2 years we dated 2 years before he doesnt ever want sex he callls me names and threatens to hit me sometimes does and he said he could hit me without puting marks on me and sometimes views porno wtf i dont know what to do hes slipped up with crack spent my whole check got a motel alone suposivly skipped work 600 dollors worth crack

Lisa, Being confused is normal. Find a counselor to talk to and get some advice on what to do for you and your kids. -Kurt

Lyra, Smuthering him could be a concern because I hear that complaint from men. You may need help in learning how to love him in a new way. Start with trying the 5 points in the article above. -Kurt

Christina, You're in a physically abusive relationship and it needs to stop NOW. You need help in how to do this, so do a search online for a local women's abuse shelter and get some help. -Kurt

My husband love gambling. We've been married 12years. What should I do? I love him but he always make me no 2 in everything. Gambling is no 1. I want to leave him, but I still love him. I don't know what to do. Please, I need some advises

Me and my husband have been married of 22 years together 23. After i found him texting a coworker and questioned him, he said they were just friends but 3 wks later he told me he didnt love me anymore that he was in love with her and that i made him feel bad about himself and she didnt. He left home for 2 wks came home and left 2 wks later. Been gone for 3 1/2 months now. Hes been going to bars, calling women, lying like crazy, drinking like a fish and hasnt spoken to the kids the whole time hes been gone. His whole personality has changed. We believe he is going thru some sort of mid life crisis. Its crazy, he is acting like a person that we dont know anymore. Is it possible to get my marriage back. Because I know that he is going thru some crazy thing right now Im finding it very hard to let go. I still love him. How can I save my marriage and family when my husband is in the middle of a mid life crisis and wont listen to my or anyone else. We are so confused.

Jane, If he has a gambling addiction then you have a part in it. Learn how you can stop supporting it. There's not the space here to teach you how, so talk to s counselor experienced with addiction. -Kurt

Shelley, Give him some space but set some boundaries and limits around his behavior and what you'll accept in the meantime. -Kurt

It is hard to set boundaries when he doesnt live at home. He is free to do as he pleases because im not there to see it and when I ask, he lies. I know he does because sometimes i am able to check up on him, other times I cant. He has told me that he doesnt love me or want to be married to me anymore. I have seen many spouses leave their partner or cheat on them, but they are the same person as they were before. My husband has done a complete 180. I believe he is taking his midlife crisis out on me and I believe that he has to have some love for me deep in there somewhere. I am trying to give him space but it is very hard when I dont trust him anymore. But I dont want to lose him either. He has asked for a seperation agreement but I have been putting him off because it seems so final. It is the strangest thing, I have never been thru anythiing so bizarre in my whole life.

i got pregnant at the age of 17,and now i have a baby,me and my partner living together for 3yrs and now i can feel that hes not into me anymore,when i hug him he put my hands away,he dnt say i love u,he always goes out or stay late for work,when i ask hm if he still loves me he says yes,but yet i cant feel his sincerity,the way he looks at me as if hes looking at nothng..i am being a good mother to our son and being a good wife to him,but still he wont show even a little appreciation,im always prayng to god to give me more strength to stay in ths relationship,but now i feel that i cant hold on anylonger,i love him so much but whats the point ,he dont care at all.im tired of cryng every night,i tired of pushng myslf to him..any advce :(

my husband has cheated on me three times with different women and when i ask him he is always rude and abusive to me any time we have agurment he always calls me names what a normal boy friends and girl friends will not say to each other he hate my family all he ever do is talk about his families.we have three children together he his always on the internet when he see me coming close he change the scream he so rude I can even ask him who his on the phone with am confused and want to live him regardless of my children's love for him his family is not even helping matters

Rhian, None of us can make another person love us back. You both should consider the affect of your love-less relationship on your son. It's very damaging to his development to have parents be unloving to each other and for his mother to be crying every night. This should be motivation for you both to change this. -Kurt

Here is a stumper for you there... My husband just up and stopped talking to me, started being angry with me all the time. Stopped calling me or texting me from work and started staying gone for says at a time. Yep, affair. However, because I never believed my husband would do that to me, I didn't suspect it. I thought he was just going through some stress or internal stuff. Even though he would get mad and berate me and tell me to die and that he hated me whenever I asked him where he had been. 
Fast forward about 6 months from end of affair. He came crawling back when she no longer wanted him. We were supposed to "work things out." I cook dinner, he won't eat it and tells me everything that is wrong with it, to let him make it next time, its nasty. (yet everyone else eats it..) I make his lunch every day for work, lay out his clothes for him, make sure his keys and everything are ready... yet he never even tells me bye in the morning. I am not looking for loads of praise or thanks for doing things for him, just a kiss goodbye. I got him a nice card for our 10th anniversary, wrote a nice note inside (I didn't have money for anything else.) He not only didn't get me even a card, he read mine, and goes "thats a nice card." No hug, no kiss, no thanks. I wasn't looking for it, but its just an example. I have learned not to expect anything in return from our marriage. I write him little notes for him to find in the morning, telling him to have a good day, that I love him. That hasn't worked. I mow the grass for him and take out the trash for him, that doesn't work. I wait on him hand and foot, making his plate, pouring his drinks... no thanks, nothing in return emotionally. I tell him I love him, I come up behind him and hug him. I hold him at night. Nothing. I never get hugs or kisses in return. He's told me he doesn't love me, only likes me a little. We have 3 children, I don't work. I am trying to find a job... there seems to be nothing right now. I have nowhere else to go. If I vocalize any unhappiness in my marriage, I am told I can take the children and leave. It's "his house." It used to be OUR house, OUR money... but not since the affair. Now its HIS house, and HIS money. I have tried using praises on him like thanking him for working so hard to make money for us. It's very hard from going from feeling cherished, to feeling like a burden on him and society as a whole. He used to tell me how beautiful I was, how much he loved me... then this other woman came along. Now all he does is tell me how much he hates me and how fat and ugly I am. Makes fun of the way I dress. (Because I dress modestly, but have done so for years now...) When I cook, instead of how he used to say thanks and how good it is, he always tells me what is wrong with it, and refuses to eat it. 
So if you have some advice for this, I would love to hear it... because I am tired of being depressed and having low self esteem. Tired of my husband and his needs and wants coming before even the children. (He went and bought a brand new motorcycle without talking to me about it first, because its HIS money... and now our bills are tight, and I can't even hardly afford diapers on the budget. I am trying to find a job, which sometimes he is all for "get a job or get out" and sometimes he tells me I don't need one...)  
What should I do?

my husband is just like the rest of yours, we hardly say 2 words to each other every day, yesterday was our 20 year anniversary and he did not even kiss me, when i tried to kiss him he moved his lips for me to kiss his cheek...we only have sex at night when i am sleeping , he will hump all on me and wake me up out my sleep...we have 3 kids and i think we are not departed because of the kids...we dont even fuss anymore, we just do nothing...no love, no nothing...i still love him, and i try to make things work but nothing i do will work....

I have been married 3 years. We had a rough spot in the beginning but we kept moving forward. We have a 2 1/2 year old son now. I feel I have tried everything. I have seen 2 counslers. One of which I actually got him to go to a marriage counsler, the counsler said that he wanted to meet with my husband on a solo visit with just him, then that turned into 2 solo visits. Which my husband never went to the first one and we stopped going. My husband said can't you see the counling is ruining us. In which one of the sessions my husband admitted to the counsler that he was taking all the bad experiences with women in his past out on me. Hmm.. Anyway things have not gotten any better. I still tell him good job when ever I can when appropriate. I take care of our son fully. I make sure my husband has everything he needs and then some. I get nothing in return not signs of anything. He actually tries to avoide me in our house, I always here him leave a room as I am about to walk into it. I kiss him every morning and every night. I get no response from his lips. He purposfully gets angry at me for reasons that I can not understand. It is as if he makes a situation up in his head and then takes it out on me. I have recorded conversation between my husband and myself to take to a counsler to better learn how I can respond so that my husband doesn't get and attitude with me and give me the silent treatment as punishment. The counsler was a t a loss after some time meeting with him. I also have discussed with some other close female friends that they would tell me if I was doing soething wrong. I value others opinions so that I can better myself. They were also at a loss. What I am perceiving from my husband is that he doesn't love me, even dislikes me. He is only sticking around for his son. When I mention something about needing to discuss separation he will be nice to me for a week or so. Nice meaning he is actually looking at me or speaking words to me with out putting me down. We work together and I have coworkers asking me what is wrong with him all the time after they witness interaction between him and I over lunch. Nothing out of what would be appropriate for work, just his silence and lack of eye contact. I really don't know what to do. I have been playing along as if all is good to make sure I keep up my part by being nice and praising him, and kissing him, and initiating sex. I can count on 1 hand how many times he has initiated sex since we have been married. When we do have sex he does verbalize how good it is. So I am not sure what he won't start it. He is 18 years older than me and soemtimes I think his ego will not let him share his aging with me. I am pretty easy to get along with. If there is a prble there is a solution lets work through it. However, I can't do that when he refuses to be around me. He sleeps on teh counch every night and has for a very long time. What do I do my son adores my husband?

This article appears to have been written by an 8th grade boy. Or a man of questionable intelligence in the 1940's. So, I hope for the sake of humankind no woman would read this and actually feel bad about herself and take it to heart. This article is the opinion of a close-minded, bitter, lonesome, SINGLE, virgin, misogynist, physically unattractive guy. Probably a guy who has a very small penis, or erectile dysfunction, and wants to blame it on his wife. Get a life, dude.

Ladies, read the Peter Pan Syndrome by Dan Kiley. Sounds like most if not all of you are married to men that do not want to grow up. When you ask them to be responsible (in a nice way), they blame you, belittle you, withdraw etc. They are like spoiled little brats having a tantrum. They do not see anything beyond their own fickle wants and needs. They don't know what it means to be in a loving adult relationship. So why do we stay with these guys? Because of the few times where they do express love, it feels glorious. Because we know that they are hurting, and the nurturer in us wants to help them. Because we see their potential. Because we know that deep down he is a good guy. The problem is the more we give them more he'll take and the more defeated we'll feel. The more defeated we feel, the less attractie we are to him. Sucks righ?! He causes this negative reaction in us, but we have the power to say 'Oh hell no!' I'm a Goddess. I may not be perfect, but I have tried my best, and I am valuable, and I deserve love. I deserve a man that will listen to me and want to be there for me. You don't have to leave your husband, but you also don't have to put up with his ish. The way to get your confidence and power back is to believe and prepare to leave. You don't have to threaten him, or even tell him what you've got going on. Just allow yourself to feel empowered by giving yourself permission to think about leaving. You don't have to stop being kind to him. You don't have to stop modeling the kind of behavior you want in return, but you can stop taking his crap. 'Honey, where are my keys?!" You normally respond in a helpful loving way, stop what you're doing and help him look for them. That's what a mom would do. You are not his mother. You can respond in a way that is loving, but doesn't make you feel bad or embolden his disrespect. How about saying something like "I'm in the middle of something so I can't help you right now." Do not use sarcasm or an angry tone. Just put yourself first. He will live. 
 
 
 
I also recommend that you read Dan Kiley's book Living Together and Feeling alone, and the article entitled: Anger, Men, and Love. These resources are helping me tremendously and I hope they bring you some understanding and help put you on a path to self healing. 
 
Lastly, we all deserve to be loved in return. Never ever feel bad abotu wanting demonstrative love. You don't have to blame him, and you don't have to blame yourself for the problems in your relationship. Just be willing to try a new approach. Give yourself some milestones, some dead lines, and really start to think about you and the rest of your life. Imagine you had a little girl and she kept complaining about how her husband treats her. What advice would you give her?

Melisssa, You need to become less dependent on him. Your self esteem shouldn't be tied to his approval. Getting a job is a great way to begin to change this. -Kurt

Lisa, Great question for everyone to consider: "Imagine you had a little girl and she kept complaining about how her husband treats her. What advice would you give her?" Thanks for sharing. -Kurt

Well if it isn't the insite of a male who thinks he knows everything about women !! For one thing "Kurt"... men are sex addicted morons who think having sex will shut you up and take care of our needs in every shape and form. Because for men showing the love they think they need to show is by having sex with they partner, only when THEY want too... So by no not actually expressing anything that makes any sense to any of these women tells me that you know absolutely nothing about women...and btw "thanks for sharing".

Claudia, The men you describe may be 'your' man, but that doesn't describe 'all' men. The advice I give may be hard to do given how he treats you, but it is right. -Kurt

Just sitting here, reading all these posts, while I sit home alone on a Saturday night. My husband and his daughter, who is here for her scheduled w/e with her dad, left last night and haven't contacted me since...My husband and I have been married a little over a year; together for a little over 3. Within the year of being married, things have been awful. To put things into perspective, this is his 2nd marriage, but he's been divorced from the 1st wife for 19 yrs. He'll soon turn 49 and I've just turned 39. He is extremely childish and last night went as far as completely unplugging the tv and satellite box in our den all bc I sat down to watch tv and told him I was finished arguing with him for the evening, which seemed to make him even more mad to the point that he left. This all started bc I informed him that I wanted to get a motel room for the upcoming w/e for a trip he planned for us to his friend's house, in the next state over, rather than us sleep on the guy's couch. (We are adults and we are married. I'm not going out of town, away from my home, to sleep in my clothes on someone's couch for the w/e. Is getting a motel room too much to ask???) He said 'no', so I politely told him that I wasn't going or would make other plans for myself. He proceeded to throw up any fault of mine he could think of and even some that were made up and completely untrue. Now...this is not an uncommon thing for him...the leaving, the name calling, etc. In fact, it is almost becoming an every other day thing, absolutely every w/e. He picks a fight, leaves and heads to a friend's house and comes home to sleep in the recliner, or on most every occasion, in the car! The "sleeping in the car" thing has actually become funny to me, especially with him being 49-yrs-old.  
 
 
 
So...I'm a southern girl, born, raised, and living in S.C. and the same with him, other than the girl part. I was raised very old fashion. I do most all of the cooking, which includes his breakfast on weekdays at 5:45 am, and all of the housework, laundry, etc. However lately, when he decides not to come to bed, he doesn't get breakfast.  
 
 
 
It has now gotten to the point that I no longer feel married and our time together is only spent when he decides to come inside to sleep in our bed. I feel completely alone, and especially right now while my children are spending the summer with their dad in another state. We are currently renting our house from my parents, so it wouldn't make sense for me to leave, but I can't continue like this and he won't leave either. I don't feel like he's cheating bc I can always find him if needed, at a friend's, drinking beer. I want my marriage to work, if it's capable of being salvaged. However, I feel like it's too far gone bc he's possibly fallen out of love with me. I definitely need some insight on whether to give up or hang in there and try something new. There are times when he's the sweetest, most loving man ever, and tells me how much he loves and adores me, but those times are becoming few and far between.

My husband and I are very young, (21). We make little issues turn into big arguments. In our arguments he often tells me "Im stuck in this lease with a person like you" meaning he cant leave because he has to pay rent. He will also call me names like stupid bitch and that sort of thing when we are arguing. I want to leave I want to show him he doesnt have to be "stuck" with a person like me. And then he will realize how much he needs me because I really do so much for him that he does not appreciate. I want to leave, but I have no where to go.

My husband says he does not love me anymore, He says that he sees me just as a friend, We have 2 children im 26 and his 36, How can i help him fall back in love, He has currentky started working away and that when his feelings have all come to the surface that he does not miss me like he should or wann talk to me like he should, We were still having sex until recently he said he cant as he feels bad afterwards?? 
 

This isn't bad advice at all, if you aren't in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship...I think that's the point people are missing. Besides, this advice is good for men to follow as well, and, if you're searching this info online, you should probably be in marriage counseling too, anyway.

My husband and I have been together for a few years now and have a 15 month old son. I am a stay at home mom right now(not by choice). I tried working and going to school but he didn't like that because I was hardly ever home and when I was home I would be real busy with homework and housework and our son. I also think he didn't like to pick up the slack and cook dinners and clean up the kitchen sometimes. I left before him and came home after him. Eventually I had to drop out of school because all we did was argue. We moved across country to be closer to my family and he said he was excited about it. Turns out he hated it so he dragged us across country again away from all my friends and family. We started arguing a lot lately because he says I don't do my share in the relationship. But the thing is I don't ask him to do anything around the house. If he does do something its because I'm busy with something else or sleeping and I haven't gotten to it yet. He ran out of underwear the other day and yells at me that he always has to do the laundry. ONCE! I always do laundry on saturdays, I can't read his mind and know he's out of underwear. I burned my hand not too long ago and couldn't do the dishes and he was so sweet and did them without me having to ask. A couple days later we got in an arguement and he said he always has to do the dishes! I do them by hand every day without fail. Then when I'm trying to talk things out with him he says I'm crazy and turn things around and around in my head until things are how I want them! And when we argue he says the exact things he know will hurt me the most. We are poor and I'm sure this contributes because we don't have the money to go out and do things but since we have one car I don't get out at all. My 15 month old son and my husband are really the only people I get to talk to everyday. But for the past 6 months or so he won't give me the time of day. I try to talk to him and he doesn't pay any attention to me. He just plays his video games and watches tv. He stops to eat whatever I cook then goes right back to it. I have BEGGED him that we do something else but he won't. We only sleep together when I'm the one to initiate it. But sometimes he tells me hes too tired. I feel very very unloved. Everytime I bring it, even if I'm as calm as ever it turns into a big arguement. I don't want to argue anymore. I have resigned to playing with our son, knitting, reading or on the computer. Even though we are in the same room, we barely talk at all. I feel like I'm just sticking around because I don't want to take his son from him like his first wife. I don't know what to do..and I doomed to live this loveless life forever?

My husband of 6 yrs refuses to have sex with me and doesnt no why but lights up when he sees another woman claims he loves me but cannot maintain a conversation with me or even touch me he also embarrasses me when oter women are around by flirting and holding conversations and exing me out he shuts down on me but opens up to otha women im so confused

My husband and I have been married for 27 and a half years, have three children and he told me he loves me, but is not in love with me anymore. He does not know if he wants to continue the marriage, he just wants to be left alone. He is very angry and hurt because I was so busy taking care of the children, house, bills, laundry, meals and working a full time job outside the house, that I didn't make enough time for him. He was also working two jobs, so we could pay our bills and was always gone and when he was home, very tired. I feel like I was just doing what a good mom does, taking the best care of her family and I never meant to hurt him and always loved him. Now he won't talk to me, totally avoids me, and doesn't even want me to sleep in the same bed with him. He used to tell me good night, good morning, that he loved me, now he barely says hello and goodbye. He wants to be away from the house all the time, so that he has time to think and figure out his life. Every day is just like torture because he goes about his everyday business, trying to be normal to the kids, but I do not mean anything to him. How do I function in life with this happening? It is all I can do to put one foot in front of another and go to work every day, and try and do the things I have to do for everyday life. Is it fair that he can treat me this way, while he "figures out" what HE wants in life? Whether it is to divorce me or try again? He won't go to counseling to try and make things better, either with or without me.

Why listen to the author he is a man...

I've been married for 5 years, I got married when I was 18 & he was 20. Things have been hard we have both cheated but he was now saying he needs to "find himself" & in a week we will rent a truck and pack up all my stuff I'll move back to N.C (we are now living in FL) Only I will be moving. He says we have both did too much to each other to forgive right now. & maybe in a year or so we could see if things are better. I lost my mom when I was 18 and my dad turn to drugs. I have no car or job, hes in the navy and he said he would send me 600 a month. I'm hurt but acting like this is fine. while he is sleeping in the living room i'm crying myself to sleep so I can act like I'm ok with this.When he is around he kisses me. Telling me he loves me. I don't know how to handle this I have onone to talk to about this? I don't won't to leave my home.. I have nowhere to go. I cry then get angry HELP PLEASE

My husband of 27 years...well, he's all about the kids. We recently adopted our neice and nephew that we've had custody of since they were babies, now 4 and 5 years old. I work full time, 12 hour days, and he is a carpenter. I've suggested date night, we've gone to marriage counseling (which works for a few weeks and then he starts making excuses about not being able to go), and we have done couples groups at church. I am tired of being the only one in this relationship to try to fix things. We have not had sex in 18 months, and before that it was a year. The sad part about that is I don't even really care anymore. He usually kisses me goodbye and hello (not goodnight because he sleeps with one of the kids!). The last counselor we saw said we have "lost our momentum". I make suggestions about household rules that he agrees with and then doesn't enforce. It's like his world revolves around the kids, and he wants to be their friend, not a Parent. I feel lonely and angry...and alone. I have said that sometimes it seems like he would be happier if I wasn't even here.

i have been in a 3 year relationship with my partner i have 3 children to a previous relationship,a 8mnth old to him and am 7mnths pregnant with our 2nd child,we had the best relationship ever, communication and all.he dont drink or smoke just works so every tuesday night was his night out with the boys pllaying in pool comps. just 2mnths ago he cheated i found out through a txt on his fone.i was so hurt and felt used but he said he loved me and would never do it again.... that it was his 1st mistake to give him another chance to prove his love....a month later i find a number on his fone saved to a guys name buh the rung the number and bingo, another woman he had been txtin during the day and had deleted all txts and told her not to txt after a certain time because i was jelous...what do i do give him yet another chance and hurt like hell while doing it or let him go,i know it was only txtin buh that leads to cheating again plz help

the above comment is mine...if it dont make sense its becaujse im crying and typing and i kant think.is it worth trying.forgiving. he kisses and comforts me , tels me he loves me,when hes with me i feel safe and loved but wen he away i think he txtikn someone or even sleeping around, im so lost right now,dos he really still love me??? 
 

I've been engaged to my man for just 7months with a baby but he keeps cheating on me with different ladies more than 5 just within some few months he doesn't hide it he keeps showing me disrespect irrespective of who is around,he's been cheatn since de day i realised i was carrying his seed he bulleys me abuses me nd so on his mum doesn like me due to de fact dat i complained about his attitude to his mum nd now he even told me he is a happy man who am not around him nd dat he doesn't luv me anylonger, don't remember de very last time he gave me a common kiss or a hug let to talk of sex am only 24 nd i feel so lonely nd rejected by de man i initialy thought was soo much in luv with me. I sometimes feel like i must break up with him cos I've lost my beauty nd dignity im more dat happy go luck girl i use to be nd with my baby wat do i do im jobless aswel.

Jacqueline, First, you have just as much say as he does about your moving. So if you don't want to go, don't. Second, you need to start to take a longer term view of this and begin to take better care of yourself. Start by finding ways to be less dependent upon him (find a job, go back to school, etc.). Third, get some professional support. Search online for low cost counseling in your area. Since he's in the Navy, you should have counseling options available to you. -Kurt

I have been married for almost 12 years...I was a good wife,and he has made some changes over the years but doesn't stick to them...I am done being the good wife...I take care of myself now, told him when he is ready to "let me in and treat me the way i deserve" let me know. You can not change anyone only yourself.Stop making yourself crazy on why or what did I do wrong. If he wants to get off his butt and out of his comfy spot to get our walking papers then thats fine-till then I do what I want and need to keep myself happy and healthy-and he can kiss my butt...do not praise him because he will not return it.He should be praising you.Take your power back.:)

Your advice says is one way. He stopped doing those things for me as well.

hi my husband and i are 2 yrs married and we have a baby boy 1yr old.. we lived in malaysia ..we had very bad misunderstandin and he sent me back to india 9months pregnant while i begd for forgivness ... i still don kno what was the mistake i did... but den my baby was born n he neve came to see him.. after my baby was 6months old i askd for divorce n he said ok but then when my son was 11months old he came back wit lots of love n life was gud for a week but den wen muy dad up me down in front of him now his actions are differing... he's headin back to wat he was... he love sex more den me he says.. he sends no time wit me or the kid... plz suggest..

we have bien married for almost 1 year my husband he dosent tell me that he loves me or kisses me we have 2 kids 3 year old 6 months old like i check has facebook sometimes and he talks to others girls he tells them that he loves them then if i ask him why he tells them that he loves he said he is just playing with him he wants me to lose weight im only 224 lbs

My husband and I was been married for 1 1/2 years toward for 2 1/2 years. He's 45 years old, he was married when he was younger. Throughout the years, he's been in a out of relationships. I have three children who have joint custody with my ex. A week ago, my drunk husband told me he doesn't love me and wants out. Later, he's crying and said he went to far. He doesn't want me to leave. Tells me over and over he loves me. Later in the week, I found out from a friend that he was texting another friend (girl) that he doesn't love me. But he keeps on saying he loves me. He's says he doesn't know who is or what he wants. I love my husband and my life. I've been fighting for it everyday.

my husband and i have been married for 22yrs, as usual ive struggled with my running around trying not to let him ruin our family name with other ladies as we are well known 
he loves to chat with them and if he can get closer he will but ive always stopped him. but know im 43 and his 51 and im tired of all this crap and cant handle it anymore even though he has controlled himself but i dont realy care anymore what i care about now is my kids have grown and my daughter is engaged to a good man and want our family name to stay clean , i will do anything for my kids, even if i have to live with a kind of perving husband but why cant he perv on me , thats my question why not me , i know im a good person , i have great friends and am great with both of our familes , but im not going to let him put me down no more ,i wont leave him coz i need him for the kids and reputation and money . so ladies like kurt says just praise him but only infront of others so u still have ur family together. i feel bueatiful wether he says it or not , i am lovable wether he says it or not and he is still in my house under my roof and in my bed wether he likes it or not, im enjoying my life with the kids and enjoying it . wether he likes it or not.

We have been married since 2008. IT is 2012 currently. I am 26 years old and i cant remember the last time we had sex. Or the last time he made me orgasm. He has no friends, and is not a fan of me having friends over. He works day shift and i work night shift. The small amount of time we can spend together i try to make the best of. He doesn't want to have sex, and when we do. . . WEll it SUCKS~! I want to cry afterwards b/c this is how sex is going to be the rest of my life. I am Tired of finishing myself off, and starting myself up. I want to go back to being the independent women with a life and friends that i used to be. He refuses to cuddle me hold me or anything loving like that. Im married, miserable, lonely & i have too much respect for myself to just go cheat on him. we have no financial problems, we get along ok on a daily basis. I cant go on like this forever. My endless efforts to make him smile, and make him happy are futile at best. We are young attractive & smart people. . . i just dont get it. I have even considered the fact that he might be GAY for all i know?!?!

Do you have any advice if your spouse has autism? My husband is different than a typical guy. I went into this relationship knowing and accepting this fact. Some of his actions can be cold, but I have learned that it is just "him" He has his moments, and then he's fine. A few weeks ago my husband tells me he was leaving and isn't in love with me anymore. Oh the pain, it was the worst feeling. I of course begged and pleaded, offered to do anything. He did agree to stay. But then found out he had been talking to another woman. And after spying I located her facebook. This woman is everything my husband hates. I can not for the life of me comprehend why he wanted her. Everything that annoys him about someone, is all her. I had to be careful how I approached this since I was afraid I would just chase him straight into her skanky arms. He agreed to stop talking to her, but he didn't seem sorry. He never told me he was sorry. I have turned into his slave, waiting on him hand and foot and being the best submissive wife I can be. He wants me to lose weight, so I started walking and eating 700 calories a day. The new me actually seems to be making him happy. But our sex life has changed. He use to want me, give me those cute little hints that he's wanting sex. But since this occurred I have been the one to initiate sex everytime. And have been turned down. He has never turned me down before. I don't know if he is still with this other woman, I'd rather not know. But I just want to be happy.... Happy with my husband.

Look ladies bottom line up front....either stay or leave...I have been in a horrible marriage where I was degraded to the point I could not love myself ...I thought I could not leave him because I did not have a job and we had 3 kids 11 months apart...When I finally left I was worried that I could not make it but I did cause it gets better with time....I was happier alone then with a man that cheated on me ....now I am married to a man another man that is not abusive but he cheats and does not really help money wise but we get along great....I fix that problem by getting me some business of my own..WHAT IS OLD TO HIM IS ALWAYS NEW TO SOMEONE ELSE....be a man ladies this guy say some woman comes along giving your man praise that you use to.. well...get out and find the man that is going to give you the praise and attention he use too.....with you not worrying about your husband all the time cause you done got you some busy....that alone will change your marriage ....he will notice you dont care and be curious than you will get attention....or he will not notice cause he is dumb but your friendship will increase which will lead to sex...and on the plus side if the other man turns out to be better you can always leave him for something new...WIN WIN!!!!

Hi, 
 
Me and my husband are married since 9 years. I manage his business and his house. we have 2 daughters. One daughter just born. He told me when I was 8 months preg. with my second daughter that he doesnt love anyone anymore. He has no feelings. Funny thing is since i was 8 month preg. I felt that not only he has no love, he doesn't care.. doens't even look at me like a human to help a pregnant lady. wont' help me pick up heavy things.. won't help me to bring groceries in.. or not even help me change light bulbs and things that are so.. high. Either way, I still love him a lot. It has been 4 months now.. he still keeps telling me that "I love the kids now.. but I have no feelings for u still. I don't know what to do. I dno't know if or when I am going to get it" 
 
I am really tired of feeling this way. I love him a lot and I don't want this relationship to end. I want to be with him when I grow old. I have worked and helped hiim A LOT since he started his business. I have done everything at home. He doesn't help at home at all. He needs everythign ready for him at home. He doesn't mind to pay for getting help but he will not do anything himself. He hurts me a lot..emotionally. I hate gonig through these days. AGAIN, I love him a lot but him not loving me breaks me. He likes to go out with his friends. He likes to spend time with kids. but when it comes to me, he doesn't show any LOVE or CARE. What do I do?? What should I do? I am so.. confused. I don't know where to go from here? how long should I wait? He won't go to any counseling..

i so appreciate sites like this, helps me feel less alone. i am sorry for everyones heartache, and want to share what im doing about my own. my partner and i have been together for a significant amount of time, much closeness...or so i thought. in the beginning he was the most amazing man id ever met, everything i ever wanted. i used to cry because i couldnt believe how lucky i was. i adored him, respected him, cherished him and loved him with all my heart. that, i believe was my biggest mistake. i wanted this kind of relationship so badly, i dove in heart first....i not for one second believed he would EVER hurt me, he understood, we connected, similar backgrounds, experiences, we were friends first....wow did my world come crashing down. ive never believed that loving should be a game, i dont do the hide n; seek, the run n; chase, or anything else suggested like that. i believe if two people love each other there are no guards, no walls. no limits, just go with it.during our initial honeymoon i started to notice "little things" he didnt call as much, not as many sweet gestures,he did less and less to put into our relationship while i did more and more to try and fix it. it seemed the more patient and more tolerant i became, the worse he got. my mistake? i should have ran! i tried and tried to talk to him, work it out with him, the more i tried, the worse he became. i should have ran, but i kept going back. he became a man that ignored me and my feelings, helped everyone else BUT me/us. id cry and cry, hed leave. if i was sick sore or tired, he did nothing to help me, it became as though i didnt even exist to him. everything and everyone was always more important. everything he did, everywhere he went, was to suit himself. nothing i did or said had any impact or significance. again i should have ran. i spent all my money on putting into our relationship, while he bought everything to please himself only. all the while i became so depressed and down on myself for failing, he continued to blame everything on me....and i started to believe it. but i kept asking myself, how could this be true? how could he do this to me? to us? id go to bed alone and sad, started cutting myself off from everything and everyone, depression...while he seemingly glided through life like nothing was wrong. he never did anything for me, left me in tears often, and always acted like it was ME with the issues. he treated me like a doormat, a soundboard for his daily stress, a convenience. i got nothing in return. i tried a few times to leave him, but ended up back, things would be good for awhile, then right back to garbage. it still hurts very much, as our latest seperation is still fresh. but i am still angry and it gets me through my days. i know in time my anger will ease as i see clearer each day what went wrong. i have to remind myself that just because everyone in this mans world adores him and thinks hes this great guy, doesnt mean that theyve lived with him and know him like i do. i have to keep telling myself that appearances arent everything. i have to remind myself that no other woman is lucky to have him, as he will never change. i have to keep in mind that i did everything i could to keep us going, and that us falling apart was not entirely my fault as hed like me to believe. im slowly learning as i pull myself out of this depression what my mistakes were.....i didnt listen to my intuition, i should have ran, fast and furious lol. the VERY MINUTE i started feeling invisible, i should have bolted and never looked back....i didnt do these things, but i did alot for love, and i dont hate myself for that. i try not to think that maybe he misses me or maybe he will, cause maybe he doesnt and maybe he wont. and it is him that misses out....i am working toward forgiving myself and forgiving him. but i cant stress enough how important it is, as others have posted....to TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST.

I'm in the living room at 7am all to myself while my husband is in the bedroom. I came out here to clear my head and shed some tears as i couldn't hold them back anymore. I've been married for almost 2yrs now and i can assure you that i have never cried this much in my premarital life as i have within the last 2yrs of marriage. My husband started regretting our marriage about two months into it and up till now, its gone from bad to worse. We got married after 1yr of courtship. He complains about EVERYTHING, at this point i am not sure i can ever satisfy him. Sometimes it feels like he is comparing with another woman, maybe a "dream girl", his ex or something. He complains about my cooking, my dressing, my hair...EVERYTHING! Don't get me wrong, i am gorgeous and this was the main attraction when we were dating. Every guy seems to find me attractive, my friends and family love my cooking, everyone says i've got a good heart, im friendly and amiable. How come my husband is the only man on this planet who doesnt see or think these things? I have been the best wife i can be. Prayed, read the bible, tried serving him diligently, i've been honest in all my doings, been faithful to the last letter....can someone tell me what i am doing wrong or not doing right? He doesnt kiss me anymore, i mean literally i cant remember the last time we had a 10 seconds kiss. I have resulted to brushing my teeth three times a day thinking it is bad breath. I chew on mint in between to have lasting fresh breath all day...still it doesnt work. We dont make love anymore, only have sex about once or at most twice a week, he doesnt even kiss me while we are at it. That makes me feel cheap and like he is taking advantage of me. He doesnt respond to my emotional needs, i always tell him how i feel but most times he defends himself by saying i am too petty and emotional and that "such things shouldnt be a problem". He makes me feel like i am too petty to think about these things let alone bring them up. Recently i discovered he has been cheating on me. I read a couple of love messages from the lady to him and he replied same. He even admitted to her that he "isn't happy in his marriage". I confronted him and he gave me a weak apology. I call it weak because it wasn't heartfelt. Almost as if he wasn't sorry, he only said sorry for the sake of peace not repentance. Since then whenever i bring it up, it ends in either an argument or him walking out on me. I feel as if he is only staying in this marriage out of responsibility. He claims he loves me but i dont feel it. He may be but i am sure he isnt "in love with me". Yesterday at work, he sent me a message on my phone saying that he is willing to change and that he knows he hasnt been the best husband to me. I told him i needed a heartfelt apology and true repentance because all i get are words with no action. This isnt the 1st time he will ask for a second chance. I thought if he still had any dignity or remorse left in him, he will give at least give me that apology i have asked for when he returned from work but how wrong i was. He got home being so cocky and arrogant saying he has "tried his best" and i was proving difficult because i was seeking a face to face and honest apology. In a nutshell, he never apologized. Honestly i am so fed up and running out of ideas on how to make this work. I have thought about the "D" word so many times but i am from a strong christian background and just cannot bring my head around that. We have no children yet, i suffered two miscarriages within our 2yrs of marriage. I love this man but each day i feel emotionally drained, unloved, unattended to, i feel lost. I have lost my self-confidence as a woman, my self-esteem. I look in the mirror and see a shadow, not the charming, vibrant lady which i used to be. I can't suggest counseling cos i know he would object. He is too arrogant to admit to someone else that there's a problem. I feel trapped and i cant help but feel i made the biggest mistake of my life by dating him how much more marrying him. Right now, i am trying to develop and concentrate on myself. I am presently on a Masters Degree and aiming to get a well paid and fulfilling job and just LIVE my life. I have put so many things on hold because of him cos i thought love is about putting the other person before you but now i just don't care anymore but that doesn't still deny the fact that i am still unhappy and my marriage is in crisis.

My husband doesnt even look at me, the only time he is happy is when he goes to work( he is in the military) , comes home talking about work, and when he talks to his daughter. Dec 3 marks our 2 year anniversarry. Tonight he told me that he wants to get a divorce, I cried my eyes out. He was so emotionless, I feel like I've done everything to please him.

I have been married 26 years and together for 29. For the past 6 years have slept on the couch . He says he loves me he kisses me the odd time but never holds me or spends time with me. We do everything separate although I try so hard to do things together. He excludes himself from family things. I'm so tired of being alone and feel trapped unloved. I don't know where to go or how to. There's no self esteem left as he constantly makes me feel like I'm losing my mind or wrong in everything I say. I'm a lost soul right now.

i am happy to know this site

pls,my name is shilt,i have been married for 8yrs now and i have two kids,my husband used to love me but for now,he does not have my time,he hangs out with friends and girlfriends every day and spends more outside than in the house,i can't even remember when he last gave me money for my needs,he does not even like to take me out,i feel as if he does not want me any more,he even make love to me only when he feels as to,he does not care about my feeling,pls,i need his love and care again,what can i do?

pls,my name is shilt,i have been married for 8yrs now and i have two kids,my husband used to love me but for now,he does not have my time,he hangs out with friends and girlfriends every day and spends more outside than in the house,i can't even remember when he last gave me money for my needs,he does not even like to take me out,i feel as if he does not want me any more,he even make love to me only when he feels as to,he does not care about my feeling,pls,i need his love and care again,what can i do?  
Posted @ Tuesday, November 20, 2012 8:57 AM by shilt

It is so nice to read everybodys storys an to know that I am not the only one going throug this emosianal stage in a marrige, we are married for 16 years been devorced and got married again (to each other) but this time things have realy gone to far we were so happy did have our fair fights that any marrige would have but never stayd cross for long. I am also 1 of those woman that do everything for her husband, lay out his clothes, pack him lunch, kleen cook and spend time with him, but lately I don't seem to do anything right. The house is not cleen enough the food is not good I'm to fat every thing I say or do he will find something wrong with. I have always done everyting for him and everything must go his way me and the kids is always ready to please him. He has lowered my selfesteem so bad lately that I beleve I am useless and ugly I don't want to cook or kleen just be in my own corner. Things has gone so far he has been sleeping in a seprate bed now for 3 weeks. I am always the one to apoligise and be nice again but now I'm tired of being that one! He will never go for counsling beacause he. Beleves his not te wrong one. What must I do he told me last night that I must make a list of things I want in the house???? Must I leave or stay??? I feel so alone!!

I have been married 44 years. After the kids all moved back home everything went south. Our finances, our health, our homelife, and our relationship. I believe stess to be the culprit, but I believe when there are problems, couples should "pull together" and give each other strength. Instead we have drifted apart. We are still very youthful, and I hate to waste precious time feeling isolated and depressed. Only sex brings us together "temporarily", and only then does he have anything "nice" to say. Most of the time he says nothing. We really need to resolve some issues. I think only then will things get "back on track". Talking helps, but my husband isn't a talker. We're at an impasse, and the kids are comfortable and in no hurry to leave and give our lives back. We're at a loss. Things can always be worse, but then again they can be better too.  

My husband and i have been married for 4 years, together for six. When we got married i was comin out of an abusive home so he was my escape. I felt like he helped me grow. About a year ago after the birth of our daughter the post partum depression had me ver confused. I had been disappointed with him since before that. He has no passion for life and doesnt care about doing things together. It drove me to cheat with an older man at work. Ever since then i feel like he blames me for our marital problems. He spends more time playing video games than with me. He is very selfish and wants me to be faithful but will not have sex with me or hug or kiss me without being asked. We are going through the motions but we are not in love anymore. I dont want to hurt my daughter by getting a divorce, but i need a new life. There is too much fun in the world to be had, all the while we are living with his mom, while he is jobless. I just want to disappear.

I am so sick and tired of the advice being given to women whose husbands shut THEM down. Why should the woman try any harder than she's been trying if he's not gonna try at all? What is this shower him with praise crap? Praise should be earned. Men are obsessed with touching themselves to internet porn. Men, if you let them, can suck up all the air in the room so a woman can't breathe. LEAVE THESE GUYS!!! He's already left you in his heart or he'd be asking you what the problem is. He'd be concerned and coming to you to try to find a solution to your problems. HE DOESN'T CARE! WAKE UP!!!

My in laws behavior with me was not good.Even that they kept me in their house as i was their servent. Their daughters also live with them and me and my elder sister in law had to do all household chores.And my mother in law and father in law did not gave me a permission to go out and work anywhere.But i was well educated.they even gave mentally torture me and my parents who are in India.two months before because of some reasons i called the police,picked up my stuff and left my home.Me and my husband still love each other.We always talk to each other on phone.I want to live with him and he too wants to live with me.The problem is that he has no guts and he can't say to his parents that we want to live together and his parents already said him that if he will leave a house he can't come back even when they(his parents)will die.But my husband is my life.I will die without him.I m living with someone knowing me.But i can't stay with them forever.I am alone in this country.please help me to solve out this problem.I am in so much stress this time.I don't want to lose my husband.Please do something.I want him back within a weak.I will be very thankful to you.

Navjot, You and your husband have the same problem - falsely believing you can't live without someone else (you of your husband) or if someone else rejects you (him of his parents). Until you both chose to live for yourself rather than for someone else, nothing is going to change. -Kurt

Me and my husband are going on 6 years of marriage. It has certainly been hell more than I can even begin to explain. There is name calling, used to be physical, and now we have two kids. I have cheated on him and he took me back, but now he says that i need to make all the effort because I am the one that hurt him. I always accuse huim of cheating on me and when he works 17 hour days I accuse him non stop and blow his phone up. I have bad depression and Grave's disease, and I am as insecure about how I look as a person could get. he says he loves me more than anything and doesn't want anyone else, but I just don't know how ot trust him :-( I want my marriage to work and I want him to be in love with me again but I just am afraid of losing him or finding out that he is cheating on me to get me back. I know it sounds childish and I know I messed up, but I really want to save my marriage and make things work. Any tips?

Any tips on how to find a free counselor? I've been a stay at home mom for the last 5 years. I have no idea how I'm going to raise three kids by myself let alone pay for a counselor.

Cara, Do a Google search for "free" or "low cost" counseling in your area. -Kurt

I find your advice condescending, woman-blaming and weak. Each person in the couple should review her or his behaviour accordingly, surely. Why have you put all responsibility on the woman's shoulders, especially when she is not responsible for how her husband responds to her behaviour? I particularly find your comments on why husbands stray archaic and provincial.

I've been married two years now and our relationship just don't feel like a marriage. He tells me he loves me but he stays out all night, hides his cell and tells me I am the one cheating. I feel lonely and feel like we are roommates we have sex about twice a month and its not long. What should I do?

I recently got married (4 1/2 mth) and then i found out that I'm pregnant with our first born and since then my husband has been treating me like I'm just a stranger or casual friend. He recently came out and told me that he doesn't love me anymore and he doesn't knw why. I feel devastated and I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid and it's hard to tell anyone what's going on with me. It's so embarrassing.

I need a counsellor, I need myself back.....

Sam, Talk to a professional counselor to learn how to change your marriage. -Kurt

Kurt, what a ridiculous article followed up with assinine advice! Read these women's stories carefully. They have given their all, they have lost themselves, they are feeling miserable and wretched at the hands of their husbands and partners. Shame on you for suggesting all their problems will go away if they would only praise their man! Have you let go of your mother's skirt yet?

I have been married for 5 years, my parents and friends didnt want me to get marry to him cuz he doesnt have a diploma. and now I feel that he has no more love to give me, he only wants sex. I feel like I regret why i didnt listen to my parents.I need love that's all I want, when I ask him that I need love, his answer is what do you mean by love? what you want me to do?. I am unhappy. when he sleeps beside me I feel missing him.

i'm writing this hoping someone could help me. this is going to sound too long therefore i apologize at the very beginning for the same.  
 
my husband and i met as friends (in 2006)and remained the same for some years. when i met him i was actually engaged to someone else (i know him from my pre-school)and he was single(my husband as my friend). later he to found some one to love and we both were ok with it as we actually considered ourselves to be as best friends. we hardly met but we always used to talk over the phone for hours and hours and he was really a good friend to me. 
 
later we called off our friendship as the girl whom he was dating did not like it and me being another girl i totally understood her situation even though i was really heartbroken as a good friend to loose him. later i got to know that he had relocated to the middle east for employment purposes and that he had broken up with the girl whom he was dating. she had actually cheated on him(i knew who she was from the very beginning but never wanted to warn my friend as he could have thought that im lieing and actually trying to break off them) while i know he too cheated on her too. but i know one thing for sure, he really begged for her, he really tried so much with her too! 
 
later the guy whom i was engaged to cheated me big time with money and other woman so i called it off legally. (both the above mentioned and this happened simultaneously - sort of but my self and my best friend was hardly ever in contact)then after sometime this guy who was ones my best friend came along out of the blue and asked me out (in 2010). i wasn't quite sure what to do as the man whom i've known for my entire life had cheated on me and on top of everything he is a muslim and im a buddhist. and where we come from religion does matter "BIG TIME"! i told him that after he had left i had missed him dearly and cried so much thinking of him then he promised that he would never ever make me cry and he would take care of me like a jewel. then i told him what happened with my previous relationship how he had cheated me and i sincerely requested him not to do any such thing to me as it would be really unbearable. 
 
By this time i also had two offers in my hand by two air line companies which one in my own country and one from where he is currently located. i have worked so hard to get this job for many years,had traveled to so many places, and when i finally had the flying job in my hand i had an option between my love and my dream job. the flying job back home offered high benefits with a good package and on top of everything i got to spend time with my mom while the ground job in the middle east had lower pay and low benefits but it actually made me be close to the man i love. 
 
he said since he is also there to take up the ground job and for all the love and trust i kept on him i never hesitated twice in doing so no matter how hard i have worked on getting the flying hostess job.  
 
as i moved in to the middle east, we did not live together but sure did had sex. and it was great. sometimes it was 3-4 times a day. and it felt amazing. i trusted him so much and i always treated him as my husband. things were going on quite well between us and all of a sudden he decided that he needs to leave me and we need a break. then he tells me stories on how good i am, how better i deserve and how i could enjoy my life better with another man. bottom line he needed to stop the relationship. the reason he gave me was that one of his friends back home had checked his stars for him(horoscope - this was my idea at the very`st place actually)and it said that he would die young.therefore when that happens as we are from two religions and as im not willing to convert too(nor i ever had told him to come in to my religion) i will be left all alone and he does not like that happening to me. i tried so hard to protect the relationship, there had been many times i have cried on my knees asking him not to leave me, totally begging for him and his love and each time he just did not care. sometimes there had been days which he took me to his apartment and we had sex. even though my mind told me many times he is just using me my heart never wanted to accept and see it as the truth. i told to my self "if this is the only way he desires me,fine then i'd be there atleast to satisfy his needs like that", for it was really hard for me to actually spend one day without even seeing him. while all this was happening i became terribly sick with a stomach ache and continues diarrhea for months with vomiting sometimes. ran after many doctors all of them could not really find a solution but would give me tons and tons of medicine. most of the days i was down with fever and the only thing i was concerned and scared was weather or not he would leave me. i could not really find where i went wrong coz i really loved him truly and not even in my dreams i had wished for another man. i would do almost anything he asks me to do. i cook for him even though i dont live together with him. put them in boxes, take him to the beach, sit with him and feed him. when nothing seem to go right i called his parents and told them that we are dating and we had sex. they did not care as im not from their religion and the mother actually cursed me and swore that she will never let her son get married to me. then i spoke to his dad and here he says that they have already found a girl for him with his approval and they are getting ready for the marriage. i was in total shock i did not know what to do. i told his dad of all what i told his mom and finally i said "uncle, you too got a daughter of ur own, please think weather you'd like to see the same thing happening to her". knowing all this, i still longed for him i still loved him like before. many days i have just sat there in my room and cried cried cried trying to find out as to why he did this to me. 
 
my sicknesses got worse and my employer terminated me and i had to go back home. there had been times which he had asked me to get married to another man but have a secret relationship with him. it really hit me so i asked him in return, "What if you were that man, that i'm married to? would you like to be cheated like that? and so may other pointless stories, so much hurt and pain within me but i still continued to love this man only more. often i asked my self what is so special about him but i was clueless. he cried the night i left the airport. but i really have no clue weather he needs me really or not.  
 
after i returned home, my sickness went away just like that, even without medicine and my grandparents had looked for a proposal for me from london, a very kind and rich guy but a bit elder to me. he is also related to me.but i said no coz i knew in my head and heart i really had one man. and not even in my dreams i could step in to bed with another man but the man i love.sometimes later he(the proposal) came down and they(my grandmom and his family) pushed me to give it a try. i did try to talk with the new man, but i failed so i told off his mom in a really nice way that i am actually having someone else in my mind. she is a nice and kind lady and i could not at all cheat her or her family.she cried that day and it hurt me so bad coz i like her like i like my mom and it tore me inside. 
 
my mom by then knew all about the relationship i had with this man but non of them ever knew the problems i had nor that we are not in contacts like the old days. as time passed by things got a bit better and the relationship was back on track. he came down from the M.E. for his annual vacation and we registered our marriage. my mom knew about it but not his parents. i was 22 when i got married and he was 27.(2011) 
 
as we went on in our honeymoon i really could not spend it like we used to and i know i could not satisfy him as he wanted me to. the point that we are married and what mess his parents and family could create next bothered me big time and it actually started me to have my periods in the middle of the honeymoon(out of the normal dates.) and 50%of the honeymoon was wasted and for the rest i hardly had sexual feelings in me.  
 
by then i was working as an executive secretary in a very good company with a very good package, but he said that he needs me back in where he is and now that we are married we could live together. he left back to M.E. and i went home and on Jan 1st 2012, i got to know that he has actually been dating another woman at my back for all that time while i was with him in the M.E and he never told me about this. this was actually the girl which the parents had proposed to her. in the beginning he refused to accept it but later did and told me that he lied to me because he did not wanted to loose me or hurt me.  
 
i felt the history repeating in front of my eyes and i was left in the same place where i was once, in my past.all alone! i had no one to tell so i ate up my sorrow all by my self.  
 
i left to M.E. again as his wife and we started living together. so many times his family created a lot of problems between us but he was never bothered in opening up his mouth against them. and there was this one time he accused me of sleeping with the men working on the top floor while he was out at office which is a total lie. crossed my limits and i tore all the cards i had given to him so far and destroyed all the other things i had given to him. he hit me and held me with the neck and then i dont know y he hit the glass cupboard next to him and cut his hand terribly. blood was all over the kitchen but i really did not care for i had reached my limits with him. later he asked for help and to see the wound it was a huge cut with some other minor cuts on his right hand and he needed a doctor but we cannot go to one as this is self harm and we feared that he might need a police report. so i home treated him, i fed him, bath him, dressed him and did everything to him till his hand had recovered and he hit back to work. i felt as if it was not "happening" between us any more. sex was just 2-3 a week. but he actually had realized certain things and started treating me with more care and respect.  
 
where his parents and siblings are concerned, they never calls him or the least send him a message on facebook (which is free) to check weather he is doing alright. they only drop calls him. and then he calls them back. it is quite expensive to call them from here but he does not mind. assuming they need something from him then they are right behind him like cats begging for food. once they have got what they wanted they again go to their numb modes. but when ever they calls they only poison his head and most often there is a fight.  
 
i do not know weather im an un-attractive person but i think im ok as a woman coz i have seen men staring at me manytimes, even the arabs with the thobe. but i deff knew that my man did not see the same what they saw in me. i do not wear the abaya and i must say my man does give me the freadom to wear what i need up to some extend even though he is a muslim. and where his rituals are concerned, i always support him and vise-versa.  
 
time went by and my duration of visa was coming to and end and i went back home. by then the problems between us came up again. by then things were so worse that we actually decided to go for a divorce.  
 
i called up his dad to say that we are married and he is trying to convert me and showing me the plight of his religion. he is telling me that he cannot accept me as a daughter in law as its a shame for them so there for i must convert. he also claims that our marriage is not valid and indirectly calling me a prostitute. we exchanged quite a few number of phone calls and when they saw that i am not willing to convert they actually used his sister to call me and the same thing happened. i am a person who loves my freedom and im not willing to sacrifice the only thing i have in me for this marriage. later i got to know on how his parents and siblings had lied to him and told him stories of what i never even intended to tell and there for to stop any more damage to my marriage i asked my husband not to talk to them. he refused and therefore i told his parents and siblings, they too refuse and tell me that they have no business with me. all what they are concerned is the brother.(my husband)when all this was happening i was really offended and even when his younger brother was insulting me and scolding me my husband never took any measurement to stop or to prevent it. instead he was in their side leaving me all alone and he told me to back off i mean nothing to him and that his parents and sibling are his own blood. so many heart breaking things took place and i suffered to my maximum. when we were in two different countries the time difference in 2.5 hours where im in front and i never have my meals without him. eventhough he is not with me i wait till he comes home and we have the meals together and talks to him over the phone till he falls asleep. often he had treated me really bad and always talks of the money he had spent on me, he calls the honeymoon a total waste of money. he always seem to talk of all the money he had spent on me and how he could have got the service of another woman if he had the same money. he never talks about all the chances i have missed in many countries for this marriage or any other sacrifice i have made for this marriage. he often used to call me a psycho pathetic b***c. as i always long for him only him like a dog begging for love i keep going behind him and i have lost all contacts with my friends and some has given up on me for being married to a muslim. and a bell rings in my head saying "this is what you get for loving him this much"  
 
it was the 1st wedding anniversary and for better or worse my mom suggested that i consult this lady who is a sort of an astrologer. i went there and just looking at my face she went on telling all about my history with him and other things just like she had knew me from the begining. she also meneiond to me on how his mother cursed me and swore that she will never let him get married to me.and she also mentioned to me about my wedding anniversary too. all this was shocking and she was so convincing and on top of all that she also told me that the mother had done some black magic to separate us and i had enough proof to believe her. 
 
his parents and siblings always treated me like a piece of SH** and stil is the same. and my husband never opens up his mouth to say shut up or to admit that they are wrong. and im married to the elsest of the family and his youngest brother too shouts at me and even still he keeps quite.  
 
there was this one time i told him "your younger brother is only shouting at me today and you havent got the B**ls to stop him but there will be a day which he will be talking in the same manner to you. he just smiled and me and said then i know what to do. as time passed by and the parents and siblings only seem to trouble us (he too might have realized the same even though he did not really do anything about it) he started ignoring them and not replying their messages and calls. this made his younger brother so mas he sent him a message scolding him and it really hit my husband. what i predicted had come true and e shouted at him over the line for sending him such a thing but never mentioned how wrong he was to have shouted at his own elder brothers wife.  
 
where the sex is concerned, i feel as if i have no drive at all and sex happens like 4 times a month or so. i know he is suffering from premature ejaculation therefore i consulted this doctor but he is not willing to go. and as of today we have been married for 1.4years and i dont see any spark between us any more. how ever the problems are really less compared to what it was before but it had not gone away..  
 
and very recenly too he hit me. i broke three nails in my hand and was bleeding. that day he told me that he will no longer bring me food and to find it on my own. all in all im thinking "is this my karma?" "Do i deserve this?" but i dont have any answer. i still love him but im not sure weather i do like i did before. if there is a divorce i wounnt mind even taking that chance now. i have noticed that even if i walk naked accross the house he does not notice and he really do not care. im not fat. i'm withing my hight and weight. and i believe i have a good body. but i remember he had told me once he wish if my boobs were bigger and i have got him caught staring at other women. sometimes while even being with me.  
 
right now im unemployed but there is a job offer in my hand. a very good job with high pay and benefits. but for that to work out my husband must work on my visa as currently im under his sponsorship. now that he is not talking to his siblings or parents after the last argument he fears to sends me home too as he knows no one would take care of him like i do. but he is not taking good care of me too. the only free days he gets is thursday half day and friday full day. thursday after coming home i feed him and then he goes to sleep. i dont tell him anything as he is human and he too needs a rest. friday we wake up late and if he's got time he runs to the mosque if not no. then he comes back and goes to play cricket. then he comes home at about 6pm all tired. he hardly has any time to take me out. or the least to ask how im doing or how im feeling. 
 
when it comes to my husband, he spends but he keeps a track and throws back the price on my face at an arguement. where im the idiot i trusted him so much i spent all i had on us but never kept a track. now we have come to an agreement that once after i start working i will pay him off 1,000,000.00 (in my home currency)for all what he has spent on me. and he too likes the plan. i really have no idea weather or not he has another relationship. but i believe one can cheat once they can cheat always. so i try to keep my eyes open even-though he claims that he does not have such a thing.  
 
all this years i have never influenced him to convert in to my religion nor mom my had (my dad is dead) and where my siblings are concrernd, they dont know that im married still. just like all the other girls i too longed to have a wedding, but i know it would just be another dream. he is not bothered at all! 
 
for last valentines or for the 1st wedding anniversary i never got a card.i see my self as a person who goes in to every little detail piece when it comes to a relationship. i always wants it so perfect and i'd do anything for it. this valentines i made him a surprise cake and he really enjoyed it. he actually gave me two cards-one for this year and one for last year. sometimes he is in sometimes he is out. i really dont understand his behavior.  
 
he got this indian friend who is working with him. they are very close and often he goes to drop his wife to work and to pick her and drop her back at home. my husband claims that he goes with his friend but i really have no idea. he also talks to him in this funny way (tone) like a guy talking to a girl so i have got no clue weather he has actually become gay or what. 
 
all in all i have realized one point that i have become a total looser and he is too bored to spend time with me. that is why he does not take me out any more or so any thing nice. he is not wiling to see a doctor or any other party. he gets really annoyed and threatens to me not to tell any of our problems to any or or he will put me out of the house. can any one please tell me what to do? im 24 years right now and im totally lost!! feels as if life has eneded even before it had started. i cannot go back home as my mom is sick and she has no financial method of taking care of me. right now i dont have a single cent to call mine and all what im spending and dressed in is his money.  
 
my world is shattered and i feel like taking a knife and slicing my own body while im still alive for being this stupid with a man. i need to leave him as much as i love him coz i know its not happening between us any more. my previous man needs me back and tells me stories of how he repents for cheating me and blah blah blah. but i have no intention in living with either one of them now. i see my efforts are no more appreciated. i have tried talking to him. just last night i happen to cry as i explained. but its no use. i cannot be crying or suffereing like this any more! not at all. its time that i too start living my life! 
 
sometimes i feel as if im held hostage by my husband. he never does any house work as he has got no time. he does not send me home nor the least bothered in sorting out out my visa to get the job. 
 
but if any of his family members or his friend wanted something he would act promptly and make it happen.  
 
pleas done judge me people, there is much more to say. this is my 1st time to actually come out clean. someone please tell me what to do! i love him still, but i need to leave as i think im done!!

Yes poor dumb girls need big man to marry her, all have to do is praise them worship them and will get hard time screwed (over). A professional really? Don't mix love and sex. Want an erection stroke a man between hus thighs not his already bloated ego. Speaking of which I wonder if my brother dresses like a girl at night now to give dad his fake cookie wife. My dad isn't getting me.

Come on ladies , be honest with yourselves : Do you enjoy being treated badly ??

My ex-boyfriend dumped me 4 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don't know what to do,so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness.I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,we are about to 
get married on 18 of may .once again thank you drchrisspelltemple@gmail.conyou are truly talented and gifted.Email: drchrissspelltemple@gmail.com is the only answer.he can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. Contact him drchrissspelltemple@gmail.com joy

My ex-boyfriend dumped me 4 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don't know what to do,so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness.I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,we are about to 
get married on 18 of may .once again thank you drchrisspelltemple@gmail.conyou are truly talented and gifted.Email: drchrissspelltemple@gmail.com is the only answer.he can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man. Contact him drchrissspelltemple@gmail.com joy