Counseling Men Blog
Advice for men – and the women who love them!

My Husband Doesn't Love Me Anymore - 5 Things To Do To Change That

Posted by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC on Sun, Jun 29, 2014

My Husband Doesn%27t Love MePart 2 of 2

Wives tell me "my husband doesn't love me anymore" all the time in couples counseling. It's not just wives in counseling who feel that their husbands don't love them either, and a lot of them are right (Learn What Are The Signs He Doesn't Love Me Anymore). 

Unfortunately, many husbands, and wives, just aren't "in love" anymore with their spouses. Falling out of love really shouldn't be that surprising to anyone. Change is part of life, including no longer feeling in love with our partner. In relationships we're always going to be doing one of two things -- either growing together or apart. And the natural forces of life are going to cause us to grow apart, unless we do things to counter that process.

So is there anything you can do to change that? Yes! Here the final 3 of 5 things you can do to get your husband back in love with you:

  1. UNCONDITIONAL (find out what I mean in the first article on My Husband Doesn't Love Me)
  2. RESPECT (read more about this in the link above)
  3. PRAISE Praise and validation are one of the key reasons for men having affairs and falling in love with someone else. This is something that without conscious effort can disappear from marriages over time. Then another woman comes along and starts to offer it and... (well you know the rest of the story). Think back on when you first were dating and how you showered your husband with praise. Get back to doing this again.
  4. DISCOVER Discover what you can change about yourself. Get help seeing the sides of you that he sees, but you can't, and find out how you can make yourself more loveable. A marriage counselor is an excellent, objective expert to help you with this, especially a marriage counselor who knows men. This doesn't have to mean losing weight or changing your hair, but rather changing how you interact with him, respond to him, speak to him.
  5. PATIENCE Most partners don't fall out of love over night, it happens slowly over time. Falling back in love happens the same way. So be sure to give it some time for the love to come back.

I hear from a lot of women who really struggle when they read these suggestions. They feel so unloved by their husbands that my recommending they love him when he doesn’t love them seems wrong and impossible (Why I Fear My Husband Never Truly Loved Me). And I totally understand how they feel, but if you're feeling "my husband doesn't love me anymore" then you've got 2 choices, accept that he doesn't love you or do something to change it.

I'm not recommending that you do these 5 things forever without receiving any love from your husband in return. I'm just recommending that you be the first to start putting love back in your marriage (if you feel you already do this, then just try to do it a little bit better). Give it a try for 90 days and see what happens. What have you got to lose?

Editor's Note: This post was originally published May 4, 2010 and has been completely revamped and updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

This is the second article of two on 5 things you can do when you feel my husband doesn't love me anymore.  You can read the first 2 to do's by checking out Part 1: My Husband Doesn't Love Me - 5 Things You Can Do About It.

Husband Rater QuizHow to Get the Husband of Your Dreams

Learn how your husband rates compared to other husbands and help him get back to being the man you fell in love with. Take our Free Husband Rater Quiz (quizzes for both wives and husbands).

Tags: Love Is Gone