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My Husband Doesn't Love Me Anymore - 5 Things To Do To Change That

Posted by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC on Tue, May 04, 2010
  
  
  
  
  

My Husband Doesn%27t Love MePart 2 of 2

Quite a few wives feel that their husbands don't love them anymore, and a lot of them are right.  Unfortunately, many husbands, and wives, aren't "in love" anymore with their spouses.

But is there anything you can do to change that?  Yes!  Here the final 3 of 5 things you can do to get your husband back in love with you:

  1. UNCONDITIONAL (find out more in the first article on My Husband Doesn't Love Me)
  2. RESPECT (read more about this in the first article My Husband Doesn't Love Me)
  3. PRAISE Praise and validation are one of the key reasons for men having affairs and falling in love with someone else.  This is something that without conscious effort can disappear from marriages over time.  Then another woman comes along and starts to offer it and... (well you know the rest of the story).  Think back on when you first were dating and how you showered your husband with praise.  Get back to doing this again.
  4. DISCOVER Discover what you can change about yourself.  Get help seeing the sides of you that he sees, but you can't, and find out how you can make yourself more loveable.  A marriage counselor is an excellent, objective expert to help you with this, especially a marriage counselor who knows men.  This doesn't mean losing weight or changing your hair, but rather changing how you interact with him, respond to him, speak to him.
  5. PATIENCE Most partners don't fall out of love over night, it happens slowly over time.  Falling back in love happens the same way.  So be sure to give it some time for the love to come back.

* This is the second article of two on 5 things you can do when you feel my husband doesn't love me anymore.  You can read the first 2 to do's by clicking to the first article: My Husband Doesn't Love Me - 5 Things You Can Do About It.  Sign-up for our blog on the right side of this page and don't miss out on other great articles on relationships and men we publish every week (you can get notified by email or RSS feed).

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Comments

What happened to the man making an effort as well? It always seems to fall on the woman's shoulder to patch thing up, why is that?
Posted @ Thursday, September 08, 2011 9:51 PM by unloved
Ya I got back with my husband after 10 years he really different now he wants no sex and he never says he loves me or shows it he's 45 and I'm 36
Posted @ Thursday, December 01, 2011 1:44 AM by Katrina
Why should I have to praise him? ..praise him for what? Yelling at my son, Pushing me away when I practically beg for closeness...I am even seeking a plastic surgeon because he doesnt touch me...other men desire me...but the one i want does not...He doesnt love me...I can not leave him, because the children love him...I wear a fake smile everyday...and cry every night...He does not love me and it makes me not love myself...How do I praise him for that?
Posted @ Saturday, March 10, 2012 11:00 PM by J
Jenn, I'm not suggesting that you praise him for not loving you or if he's abusive. However, to get love we must give love. Try to find something to praise or compliment and set the example of the type of relationship you want. -Kurt
Posted @ Tuesday, March 13, 2012 6:17 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
i love my husband but no matter what i say or do he just dont love me we are together 14 years and i feel so alone half of the time,no matter how much i ask him to out on dates he says no he,d rather go out on hes own ive tried to make him feel special but 2 no avail,i dont see him making an effort to take me out and if im feeling down instead of trying to make me feel better he puts me down more and somehow ends up making it about him as usual ive tried everything mayb some marraiges are just not meant to be,im on my own most of the time anyway so y should i keep trying when he cant be bothered.
Posted @ Monday, April 09, 2012 11:56 AM by ang
Ang, I believe and have seen all kinds of marriages change so I think anything is possible. You need to learn how to get the power to get him to change - a professional counselor can help with this. I doubt that you've tried everything. If you love him, it's worth the effort to learn what else you can do. -Kurt
Posted @ Tuesday, April 10, 2012 12:58 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
Easier said than done.!!!10 years since we are married...1st five years he got my unconditional love..but he cheated me for five years..owned up n asked for forgiveness.. now i find it hard real hard to trust him..he says he loves me but i can ever feel it...i see him getting close to only after the lights r off..now i really feel hes taking me fr a ride n has gotten to a new relationship..i now dont want anything to have to do with this man...hw can i love this man?
Posted @ Thursday, April 12, 2012 2:08 AM by BSMathew
BSMathew, Yes, it is easier said than done. And it's really hard to do when they don't deserve it. But we've got to practice putting into the relationship what we want to get out of it. -Kurt
Posted @ Wednesday, April 18, 2012 12:40 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
I've been with my husband 4 20 yrs. I recently busted him Tlkg 2 a chick on da phone, he hide da # under some1 else name. Why he did it cus I'm not sexually active no more. Now he expecting me 2 put n I just can't. When we talk he makes it all about him. But he did this is sex everything n a marriage, what about us being friends, we don't go out no date nights. He expect sex. He is losing his mind, no I don't trust him. I have tired therapy, read da bible n prayed. Still I have no trust n him. It's sad
Posted @ Sunday, April 22, 2012 8:42 PM by Deedee
Deedee, If the counseling you went to didn't teach you what to do about the disrespect and lack of love in your marriage, then you need to go to a different counselor. You need to learn how to change your marriage, and the right counselor can help you with that. -Kurt
Posted @ Thursday, April 26, 2012 9:43 AM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
My husband and I have been married for 16 years. When I married him he lied about who he really was, a thug with criminal charges. I used to run away from that kind. Ater I was married to him I asked him why he lied to me, he said that I was a good girl and he knew I would not date him. He was right. Now 16 years later after I helped him go through school, he has 2 semesters to go before he graduates with his bachelor's in engineering he wants out of the marriage. He says he doesn't love me any more because I was to hard on him. Well he was very irresponsible with the bills and a huge spender. He promised me that when he finished I could go, because I dropped out so he could finish and now he wants to leave. I feel used I went through hell with his childish ways and putting up with poverty because of his criminal record and his racist parents. I now that his record is clear after 16 years, his credit is better than mine and he's about to graduate he wants a divorce. He doesn't want to talk and if I press a little he calls me a stalker. I cannot believe this monster was hidding inside this man all along. I am broken hearted.
Posted @ Friday, April 27, 2012 10:05 PM by L H
LH, I'm very sorry to hear that. You need some professional guidance and support. Find a counselor to help you through this. -Kurt
Posted @ Tuesday, May 08, 2012 1:29 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
My husband and I have only been married for a year. We started off on the wrong foot, calling each other horrible names and reacting to stress by being disrespectful and eventually ignoring each other. We just hit rock bottom and I asked for a divorce after we both said some of the lowest things a couple should never say. but our counselor suggested we hold off on divorce talk for a while and try things her way. Showing appreciation, even if it was just appreciating that he's still hanging in when things are bad, being mindful of my reactivity and being patient while he tries to wrap his head around things too have already begun to change the temperature of our relationship. And so far the return on my own efforts has popped up in some nice ways. I'm still waiting to see if he will be able to meet my needs in the marriage, The trust in the marriage is still shaky and we're still living apart for the time being, but only patience, praise, respect, hard work and God's grace will save us. I'm just working on pitching in my 50 per cent.
Posted @ Wednesday, May 09, 2012 1:34 AM by Amockgonezealous
The best way to have a man begging you for love is....... Leave him, divorce him, ignore him, treat him bad. You will see how he appreciates what you are. Unfortunately men always appreciate what they HAD almost never what they have. Praise him? He already thinks he its too much for you. Why in the world would you give him more reasons to feel that way? Believe me, I tried everything possible to save my first 2 marriages, is not a one person's task. I left them and both of them are still single and had made it clear several times they still have hope of coming back to me even thou I'm finally happily married to my perfect match. Too late.
Posted @ Wednesday, May 09, 2012 5:23 PM by Viridiana
Amockgonezealous, Good job on making that effort. Glad to hear you see results. You're counselor is right to be patient. 
 
Viridiana, I disagree with your suggestions, but believe you're right that most of us, men and women too, often don't appreciate what we have. Glad to hear you're happily married now. -Kurt
Posted @ Friday, May 18, 2012 8:13 AM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
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