Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
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Would you know what midlife crisis men symptoms look like?
A midlife crisis can happen to anyone. In fact, most people experience a distinct mental and emotional change during midlife and that’s completely normal. For the majority of them, however, this is more of a transition than a crisis.
There are some people though, especially men, who will experience a full-blown crisis. So, what are the symptoms of midlife crisis men?
Let’s take a look.
Men experiencing a midlife crisis can display a range of symptoms. Recently I worked with a woman, Angie, whose husband was acting strangely. Angie’s husband is a man experiencing a midlife crisis, although she didn’t realize it until we talked.
Angie told me about some of the changes she’d seen and asked me if these could be midlife crisis symptoms. She noted:
I explained to her that, yes, these can all be midlife crisis symptoms in men. The behavior seen in midlife crisis men can definitely look like one or all of these, and that’s not all.
Angie’s husband, Frank, has been doing the things she mentioned for the past 11 months. And despite how hard Angie has tried to understand, she just doesn’t get what’s happened with her husband. She says Frank used to think about others and now is focused only on himself.
When your spouse or loved one is going through a midlife crisis, feeling the way Angie does is very common. Midlife crisis men are particularly prone to acting selfishly and losing any capacity for empathy, especially when it comes to their wives or partners.
Wives and other family members often report that it seems to happen overnight, like a switch flips and he changed.
Trust me when I tell you, it didn’t. But seeing the growing symptoms of a midlife crisis developing in a man can be very challenging if you don’t know what to look for.
Angie asked me point blank,
How do you explain what happened to the man who once packed up the Thanksgiving dinner leftovers and took them to the homeless shelter, but now walks away from his crying kids without a care in the world?”
This insensitive and self-centered behavior isn’t anything like the man she married or the father her kids love. She’s even started to believe he doesn’t love her anymore, something she would never have thought of even a few months ago.
The symptoms of a midlife crisis can vary, but overwhelmingly it’s characterized by:
Angie went on to describe an interaction between her daughter and Frank.
I just want daddy to live with us. When can daddy live with us?”
6-year-old Jaden cried out as she sat in the car. When Frank approached she pleaded,
Daddy come home with us.”
Frank ignored her cries for him and quickly kissed her forehead, said goodbye and walked away.
Angie believes he was headed to the casino to meet up with the other woman.
As he walked away there was almost a neon sign on his back flashing, “MIDLIFE CRISIS MAN.”
Midlife crisis men behave in a way that defies common sense.
On the surface it looks crazy, but when you can understand what’s going on inside, the illogical behavior can be a little more understandable, even though it still is crazy.
Transitioning through midlife can cause many people to take a closer look at their lives. They begin asking themselves questions like,
This reflection can be a healthy reevaluation and allow for an appropriate resetting of priorities.
For some, however, all they can see is what they haven’t done, and they ask questions like,
And they determine it’s time to take care of number one – themselves.
Knowing there may be more time behind you than ahead of you can trigger regrets or even panic.
These thoughts and feelings will sometimes throw people into crisis mode and initiate bizarre and desperate behavior like Frank’s.
And although the inclination can make sense to some degree, the idea that someone might really risk their family, job, and life, rather than thoughtfully resetting goals and re-prioritizing, is hard to understand.
What we need to keep in mind is that, as selfish as it is, men with symptoms of a midlife crisis need help. Because their behavior is so damaging and self-centered, it can be hard to want to help midlife crisis men – the pain they cause often drives people away.
Without help, however, it can be difficult for midlife crisis men to recover, repair the damage, and re-engage with their lives and families, which is exactly what they need to do.
There are a lot of women like Angie – struggling to understand their husbands and save their families. Counseling women like her is what we do at Guy Stuff - we’re not just about counseling men.
If a man you love is dealing with midlife crisis symptoms, like having an affair, irresponsible spending, and abandoning their family, it’s time to get help.
Remember:
A midlife crisis does generally come to an end and midlife crisis men can begin to recognize what they’ve done and experience regrets.
The best bet for shortening a midlife crisis and limiting the damage is to seek counseling as soon as possible.
If you’d like more information on midlife crisis men symptoms and their behaviors, you can read more of our articles here - midlife crisis.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published December 10, 2011, updated on May 28, 2019, and has been updated again for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Do people have Regrets After A Midlife Crisis? Yes, many.
One of the hardest parts of a midlife crisis is being the partner of the man in one.
Think a man in your life it going through a mid-life crisis? Learn the signs here.
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I am so confused and don't know what to think. I can use some advice from men who have gone through it or women who's husbands have. I believe my husband if having a midlife crisis for the last 7 yrs. After 22 yrs of marriage he suddenly changed. He became very disrespectful of my feeling. He started starring down young girls in my face like he was undressing them and never looked at girls in front of me for 22yrs. Things have escalated from there. Anger and Rage, critizing everything about me physically from my hair, makeup, nails, clothes, saying why aren't you classy to so what if all the girls I look at are prettier and hotter then you. He has gone as far as to say if I leave him no other man would want me. He's criticized me as a mother and wife. It's like I do nothing right in his eyes. He is always angry and blaming me for everything including what he says and does to me. He says I hurt myself and bring it all upon myself and I deserve what I get. He has showed every sign of cheating and I believe he's having an affair at work. He doesn't want me at his job or to talk to anyone at his job. He always looks like he's hiding something. Doesn't leave anything hanging around me. He doesn't want me in his car and sleeps with his pants next to him every night though we're not sleeping in the same room. For 28 yrs I handle all the finances in the house, suddenly last yr he took over all the finances and hides and witholds money from me leaving me with none. I don't know if it's his way of spending what he wants on who he's having an affair with or if it's his way of trying to control me. He says he wants to be with me and fix our marriage but he has broken trust with lie after lie. I asked him to take me to his job to prove to me he's not cheating with anyone there seeing as about 3 yrs ago we went to a funeral from someone at his job and one of the girls from there saw me walk in and started saying oh that's so in so's wife I need to talk to her I have things to say to her. Every sign points to him cheating and having an affair at this point which I think might have started anywhere from 6 months to a year ago. The 1st sign for me was the fact he started having sex very different with me. He is distant and cold and we haven't had sex in over 6 months, he shows no interest in me or being with me at all yet he claims he's not cheating. We are at the point in our marriage sleeping separately, living in the same house and don't bother with each other. When I ask he say he wants to save his marriage but he's not going to take me to his job or do anything else to prove he's not cheating. He said I either start trusting or believing in him or I don't. I asked him to prove it to me so he can start building the trust he has broken with me but he just says if I want to fix this marriage I need to get myself help and stop accusing him and start believing and trusting him. How am I suppose to trust someone who has continually lied to me for 7 yrs and shows every sign of cheating. Any man who I've asked said if they weren't cheating they would have a problem proving that if it meant saving their marriage. I've told him if he can't prove anything to build trust our marriage is going to end but he refuses and tells me I don't want a separation or divorce but I'm not proving myself so go do what you have to do. Is it just me or can he be showing all signs of cheating and not be in a midlife crisis because my gut has been screaming that he definitely is. I know Kurt Smith you say a midlife crisis doesn't have to end in divorce but I don't know what to do from here. I've been mentally and emotionally abused by this man for 7 yrs already and nothing is changing or getting better. I'm ready to divorce him but struggle with it seeing we have a long history of being married 29 yrs together for 36 yrs and having 3 children together. I want to do and have been trying to stay to save my marriage but I can't deal with this anymore. I believe he's out getting what he needs emotionally and sexually from another women while I stay here in this marriage starved for love affection etc... can anyone relate or give me advice or tell me if this is all in my head like he tries to tell me it is when I know it's not. I'm not crazy and it's hard for anyone to believe what I tell them because it's not like a women who is physically abused where you see bruises or scars. He plays with my head and I've had all I can take. I still pray there's someway to save my marriage but I don't know if it can be. I would appreciate advice from men who have been there done that or women who's husbands have and if I should stay and continue to be treated this way or leave. I struggle every minute of everyday what I should do.
Donna, it sounds like a midlife crisis to me. All your observations are telling you something is really wrong here. Research shows 80% of women who believe their husbands are having an affair are correct. I had to be stealthy & calm in order to gather the evidence of my husband's affair (phone records/GPS) because I knew he wouldn't be honest about it. You asking him for proof & him refusing to prove to you he's not having an affair shows he's going to continue until you leave or find some evidence. I highly recommend the book "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life." I know it's not easy, but staying in a loveless marriage isn't easy, either. I've been separated six months now. The separation has enabled me to see the whole relationship for what it was. I believe my husband has cheated before, early in our relationship & towards the middle part. I had suspicions then, but no proof. My husband always denied & blamed me. That's what cheaters do. I'm much happier now, rediscovering myself after our 30-yr. relationship.
I am mid-40s, look 10 years younger and is reasonably attractive. Married to my husband (who is a year younger than me) for 20 years now. We had a wonderful marriage, he was a devoted husband and involved father. 6 years ago, he had an affair with a woman 10 years+ younger. She knew he is married with kid. He said they met during a work seminar, she asked him for a coffee date, he relented to find out how far it would go (sounds like teenage rebellion to me). They kissed/smooched but no sex. He said he ended the relationship after 6mths because he knew nothing would come out of it. I only found out about the affair after it had ended, thanks to my intuition. We continue with our marriage, but did not seek counselling. I was resentful and became ‘less loving’ towards him.
4 years later (2 years after his dad died), he gradually became withdrawn, disconnected and share less about himself and work and stopped having sex with me. Finally he changed his phone password. There were threats or talks about divorce between us but never materialised. This went on for about almost 1.5 years. I finally caught traces of his affair and he admitted. The woman is 10 years+ younger, introduced to him by a friend whom he refused to tell me who. He said the problem is not me nor our marriage, is him. He said he has changed, his feelings has changed, he is different, his needs has changed. I asked him what was his need that I could not meet. He said he has sexual connection with that woman but not me. He refused to tell me more. Thereafter, he became a changed person overnight. He became disrespectful, disregarded our child’s safety and emotional needs, said he felt trapped with me, did outrageous things that were unlike the usual him. It felt like all hell break loose, felt like he was “possessed”. He became illogical. He was unsure of how much he really like/love that woman, but yet he told me he was likely to remarry. Just when he was at the verge of moving out, I found out that he got to know her during one of his regular business trips and my husband does not speak her language much. All the puzzle pieces came together and I figured that the woman was likely to be a scam. He probably figured that out after I pointed some suspicious traits/events surrounding their relationship. He ended the affair and stayed.
It has been 8 mths since. He still keeps his phone password from me. He is very slowly opening himself up to me about his work again. He has resumed holding my hand, peck me on my lips, some hugs. He still would not initiate sex and would reject me when I initiate....his reason was "we need to overcome the damage". Finally few days ago, I managed to arouse him into sex with me. But he rejected my advances 2 days later despite me wearing a sexy lingerie. He said he was tired and had a headache. I got angry and we did not end well that night. I talked about divorce. Eventually he said it again….that his feelings has changed, he is different, is nothing to do with me, that whom I love is the old him not the new him. But he admitted that he did feel something (whatever that was) during our recent sex. I asked would he miss me if we divorce and he said yes. He also said he is a ruined man, and I remembered he once said he was not as successful (yet he holds a very good position at work).
He has no hobby for a long time. He used to enjoy planning for holidays. Now I plan and we go because he is too busy with work. He is a workaholic. He is either sleeping or working from home most of the time on weekends if we are not out. He doesn't watch television anymore. When we passed by mirrors in public places, he would look at this balding crown. He started losing some hair when he was in mid 20s and it got progressively worse in recent years. His parents did not have a good marriage for a very long time.
I am wondering whether my husband is having a midlife crisis? Has the affairs got anything to do with it? He refused to go counselling and said he would argue with the therapist and would not cooperate. What should I do, what can I do? Please help me, help us.
My husband of less than 5 years who has been a life long friend, who I looked after through a heart attack and pneumonia has just run away, I found out he was having an affair and he just ran away. I am 57 he was 55 and seeing a woman young enough to be his daughter. He wants to take everything I have worked for (he came to me with nothing but wants o leave with everything) . I am not convinced about the mid-life crisis thing, I think some men are just vile, lying swine, I am wife number three and he claimed that both previous wives were the unfaithful ones!
I have been married almost 35 years to my husband. He has been distant and cold fir about 2 months. He told me on New Years day he is no longer interested in sex with me. As a matter of a fact he doesnt show any affection. We had a talk and he said he is not interested in anyone else, not sure I believe him? We sleep in separate beds in the same room. He doesn't text me anymore to see how the day is going. After a momentary sexual uncounted with him last week,he announced rather angrily,that he doesnt love me and never will! I was devastated. We previously had a conversation about staying married. He said he loves me and didn't want a divorce.confusion on my part. Now he says he just doesn't care about anything, that nothing matters. He said he cares about his friends, male and female and his daughters. He said I could live in tbe house as long as I want to. Finances are difficult. I see signs of depression for awhile now. So lost, he refuses to discuss our marriage future. Says get a divirce if you want to. Hes not getting one.I have tried to tell him I live him, support him,and respect him. Deaf ears, but I said it.I am trying to be living and respectful, and caring even though it hurts like hell. Don't know what else to do. Praise, respect ,Hard to communicate with someone who shuts you down.