Are there porn addiction symptoms? What do you look for if you suspect porn addiction, but don’t know for sure?
The men who buy sex are your neighbors and colleagues…Men of all ages, races, religions, and backgrounds do it. Rich men do it, and poor men do it, in forms so varied and ubiquitous that they can be summoned at a moment’s notice.
And yet surprisingly little is known about the age-old practice of buying sex, long assumed to be inevitable. No one even knows what proportion of the male population does it; estimates range from 16 percent to 80 percent.
And yet buying sex is so pervasive that Farley’s team had a shockingly difficult time locating men who really don’t do it. The use of pornography, phone sex, lap dances, and other services has become so widespread that the researchers were forced to loosen their definition in order to assemble a 100-person control group.
“We had big, big trouble finding nonusers,” Farley says. “We finally had to settle on a definition of non-sex-buyers as men who have not been to a strip club more than two times in the past year, have not purchased a lap dance, have not used pornography more than one time in the last month, and have not purchased phone sex or the services of a sex worker, escort, erotic masseuse, or prostitute.”
What does that say about our society's acceptance of selling sex today – when you have to lower the research standards to find enough men who don’t buy sex? So what’s that got to do with porn addiction symptoms? A lot.
The normalization of strip clubs, sexually orientated magazines like Maxim, and sexually suggestive images at almost every turn on the internet, should make porn addiction almost to be expected for men. Which supports why the researcher had such a hard time finding men who didn't buy sex. Having these things in your life are also potential symptoms of porn addiction.
Many experts believe the digital age has spawned an enormous increase in sexual exploitation; today anyone with access to the internet can easily make a “date” through online postings, escort agencies, and other suppliers who cater to virtually any sexual predilection. The burgeoning demand has led to a dizzying proliferation of services so commonplace that many men don’t see erotic massages, strip clubs, or lap dances as forms of prostitution. “The more the commercial sex industry normalizes this behavior, the more of this behavior you get,” says Norma Ramos, executive director of the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women (CATW).
Here are 3 porn addiction symptoms that can be seen in this research:
1. Lack of emotional connection with their partner during sex
Farley found that sex buyers were more likely to view sex as divorced from personal relationships than non-buyers, and they enjoyed the absence of emotional involvement with prostitutes, whom they saw as commodities. “Prostitution treats women as objects and not ... humans,” said one john interviewed for the study.
2. Requests for unusual sex acts, such as anal sex
Farley’s findings suggest that the use of prostitution and pornography may cause men to become more aggressive. Sex buyers in the study used significantly more pornography than non-buyers, and three quarters of them said they received their sex education from pornography, compared with slightly more than half of the non-buyers. “Over time, as a result of their prostitution and pornography use, sex buyers reported that their sexual preferences changed and they sought more sadomasochistic and anal sex,” the study reported.
3. Aggression or anger around sex
“Prostitution can get you to think that things you may have done with a prostitute you should expect in a mutual loving relationship,” said one john who was interviewed. Such beliefs inspire anger toward other women if they don’t comply, impairing men’s ability to sustain relationships with non-prostitutes (all excerpts from The John Next Door).
These are all porn addiction symptoms that I see in my work with men who have porn addictions. Please understand that these are possible symptoms of porn addiction, but are not a guarantee of it. It's important to also keep in mind that this study focused on the selling of sex, prostitution in particular, and porn addiction does not have to mean a man uses prostitutes, too.
Are there other porn addiction symptoms? Sure. Keeping computer or smart phone use secret, loss of interest in sex, seeking time alone or unaccountable are a few others. If you suspect a man you love may have a porn addiction, speak with a professional counselor who specializes in treating men addicted to porn.