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Addicted to Porn - Why Men Deny It

Posted by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC on Thu, Jul 19, 2012
  
  
  
  
  

addicted to porn"Addicted to porn? No way!" Jason told his wife. Even though porn has been a regular part of his life for as long as he can remember, Jason never considered himself addicted to porn.  He just never saw it as a problem. 

How could porn be a problem when every guy he knows looks at porn?  Now that he’s married, it’s become a big, big problem.  And he now sees that he’s addicted to porn.

Jason was in the Army for 8 years, much of it overseas, and has been out for a little more than 2 years.  He says in the Army everyone looks at porn.  A lot of wives and girlfriends would even email homemade porn of themselves to their soldiers.

Porn isn’t so normal though for Sheri, Jason’s wife of 16 months.  She says it makes her really, really upset.  It makes her feel insecure too.  She even has nightmares about Jason being with other women because of the porn.  Ironically, Sheri’s a former model. (Learn What Women Think About Porn)

Despite having a very attractive wife, Jason continued to view porn.  Being addicted to porn has caused a huge trust problem between he and Sheri.  He’s told her repeatedly that he would stop looking and hasn’t.  As a result, she’s suspicious and distrusting of almost everything he tells her.

The stress and strain from the conflict in his marriage finally got to be too much for Jason and it brought him to Guy Stuff to find some solutions.  He didn't want to watch porn anymore, and he became open to the idea that he could be addicted to porn.  He wanted to learn more about using a safety plan he’d read about on our website.  And he wanted to rebuild trust with Sheri.  

Jason’s made huge progress in stopping his porn addiction.  With Guy Stuff’s help he hasn’t viewed porn in months.  He has a safety plan in place that Sheri’s a partner in.  With his taking these steps she’s starting to trust him a little more each day.

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My husband is Soldier, getting ready to return from his 2nd overseas deployment in a couple of weeks. I'm not sure exactly when the porn problem began, I do know when he was statioined in another state for a year he was looking at it, and even opened profiles on adult hook-up sites. Supposedly he stopped and everything seemed fine. But after having several other ex-boyfriends cheat on me, I am hypersensitive to this, and very suspicious. I would love to say I completely believed and trusted him, but when he was home on R&R, I searched his computer. After he told me "they don't have access to porn" (appearently he thinks I am completely ingnorant), I found a bunch of porn pics & short videos on his computer. Not only that, but he is looking at transexual/she-male stuff! I have tried to be more open & adventurous in our sex life, which now leaves me feeling used & ashamed. At least half the time we're together he cannot even reach a climax...I know it's because of the porn, but he doesn't believe me and denies looking at it. Today, I snooped one of his accounts (I know I shouldn't but I had to know with him coming home) and found that this very morning he was looking searching and looking at two websites, one of women and another of transexual males. I don't know what to do. I know it needs to be addressed, but with reintegration and everything else, how do I do it? I cannot continue living a lie. I do not know of any counselors in our area who specialize in porn addiction. I know we need to get that out of the way so we can deal with everything else...we don't have a perfect marriage, I am not trying to blame him completely. I know it takes two, but how can I trust him or learn to trust him so we can rebuild our marriage when everytime I think the foundation is layed it gets blown up again?!
Posted @ Saturday, March 24, 2012 1:35 PM by Jennifer
Jennifer, You do need to address this. You;re right, it can be very hard to find counselors experienced in porn. I do phone, Skype, web cam meetings with people all around the world. If you'd like help, take a look at our counseling pages for our appointment calendar/rates/and request form. -Kurt
Posted @ Tuesday, March 27, 2012 12:41 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
I have a problem with my husband he keeps looking at porn it makes me feel vunrable and also makes me feel cery unatractive because of this slso we already have trust problems just the other night i was checking his ohones interbet data and he had been on adult work. Which i looked at and it was a escort site. I confronted him but he just keeps diniying it even wen ors wrote in black & white that hes been on it! We have a child together we get on great but its these little things that get to me and i do not trust hom! What do i do? Ive sat down loads of times tryed talking to him working with hom but it seems like he doeesnt understand me when i say i dont want him doing these things.. Im loosing sleep because of thinking constantly its really upsetting and indont have anwsers what to do. Please give me advise. He wont see a councelor.
Posted @ Tuesday, August 28, 2012 3:08 AM by Sophie
Sophie, You need to stop talking and start doing. Go to counseling yourself to learn what you can do to get him to change and start treating you with the respect you deserve. -Kurt
Posted @ Wednesday, September 05, 2012 12:46 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
I'm 37 and am dating a man 47 and came to the shocking truth that even tho he said porn was back in his 20s in the military life... He was overseas as well... He wasn't who he claimed to be which ruined trust.... And my hurtle is that his preference is for teen Porn... 18 yrs old... But many look young for their age... Even 18 can still be his daughter... What would I do if I had s teen daughter in the home... Can someone explain this to me... Yes 18 yrs old is legal but does he have an illness? He also had Avril Lavigne... Britney Spears... And the nude pic of the at the time 20 yr old girl from para more.... I'm 37 and am fit and look young for my age and bubbly but I don't look anything like the girls he looked at which mostly were small and barely had an a cup... And I'm five foot 3 and he says I'm on the tall end of HUD preference.. He got used to the petite five foot girls overseas I guess... And he's 6 foot... I need some wisdom here really bad I'm confused
Posted @ Friday, December 14, 2012 2:17 AM by Jenn
My husband also watchs porn everyday at makes me feel really bad about my self.
Posted @ Tuesday, January 15, 2013 2:57 PM by Janet
I am so frustrated with the topic of porn in my relationship. We have been together for almost 6 years, married for almost one. And the year of marriage has had less sex than ever. Not for lack of willingness on my part either. Even when I'm tired I can be woken up and willing, have been in the past. I miss the good ole days of the first two years of our relationship. 2-3x/wk was average. Now I'm lucky if it's once every few weeks. I find my husband looking at porn a lot- we work opposite schedules and he does it when he's alone. Or late at night he will go in the bathroom with his phone. It makes me feel worthless. Hideous. Like I'm too much work and too boring and not good enough. I know I'm not any o those things, either! I'm just annoyed. And I would really like a solution. I have always handled it in a "I know every guy does this so it's cool but.." and then tried lightly joking about it, now I'm just flat out angry. I don't know what to do.
Posted @ Saturday, May 18, 2013 12:01 AM by Shannon
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