Anger Problems Take our FREE Husband Rater Quiz! Take a Quiz

follow Guy Stuff

Guy Stuff's Counseling Men Blog shares real stories from our counseling sessions, giving practical solutions and answers to the challenges men and women face.

subscribeSubscribe by Email

Your email:

Got a Question

Have a question you'd like to Ask a Marriage Counselor? 
Submit your question here and we'll try to answer it in an up coming post. Please keep in mind that we get a lot of questions and are limited in how many we can answer. (Be sure to Sign Up by Email or RSS Feed above so you'll get our answer as soon as it's published.)

Blog Privacy Notice

All the stories, people, and quotes described in this blog are real.  However, people's names and biographical details have been changed to conceal their identity and protect their privacy.

Counseling Men Blog
Advice for men – and the women who love them!

Current Articles | RSS Feed RSS Feed

Verbal Abuse - 8 Things You Can Do To Stop Verbal Abuse


Verbal AbusePart 2 of 2

So you're in a relationship with verbal abuse.  What can you do about it?

If you're not sure if that's you, read about verbal abuse signs: Verbal Abuse - What's It Look Like?  Are there Signs?

Below are 8 things you can do to stop verbal abuse from the article How Can Someone Identify and Respond to Verbal Abuse? by Cathy Meyer:

  1. Abuse is never justified so, you should never feel that it is your fault.
  2. Let the abuser know how hurtful their words are and discuss with them the fact that it is unacceptable to you. Set boundaries on what you will and will not accept from your abuser.
  3. Seek counseling, either together or separately.
  4. Surround yourself with a support system of family and friends. Discuss with them what is happening and how you are feeling.
  5. If the verbal abuse escalates to physical abuse, leave. Your personal safety is far more important than the relationship.
  6. Do not engage in conflict with your abuser. If your spouse becomes angry stay calm, walk away and don’t give him/her what they want…a reaction from you.
  7. Take back your power. If you react to the abuser, you are rewarding them. Letting them know they have power over your emotions. Don’t allow the abuser to have control over how you feel.
  8. Leave the marriage. If setting boundaries, getting therapy and refusing to respond to the abuse doesn’t work, then it is time to consider divorce. There are times when the best thing you can do for yourself is, break all ties with your abuser.

The most important thing to remember about verbal abuse is that its purpose is to control.  The key to responding to verbal abuse is learning how to break free of the control and get your power back.  Don't underestimate how difficult this can be.  In order successfully stop verbal abuse it's critical to have the guidance and coaching of an experienced professional counselor.  Don't go it alone any longer.

* This is the second article of two on verbal abuse.  In the first article we looked at verbal abuse signs -- Verbal Abuse - What's It Look Like?  Are there Signs?  Sign-up for Our Blog on the right side of this page and don't miss other informative articles.


I read the 8 things about verbal abuse and I now see I have been handling it all wrong. I will definitely take this advise and use it everytime he starts some stupid verbal attack and not give him the power.
Posted @ Tuesday, September 07, 2010 2:42 PM by Beverly Goodnight
I really truly have gotten some good tips from the 8 steps. 
However, I will start to re-gain control. Don't desire to lose myself in th process of this marriage.
Posted @ Monday, January 23, 2012 3:06 AM by P. Evans
verbal abuse hurts it like i can't do anything rite always very rude hurtful words
Posted @ Sunday, August 19, 2012 4:51 PM by stacia adams
How dare he do what he has done to me!! Took away my spirit, my pride, my joy all to benefit himself...I want out from this sick sick man. I have a 7 year old daughter watching what he has done to me. I'm abusing my daughter to allow this. What duo I do, I have no where to go
Posted @ Wednesday, August 29, 2012 1:51 AM by Susanlee
I have been in verbally & in the past abusive relationship but I am stuck I have nowhere to go I lost all my money in recession no family & few friends I have one girlfriend I could stay with but she's a drama queen he hurts me everyday by constantly putting me down I'm at my wits end !!
Posted @ Sunday, September 02, 2012 9:23 PM by Melinda Ficks
Susanlee & Melinda, First, Susan you're right that you're allowing your daughter to be abused by her watching you be abused. Second, both of you should contact a local 'women's shelter' for abused women, most locales have them, or contact your county mental health department for suggestions. -Kurt
Posted @ Wednesday, September 05, 2012 12:50 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
Soy abusado verbalmente me quede sin trabajo y es por el dinero, he recibido todo tipo de ofensas tengo 2 hijos y me quedo callado por ellos pero ella no para su boca ni le importan los vecinos al contrario grita mas para que oigan todos me pienso ir pero tengo que aguantar un poco por el dinero pero vivo en un infierno emocional alguien me puede aconsejar ?
Posted @ Wednesday, October 10, 2012 5:43 PM by gabriel
I have been in a abusive marriage for 31 years. At some have not been so bad only when we dissagree the verbal abuse come out from my husbands mouth. But the last few years have been the worse. It comes down to neglection, severe verbal abuse and witholding,ignoring, uncommunitive, No intimcacy. Getting tired but can't get out, currently not working and have no family than can help. Sick N disable. Feeling trapped.
Posted @ Tuesday, October 23, 2012 8:03 AM by Helen
I put up with emotional abuse for three years. He even admitted it, but that only fortified his idea it was okay. We became disgustingly codependent and I allowed it to keep happening until it became extremely physical. When I left I realized it was never really love from him, he was clutching on to me as his scapegoat and surrogate mother. I wish I had been proactive and read things like this before, or I wouldn't have the physical and emotional scars I have now. He has no regrets in what he did to me, I only regret not walking away and changing my life sooner. The sooner you leave, the sooner your life gets better.
Posted @ Monday, May 06, 2013 6:54 PM by mel
i loved him so much but i never committed because i thought that something was off... funny how an abusive person can get to you even when you are not in a committed relationship. it has taken me close to a year to see what he is and to realise that by reacting and trying to be the aggressor, i am giving him ammo. tonight i am taking back my power
Posted @ Wednesday, June 12, 2013 1:01 PM by abby
My husband, never says anything nice to me, anymore. I do everything wrong and he always yells at me and calls me every name in the book. im so tired of this. but don't want my marriage to fail. he used to be a good person. Everytime were around our friends he says stop, like im doing anything. just talking. trying to be me.That I can never be anymore. Im lost and don't know how to handle this. I have a 15 year old son. and I don't like him around this treatment. my husband laughs when I cry. and just puts me down more and more. Im so sick of this. I feel like crawling in a hole and dyeing. When will it ever stop? Why do I always pick these type of guys?
Posted @ Sunday, November 24, 2013 12:49 PM by wendy
i feel all the people in this situation i myself have been in a verbally and mentally abusive relationship the first time i got so scared i called the police cus i never went threw such a thing but nothing can be done and i wish i cud ignore him but its so hard to break from all this i need help soon
Posted @ Friday, April 11, 2014 3:56 PM by jenny
Post Comment
Website (optional)

Allowed tags: <a> link, <b> bold, <i> italics