Counseling Men Blog
Advice for men – and the women who love them!

Is Porn Cheating?

Posted by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC on Tue, Jul 03, 2012

is porn cheatingIs porn cheating? Or is porn normal?

Men looking at porn on the Internet, and increasingly women too, has become huge. Is porn cheating if it's looked at so much?

Porn is almost always watched in secret. Is porn cheating since we keep it a secret?

Whether we recognize it or not, looking at porn has a big, negative affect on us and our relationships. Is porn normal if it negatively affects us?

Many people struggle answering the question "is porn cheating?" Ultimately, each person has to decide for themselves. Here are Dr. Phil's thoughts from his article Is Internet Porn Cheating? to help you in answering the question for yourself:

Internet pornography is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a "normal guy thing"? Here's what Dr. Phil believes:

        • It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.
        • Consider how it makes your partner feel. If it makes your partner feel ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate, then it needs to stop. If it is eroding your relationship, it's gone too far.
        • Pornography isn't real, it's a fantasy. Its makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal.
        • Viewing Internet pornography or engaging in cybersex is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.
        • You need to tell your partner that viewing pornography is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable in your relationship. Draw a line: Your partner needs to choose between the pornography or the relationship.

Ask yourself or your partner:

        • Would you do it with your partner standing right there?
        • Are you turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship? You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so find out if you or your partner have a problem.
        • Do you justify the behavior by saying, "It's harmless," "Everyone does it," or "It's just the Internet"?
        • Does it intrude on your relationship?
        • Which is more important: pornography or your relationship?

So what do you think, is porn cheating?  Be careful not to go to the easiest conclusion and accept our society's belief that says there's nothing wrong with looking at porn. Decide for yourself is porn normal.

Porn is a very difficult topic to talk about -- especially with your partner.  Get the guidance and understanding of an expert in counseling men experienced in dealing with porn addiction to assist you in developing your own beliefs regarding is porn cheating, changing your behavior of looking at porn if you want to stop, and learning how to talk to your partner about porn.

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Tags: Porn Addiction