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Is Porn Cheating?

  
  
  
  

is porn cheatingIs porn cheating? Or is porn normal?

Men looking at porn on the Internet, and increasingly women too, has become huge. Is porn cheating if it's looked at so much?

Porn is almost always watched in secret. Is porn cheating since we keep it a secret?

Whether we recognize it or not, looking at porn has a big, negative affect on us and our relationships. Is porn normal if it negatively affects us?

Many people struggle answering the question "is porn cheating?" Ultimately, each person has to decide for themselves. Here are Dr. Phil's thoughts from his article Is Internet Porn Cheating? to help you in answering the question for yourself:

Internet pornography is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a "normal guy thing"? Here's what Dr. Phil believes:

        • It is not OK behavior. It is a perverse and ridiculous intrusion into your relationship. It is an insult, it is disloyal and it is cheating.
        • Consider how it makes your partner feel. If it makes your partner feel ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate, then it needs to stop. If it is eroding your relationship, it's gone too far.
        • Pornography isn't real, it's a fantasy. Its makeup, beauty lenses, hair extensions, camera angles, lighting and silicone! It's also somebody's daughter who has taken a really, really wrong turn. She's demeaning herself, debasing herself, humiliating herself and she's being exploited by people who are funded by you. It is a sick, demented, twisted world. It's not healthy, it's not natural and it's not normal.
        • Viewing Internet pornography or engaging in cybersex is a short step to taking cheating to the next level.
        • You need to tell your partner that viewing pornography is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable in your relationship. Draw a line: Your partner needs to choose between the pornography or the relationship.

Ask yourself or your partner:

        • Would you do it with your partner standing right there?
        • Are you turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship? You can't change what you don't acknowledge, so find out if you or your partner have a problem.
        • Do you justify the behavior by saying, "It's harmless," "Everyone does it," or "It's just the Internet"?
        • Does it intrude on your relationship?
        • Which is more important: pornography or your relationship?

So what do you think, is porn cheating?  Be careful not to go to the easiest conclusion and accept our society's belief that says there's nothing wrong with looking at porn. Decide for yourself is porn normal.

Porn is a very difficult topic to talk about -- especially with your partner.  Get the guidance and understanding of an expert in counseling men experienced in dealing with porn addiction to assist you in developing your own beliefs regarding is porn cheating, changing your behavior of looking at porn if you want to stop, and learning how to talk to your partner about porn.

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Comments

I have been with my husband for 23 years. We have 3 near grown children. He started watching "porn" at 12 on cable...I knew we had a problem when he would turn to porn after a fight. He would spend money on porn instead of diapers. He would look for it in all forms. My kids would find it. It changed him. I told him it needed to stop as it was escalating. That was 10 years ago.2 years ago, my daughter caught him on the web cam with a chat site "girl" from another country. It had gone on for months and he was now talking to her on her personal time. It became an affair on the internet. I was devastated. It is actually what brought me to this site. It took 6 months and a separation for him to cut it off and for US to get help. It is an addiction! We live with it every day. Porn is not welcome in this home ever again. We are doing very well now and or marriage is wonderful.(we both got help). I learned to create deal breakers and this is the big one! Lat year we took our first "Just Us" trip in 23 years. We are healing. I am still healing. He is healing. It is an addiction. Fast, easy and emotion free because I never was!!! For the first time, we have a loving marriage that is porn free. It can be done.
Posted @ Monday, July 16, 2012 8:02 AM by Angie
Angie, Congratulations to both of you. Awesome story! It's a hard road but it can be done. Thanks for sharing and giving hope to others. -Kurt
Posted @ Wednesday, July 18, 2012 7:50 AM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
I found my boyfriend of 6 months taking care of himself on the computer with porn. I discussed this with him and said it is not acceptable on my computer in my house. He wanted to change and chose me over the internet. I put a free trial offer for a keylogger on my computer and one week later he was on my facebook page for 3 hours searching for women that did not protect their pictures. Some were pornography. Some were very young women. After 3 hours of this breach of my page he stopped. After that I had him come get his stuff and revealed to him that my computer recorded all his activity. This keylogger saved me a lot of time wondering if he was being truthful. When did this become the normal thing to do in so many peoples minds. Its disrespectful, deceitful and dishonest. I don't get it Kurt. I really trusted this guy at first, especially with his profession. How can you tell that a guy is not doing this? PS I reported the pornographic facebook pages.
Posted @ Tuesday, July 31, 2012 3:53 PM by Lisa
Porn is not cheating if you know how to controll it. I thing you can actually enjoy porn with your partner with the apropiate comunication. My girlfriend and I agreed to watch porn togheter a couple of times and it was a good experience. Of course we dont need porn to enjoy sex, it is more like a "sextoy". And i dont feel the need to see porn without her.
Posted @ Friday, August 03, 2012 7:06 PM by Matthew
I found my husband looking at porn and it hurt so bad. It made me hate myself. I use to think so highly of myself. Now I feel like I'm nothing. I ask God to grant me the strength to deal with it but it's hard. I don't get what I did wrong. Am I enough? I don't feel like it anymore. Can someone please tell me how to get over this. I think about it everyday. I can't even enjoy sex anymore. I think the whole time... Is he thinking of me or them. Did I ever even excite him or was it them who did. I just feel lost.
Posted @ Friday, August 10, 2012 10:56 PM by Madyson
I feel u madyson I caught my babydaddy a couple of times with pictures if naked girls that he downloads....and on you tube watching at girls shaking there ass I feel so insecure when before I was not like that...i dont know wat to do either
Posted @ Sunday, August 12, 2012 2:05 PM by PRISCILLA
Lisa, You're right that "Its disrespectful, deceitful and dishonest." How do you tell if a guy is doing this? Just like you did. We need to build honesty into our relationship by using checks and balances and tools like this help us do that. -Kurt
Posted @ Monday, August 13, 2012 8:35 PM by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC
I found porn on my husbands phone and old laptop. All I can say is it makes me feel worthless. I'm sad he'd rather spend time with this disgusting crap than with me. I dont feel like I can enjoy sex with him. I feel like he's always going to compare me to what he views. I'm hurt because I feel betrayed. He rarely initiates sex, I'm guessing he's already satisfied himself. I feel like he's lost his lust for me. He doesn't show any PDA to me he rarely initiates hugs or kisses. He's very distant.
Posted @ Sunday, August 19, 2012 11:12 PM by BP
I do feel porn addiction is in fact a form of cheating. There may not be the physical connection as in an affair, but he is still getting sexual pleasure from watching other women. My husband has an addiction to porn and in the beginning of the relationship I was devastated by this discovery, but it certainly explained a lot. I left him and he got help then I came back and tried being supportive. After 9 yrs. I accidentally discovered he downloaded some free porn on his phone (3 different videos). I was livid at first then hurt because I felt so betrayed and lied to this entire time. We are married now (I thought the issue was resolved) and to be honest, I have a hard time getting over it and don't think our marriage is as healthy or as strong due to all this.
Posted @ Monday, August 20, 2012 5:38 PM by Virginia
I have been with my boyfriend for awhile and we have a 7 month old. He got playboy in the mail which is okay with me, then I discovered him watch hardcore porn. I am not okay with it. I told him how I felt about it and his response was if you don't like it then leave. He said he has been doing this for over 10 years I am really bothered by it and he seems to care less. Please help! :(
Posted @ Tuesday, August 21, 2012 6:41 AM by Ashley
Putting up with someones addiction should not be an option unless they say they want to make a change in their life to be a better person for themselves. I gave my X-boyfriend a choice, me or the internet porn. He thought he could have both and I wouldn't figure it out. Well I did (with the help of keylogger on my computer) and had his things in the hallway as soon as I reviewed the logs on my computer. Value yourself and the answer is obvious.
Posted @ Tuesday, August 21, 2012 1:19 PM by Lisa
i myself think porn is a form of cheating bc if u rather watch porn than get intument with ur wife or girlfriend whats the point of having anyone of them id rather have real sex instead of ejackulating by watching porn
Posted @ Thursday, August 23, 2012 11:53 PM by derrick laduke
O i hate it soo much . I wish i could feel better about it but i cant . I Love my husBand and we have only been married one month 1 month and watch porn . I feel so bad icant even say sometimes makes my what to throwup . And then you wounder why us girls are ether to skinny or to heavy . Am i right or wrong. I dont like this and also makes me want to slap him so much oooh i just HATE It So who ever started makeing porn in the first place need to be talken to lord please help all us girls that are havn trouble with our husbands please o lord Help AMEN 
Posted @ Friday, September 28, 2012 4:37 AM by Wow
Iv been with my boyfriend for almost three years. At the beginng I didn't mind that he looked at porn, but as time went on I became more weary. Iv caught him out many times and everytime he says I won't look at it again, I love you blah blah blah. I HATE porn it is disgusting. I never go on to the computer and pleasure myself over a sexy guy with a huge penis and a ripped body so why should my bf do it? It is cheating and I told him straight up if I catch you again I'm gone. I feel like men won't truly truly be happy unless they have a porno girl as their partner, but realistically they won't get them so they just stick with their security gf. Don't let your man say porn is normal, porn is a choice.
Posted @ Sunday, September 30, 2012 3:25 PM by anna
Iv been with my boyfriend for almost three years. At the beginng I didn't mind that he looked at porn, but as time went on I became more weary. Iv caught him out many times and everytime he says I won't look at it again, I love you blah blah blah. I HATE porn it is disgusting. I never go on to the computer and pleasure myself over a sexy guy with a huge penis and a ripped body so why should my bf do it? It is cheating and I told him straight up if I catch you again I'm gone. I feel like men won't truly truly be happy unless they have a porno girl as their partner, but realistically they won't get them so they just stick with their security gf. Don't let your man say porn is normal, porn is a choice.
Posted @ Sunday, September 30, 2012 3:25 PM by anna
Iv been with my boyfriend for almost three years. At the beginng I didn't mind that he looked at porn, but as time went on I became more weary. Iv caught him out many times and everytime he says I won't look at it again, I love you blah blah blah. I HATE porn it is disgusting. I never go on to the computer and pleasure myself over a sexy guy with a huge penis and a ripped body so why should my bf do it? It is cheating and I told him straight up if I catch you again I'm gone. I feel like men won't truly truly be happy unless they have a porno girl as their partner, but realistically they won't get them so they just stick with their security gf. Don't let your man say porn is normal, porn is a choice.
Posted @ Sunday, September 30, 2012 3:25 PM by anna
I hate porn my bf says its a guy thing and always trys to say I'm not cheating so Fuck off.. its called cheating and disrespectful
Posted @ Friday, October 05, 2012 10:04 PM by miss jones
I found out 2 months ago that my husband of almost 10 years has been looking at internet porn practically every day for the past 7 years even though he knew I was against it. I felt so betrayed I threw him out. We have a 4 year old son so I am trying to make it work for his sake but I can't get over this. I feel like he cheated on me with hundreds of girls and can't get those images out of my head. He says they are not the same images that could be if he was physically with some one.
Posted @ Monday, January 07, 2013 1:39 PM by Laura
My boyfriend and I met onine in 2001. I knew he looked at porn then and it didn't bother me because we lived almost 4000 miles apart. When I moved in, he had a box of Girls gone wild tapes and a few dvds, but I removed them from the home (threw them away) without a second thought. I've been dealing with his porn addition since 2007 even though he refuses to admit that he has a problem. He's always known this was not acceptable to me, and if we were going to be together that it had to stop, but it never does. I even went to the extent of placing a parental monitor on his computer to block porn sites - which worked for about six months and our relationship was AMAZING until we had a knock-down/drag-out and he made me take it off. everything has been downhill since then. I've never been afraid to try new things with him, have never turned him down and have lost so much to be with him, it both hurts and enrages me that he continues to do something he KNOWS will bring an end to our relationship. He says it has nothing to do with me, but unfortunately I feel like it has EVERYTHING to do with me. It makes me feel unwanted, unloved and seriously alone. I may as well be alone. Will I ever find a MAN (not a little boy) that I can enjoy being with??? Are there men that actually exist that don't look at this crap??
Posted @ Friday, January 11, 2013 7:34 PM by alaskagirl
Just had my boyfriend confess to looking at internet porn again.. Caught him doing it in 2007 and after years I finally started to trust him again and thought that everything was going great. We've had our rough times with family issues and finances though it seemed like we were dealing with it all very well. Then all of a sudden I find out that he's been looking at porn again. I feel like I've been cheated and scammed from 5 years of my life.. This isn't worth it, If I had the money me and my girls would be gone. Though needless to say I'm stuck till the time comes that I can get us out of this house and away from him.
Posted @ Saturday, January 12, 2013 12:49 PM by Robin
The comments really helped me. I discovered my boyfriend downloaded a video of young woman (teenager) revealing her privates and of course doing what porn lovers want to see. It was sad to see that he must have wanted to have this girl who is way too young for him. He's 57 and she's what 16 or 18? But I cannot confront him on the topic or he may know that I saw his private actions via his private computer. The only thing for me is that I should close up the shop and he can't shop at my store if he's got freebees somewhere else. You all know what I mean by that analogy, right? But it gives me affirmation that other women have had to deal with this monstrous situation. The future of any relationship with him is shaky as it is so maybe time to think will help me.
Posted @ Saturday, January 26, 2013 11:33 AM by NorthernSky
Porn is cheating if it is done in secret and the person doing it is lying to their partner about it. If the relationship is based on lies, then it is cheating both people in it. Porn is cheating oneself if what that person really wants is a loving relationship with a real person, because porn doesn't deliver that. Porn is cheating a person if love is what they are after. 
 
In contrast, if a person is looking for unlimited fantasy not found in a real life woman, sex that only leads one back to themselves,then the porn user will be very happy and not cheating themselves. This person should be honest with themselves and not lie to a partner about it. 
Partners have a right to be fully informed about the basis of the relationship. A relationship based on lies is a tyranny, not a relationship....
Posted @ Tuesday, February 19, 2013 9:43 AM by Kat
A person has cheated themselves out of a real relationship if they are lying to their partner. What they have is a sham. The partner is having a relationship with a false persona, and the lying partner knows it, so that person has cheated themself of love. The "love" they receive from the partner who is being duped is empty, because deep down the liar knows what's given to them is happening in a sham relationship...Everyone loses out when a person can't stand in integrity with their actions. As soon as truth is on the table, there is a chance for love to manifest, but not before.
Posted @ Tuesday, February 19, 2013 9:49 AM by Kat
I'm leaving my husband because he is addicted to porn. It has caused me to hate him, and I'm a very beautiful woman. It makes me sick, and he makes me sick. It is cheating!!!!!!!
Posted @ Sunday, March 17, 2013 7:52 PM by Jennifer
I caught my husband with a filthy book stashed away a few years ago. It hurt me so very much. I felt worthless and unloved. He apologised and I forgave him. (stupid me) Recently I found horrifc porn pictures on his computer. I feel so dirtly to think that I slept with him while he was thinking about them. I dont know if I can ever trust him. And, YES IT IS CHEATING!!
Posted @ Monday, March 18, 2013 1:59 AM by Mandy
When I first began dating my girlfriend I told her I feel it's wrong to watch porn while official with someone. I didn't watch it the entire time. Recently I found out she was watching it and getting off to it the entire time through her internet history. I'm breaking up with her in a few weeks, yes I have to wait for a specific reason lol. Anyway, I told a few close friends, and they think it's a dumb reason to dump her. But I can't get the images of her getting off to another guy out of my head, that and I was lied to for months.If I'm not enough to satisfy her, she should have the courtesy to dump me. I rather be single than have her get off to other guys behind my back.
Posted @ Thursday, March 21, 2013 1:31 PM by Rick
My husband uses porn daily and lies about it when confronted. But when I come down in the morning the house smells like "..." and so does the kitchen trash. He is clever enough to use private browsing so I don't know what he is looking at, but he must think I am stupid. He spends an hour or so each morning on the computer, but there are only one or two pages in his browsing history. I don't think I really want to know what he is looking at...The last man I checked up on was one sick unit. I think what bothers me the most is that I was very open at the beginning of our relationship that I consider porn cheating...to add insult to injury, I only noticed that he was doing it when I was pregnant (He was really grossed out by my pregnancy/postpregnancy body, I suppose). I am so not a prude, so I can only conclude that he is looking at porn because he would rather be screwing someone else. He probably thinks he is doing me a favor by not actually going out and cheating in person. Then, there is the kick in the face when he pulls a new move in bed and you know where he learned it...and wonder if he is even thinking of you at all...
Posted @ Friday, April 05, 2013 11:24 AM by Dee
Hi, I have great sympathy with all of you. I have been married to a many for many years who I know in the past has looked at porn and at one point it was so upsetting for me that I almost left him. Today having viewed the history on his tablet I discovered 3 sites one of which was a chat site for disgusting girls who have obviously no self respect. Once I confronted him obviously in tears from the hurt and humiliation it was then made out to be my fault as I have driven down his sexual urges over the last few years. Since buying him the tablet which he takes to bed every evening and is on for long after I have gone to sleep our relationship has just been a brother/sister thing. I cannot make him see that this is upsetting however he says every man in the world does it and to get over it and deal with my body image issues which I was unaware I had as I am happy with who i am. Why is this my issue? 
I think our relationship is on its last legs in terms of intimacy but he feels im just looking for excuses to argue, again another deflection. I currently feel worthless as a woman and cannot see a way out!! Any advice out there???? 
Thanks 
Posted @ Saturday, April 27, 2013 11:46 AM by linda jones
@Alaskagirl, YES, there are REAL men out there. My husband is one of them. And he's certain that there are lots of other good men out there too. He figures that the media, Internet, etc., rev up the numbers of perverted guys in studies, articles and blogs to "normalize" the act in order to validate it as being an OK thing to do.  
In actuality, it's completely wrong, UNLESS it's viewed only by both consenting partners and isn't degrading and perverted. 
Anyone who feels uncomfortable in any way with their partner watching porn should not accept it. And I believe that most people are uncomfortable with it. NO aspect of a loving, respectful relationship should cause distress towards either person. If a guy watches porn in secret, knowing the whole time that his partner is offended by it, then he is NOT respecting the relationship, and is technically cheating, because he's doing very inappropriate things behind her back.  
To the men who insist that porn/strippers/various other trash is "normal" or "just a guy thing", you need to wake up. If your lady repeatedly did something to you that she knew upset you, would you just accept it because it's "just a woman thing"? If you answer that question with a "yes", you're allowing yourself to be abused. DELIBERATE HARM TO ANOTHER PERSON IS ABUSE - whether it's physical or not, whether the partner knows or not. Just because your friends do it doesn't mean it's OK. In fact, if they're pressuring you, you need new friends. Grow a pair and be a real man, not some pathetic little boy who believes everything his friends and the media tell him. You know it's wrong, deep down, because otherwise you wouldn't try to hide it. 
To the ladies who know their partners are doing it, setting parental blocks on your Internet and TV is not the answer. YOU ARE NOT HIS MOTHER, AND HE'S NOT A CHILD. He's your partner, your equal, and it's not your job to monitor him like this. You shouldn't have to! If he's a respectful, grown man, he won't engage in that kind of behaviour in the first place. Women who "try to patch things up" despite an ongoing porn issue are ENABLERS. No man is worth keeping if he can't treat you right. You're better off alone than with a creep who just keeps you around for convenience. And believe me, there are PLENTY of men out there who are awesome people and surely the right one will come along for you. Don't let some jerk's porn addiction make you feel as though you're less attractive, wonderful and worthwhile than you really are. Besides, most of the typical porn star types are nasty looking and fake. Nothing beautiful or natural going on there.  
I'm sure there are a few out there who really do have genuine issues and can be great partners once helped, but don't assume your guy is one of them. If he's only willing to change against his will, then he won't really change. He has to want to. 
Porn addiction is one of the worst epidemics in our world today. It ruins countless relationships and creates psychological problems that get passed down to our children. One way to stop the porn epidemic is to stop engaging in relationships with porn addicts. As it loses popularity, it will become less available and less encouraged. 
I'd like to add that although I'm referring to men in this post, I know that problem women exist too...it's just more common of a problem amongst men. Hopefully men with addict wives can find this helpful too.
Posted @ Tuesday, May 07, 2013 10:49 AM by Kathryn
@Linda Jones, it sounds like you're dealing with an abusive man. 
 
"I cannot make him see that this is upsetting however he says every man in the world does it and to get over it and deal with my body image issues which I was unaware I had as I am happy with who i am. Why is this my issue?" 
 
Abuse, as I'm sure you know, comes in many forms,man's psychological abuse is particularly damaging since it is difficult to pinpoint something intangible, and usually involves manipulation.  
 
Your husband has turned his faulty behaviour onto you, and has made you somehow responsible for it. First off, he put the onus on you by suggesting that your supposed defects have forced him into behaving the way he does. You cannot be held responsible for driving down his sexual urges. He only says that to control you by making you feel as though you're not desirable enough. That way he not only has an excuse to treat you like dirt, but he also puts you in a place where psychologically you feel too inadequate to leave him for a better man.  
He uses the false assumption that all men do it. What a joker. Does he know every man in the world? Perhaps he validates his behaviour by going online to sites written by jerks of the same mentality who make similar all-encompassing statements to validate their weakness. Or maybe he listens to his friends and assumes all other men are the same. The term "birds of a feather flock together" comes to mind here. 
He then goes on to suggest that you have psychological issues that need to be dealt with. Somehow you have body image issues because he's perving out online. No! You are a self-respecting woman who doesn't wish to be cheated on in any form. He's the one with the problem.  
The only advice I can give is to get out as fast as you can...but that's only based on something I would do. You have to decide whether it's worth it to be degraded like this in the future because he likely won't change unless he realizes he has a problem and seeks serious help. He's not just cheating on you - he's abusing you on other levels as well. 
Posted @ Tuesday, May 07, 2013 11:51 AM by Kathryn
Referncing the last post, I meant to put in "and" psychological abuse" rather than "man's psychological abuse". Weird....stupid autocorrect!
Posted @ Tuesday, May 07, 2013 11:53 AM by Kathryn
Why do they do it though when they have girlfriends?
Posted @ Wednesday, May 08, 2013 12:26 PM by billie
I recently discovered that my boyfriend of nearly three years was surfing porn on his tablet and his computer. We do live together but our sex life is good so I never even considered he was doing it. I felt betrayed, angry, and cheated on. I run my own business and have a network monitor on my system for work and one day while trouble shooting an issue with the network all these porn sites popped up in the list of ip addresses visited. The times of days were times when he was home alone or times when he went to the restroom and I thought he was using the restroom, not whacking off. 
 
We have a good sex life so initially I was totally pissed that he needed more than me, especially since he has self esteem issues and feels he is "smaller" than everyone else. The day I confronted him I had left the house to go to the store (20 minutes tops) and the minute I walked out he was on his laptop watching. When I walked back in the house, he was freshly showered. I checked my network and there it was. I confronted him and it didn't go well, one because I was angry and hurt and two because once we had talked about it I proceeded to get drunk off my @$$ and be a royal bitch to him. We had a very nasty screaming match where he proceeded to tell me he felt like I was watching him like his ex did (red flag) and that he didn't do it that often (almost daily from what I have seen...??) 
 
The next day I apologized to him for picking the argument, but did let him know that I was highly offended due to my own personal demons. As long as he is not chatting or emailing other women or using his webcam or phone cam, etc., I will just have to figure out how to harness this hobby he has for our benefit :) I explained that what he had done could very well endanger my business and told him he could stop doing that on our internet or I would get my own internet service.  
 
Since then (its only been a few days) I have watched a movie with him and he seemed to really like that. I offered to get the adult channels on our TV, anything to keep him from surfing porn and possibly making contact with a live person and putting his job and my business at risk. I realize that the initial way I handled it was totally wrong, but I was so mad and felt betrayed. I am a very hot middle aged woman, and we have a very good sex life but it still made me feel inadequate and I pounced on him like the lioness I am. He is not as affectionate as he used to be and he totally stopped kissing me intimately over a year ago. I put that together with what I discovered and it brought everything to a head. 
 
For those who have had this happen before, how do you move forward and cultivate the relationship? What in the world can I say or do to make up for how I reacted and how much of a bitch I was about it all? I would prefer obviously that I was his porn but I seriously do not know where to go from here on handling the situation. He is not much of a communicator, preferring to walk away instead of discussing things. Us women tend to blow everything out of proportion and make it all about us when its not. I do not want to lose my relationship due to this. Help...
Posted @ Friday, August 09, 2013 12:42 PM by hot45
I never knew this was so big... I'm starting to ..hate all.men. I have been married more than one time...3yrs ago I re-married. We were the perfect pair. He spoiled me rotten. Right after we married I found out he had viewed pornography and he made excuses stating it was just because I had not been with him all the time..so I let it go. Then around 1 1/2 yrs later I discovered he had been viewing again he promised never to do again and has always denied viewing again. I often felt like he was looking at younger ladies but rebuked myself for being so hard. We are middle aged and im not bragging but i try to take care of myself...wt is 107 and 5'. ..everyone says i look great for my age..Then recently about 6 months later ...I got up one night to see if he had fallen asleep in his chair...I was not quiet...I was not trying to catch him but when I went in sure enough.... Porn. I feel ugly and not good enough. Once again he says he will change. Long story but at my age I just cant walk out and don't have the funds to do so. I feel used and trapped and have no confidence he will change. I do love him, but when is enough enough?
Posted @ Monday, August 12, 2013 6:09 PM by bsmith
I never knew this was so big... I'm starting to ..hate all.men. I have been married more than one time...3yrs ago I re-married. We were the perfect pair. He spoiled me rotten. Right after we married I found out he had viewed pornography and he made excuses stating it was just because I had not been with him all the time..so I let it go. Then around 1 1/2 yrs later I discovered he had been viewing again he promised never to do again and has always denied viewing again. I often felt like he was looking at younger ladies but rebuked myself for being so hard. We are middle aged and im not bragging but i try to take care of myself...wt is 107 and 5'. ..everyone says i look great for my age..Then recently about 6 months later ...I got up one night to see if he had fallen asleep in his chair...I was not quiet...I was not trying to catch him but when I went in sure enough.... Porn. I feel ugly and not good enough. Once again he says he will change. Long story but at my age I just cant walk out and don't have the funds to do so. I feel used and trapped and have no confidence he will change. I do love him, but when is enough enough?
Posted @ Monday, August 12, 2013 6:15 PM by georgia
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we are currently living together. I found out a few months ago that when I leave for work he watches porn. Because he sneaks to do and waits for me to leave it feels very much like cheating. When I confronted him he said I was a prude and that he is a grown man and likes it. At first he tried to lie his way out of it but now that he know I know it has been like a free pass to watch all he wants. I no longer enjoy sex with him and think less of him of a man. I love him but not sure how I can ever respect him. Would love to know how others have learned to live with this behavior or is it better to just end it now.
Posted @ Tuesday, August 20, 2013 10:04 PM by Cathy
I have not long ago had my first child with my husband of 2 years. My body has not gone back to how it was before i got pregnant so i am a little bit concious which he knows. I keep finding porn videos he is downloading and it really hurts me to the point i cant stand him touching me. The thought of sex with him makes me feel sick. I cant get over it and i am leaving then he can watch as muchporn as he likes. It is cheating, its disrespectful, its degrading and its hurtfull. Im worth more than him makin me feel this way.
Posted @ Monday, September 16, 2013 12:15 AM by k
Kathryn, thank you for your post. Tonight more than any night in the last twenty years of marriage do I need to read this. Thank you. If for no one else . For me.
Posted @ Monday, September 16, 2013 3:19 AM by E
Unfortunately as we move up the evolutionary scale some are still left behind and stuck in the pond scum region of their brain (or between their legs). Leave those behind in the tar pits and find men that are more evolved and that have control and take full responsibility of their own behaviors. No excuse acceptable.(ex: I am just a man, every one does it) That's my 2 cents Kurt. Have a great day.
Posted @ Tuesday, September 17, 2013 1:44 PM by Lisa
If your man was satisfied with his intimacy with you, then he wouldn't need to watch porn. 
 
Look at your self and how you can step it up in the bedroom to please your man.
Posted @ Wednesday, October 30, 2013 7:06 AM by The Dude
This is in response to The Dude (lol) What if you do everything and anything he could possibly want but he can't even get an erection because he's masturbated so much...even the first time.
Posted @ Wednesday, October 30, 2013 9:05 AM by Virginia
@Kathryn - you nailed it. I have been married for 15 years - & just recently found a porn video on my husband's phone. I was floored! I never in a million years thought he was this way. I told him I was going through his laptop - and found the dates he had been on porn sites & the times. It was when I was working 16 hour shifts, and when I took the kids to their activities - and he was all alone. He tells me he has always looked at it since he was 13 & it is always at the construction site where he is among men.So I guess it makes it OK? It is cheating. I am seeking the counsel of a priest, as well as a counselor so I can stay sane for a few more years until the youngest is in college - then I am calling it quits. It is disrespectful & hurtful to say the least. I am so angry I cannot see straight. He watched porn while I was asleep in bed - exhausted from working a double shift, while the kids where doing homework, and mosthurtful - the night before our anniversary!What a pig!
Posted @ Friday, November 01, 2013 4:25 PM by Helen
I would like to know if there are any men out there who have experienced what women have and how they felt. I am talking about the type of porn where it's all about the male's good looks etc, not what he is doing? 
Posted @ Thursday, November 21, 2013 8:10 PM by Bonnie
I've been with my partner for 10 years and in 2012 I seen on his phone that he had watch porn. We had a massive argument as I wasn't happy and he promised never to do it again. Well I found it again in 2013. I was devastated, and still am. We split up but after a few months we got back together. But I'm not 100% into the relationship anymore. I don't trust him and I don't enjoy sex with him either. I worry what he's actually thinking about. I just don't feel like I can ever get over this. :( and I have 2 beautiful little girls with him.
Posted @ Wednesday, February 12, 2014 9:38 AM by Sioned
Looking at all these comments and knowledge of what porn can do to a relationship I have come to the conclusion that porn is the cancer of relationships. It silent but can kill a relationship. Going to porn is avoiding real problems in a relationship. With some it might be a tool if both agree on using it. I don't have issue with that other than keeping the sex trade operation fat and happy. That's a whole another issue. We ban lots of things because of their unfair practices but we don't think about that because it's a very selfish mode of entertainment. Sad but true some people still need to evolve and crawl out of the primordial ouz that they are dwelling in. Hi Kurt.
Posted @ Wednesday, February 12, 2014 1:01 PM by Lisa
Ok so my husband went to a sex therapist for awhile and I guess it helped, but how do I know he's not doing it anymore? I mean it's become so uncomfortable watching t.v. anymore because every time a Victoria's Secret Commercial, and show or movie with nudity and sex is on, I get tense and he turns away if we're together, but the minute he thinks I'm not looking, he watches. I didn't realize commercials could arouse someone so much.
Posted @ Friday, March 07, 2014 5:58 PM by Virginia
My boyfriend watches porn everyday before he gets in the shower, he tells me it's a guy thing and that it's just a normal thing to men. I told him that I feel like it's direspecting me and insulting me as a women as if I'm not good enough for him, and he says I am and he rather have sex with me but when I'm not that he does it, so he says. Then the other night I got really upset about it and he said I won't watch it anymore I promise ( only telling me what I want to here ) come to find out the next day he watched it again then tried to delete the history from the iPod so I couldn't see he was watching it, I then asked and he lied, later on I found out the truth but he said I'm gunna watch it your gunna have to get over it an get use to it cause I'm not gunna stop.. I feel like I'm not good enough for him, I just don't understand why he likes watching it all the time, I feel like him watching another girl naked is cheating, and if he wants to see someone naked why not it be me ya know? This bothers me a lot and I dunno how to handle it anymore! Does anyone have any suggestions ? Please
Posted @ Tuesday, March 11, 2014 7:43 PM by Theresa
@Theresa - I know how you feel - I've been there. YES IT IS CHEATING! How would he like it if you did the exact same thing to him? It is an insult & disrespectful - and NO it is NOT a "guy thing". You are much to valuable to have to tolerate that. He needs to prove real change & not just mouthing it off to get you off his back. There is a 12-step program to address porn addiction, much like AA. Yes it is an addiction, and like any addictions, he will need help on it. The decision for you is whether you are willing to see this through with him or not.  
 
 
@The Dude - REALLY??? Step it up in the bedroom to keep the man from straying???? SERIOUSLY?!?! 
What about decency, respect and mutual pleasure rather than being selfish and acting like an animal? Has that even occured to you? If not, then your parents didn't raise you right!  
 
Even if the woman was not pleasing you enough - that DOES NOT GIVE YOU A LICENSE to CHEAT & watch porn! It would be in your best interest, as well as your partner if you were honest and told her the truth. Give her the choice to either please you or DUMP you. That my friend is mutual respect.
Posted @ Wednesday, March 12, 2014 9:19 AM by Maria
My partner of over six years has a huge collection of porn videos, as well as an extensive collection of bookmarks on his computer. He's had a collection since before we were together, that's grown over our time together. Many of the videos and bookmarked files are labeled "Classic!" and "Great!", some with explicit reasons why which I won't go into here... suffice it to say that it hurts me because these things are "great" because the women are either being completely degraded or are nothing at all like me. 
 
We have never had sex. Not once in all the years we've been together. He has to make an "appointment" with me to lie in bed naked, and that's only happened twice that I can think of and with all the lights out. He insists he can't help it, he can't help what he's attracted to (and not) -- I just happen to be a really good person who he's not attracted to. 
 
He visits his videos and favorite websites pretty much every chance he gets when I'm not home as far as I can tell, and he's often looking when I am home -- I know by the look on his face and how he won't take his eyes off the screen when I'm talking to him, that he's deeply enraptured with what he sees. I know he's not deeply enrapture with me. 
 
It makes me sad and sick inside that he labels women like that, that he categorizes them -- he's even called porn nothing but body parts and laughs at me when I try to tell him how it hurts me. I've all but given up now. He even told me just yesterday that, in the past, I've been so "infuriating" that he had to hold back from becoming physical with me. That was from me daring to tell him how his porn viewing makes me feel. 
 
Yes, I should get out. It's abuse, isn't it? If I don't, I'm enabling him to continue doing something that is destroying our relationship and has really already destroyed my love and respect for him. So why am I having such a hard time leaving? What is it in me that makes me stay with a man who labels naked pictures of young women, women young enough to be our granddaughters, as "classic" and "great!" I feel like I'm living in a house with hundreds of other women every minute of my life...
Posted @ Tuesday, March 25, 2014 5:28 PM by Dee
My boyfriend watched porn all the time while at work on slow days. I have tried to tell him it bothers me and he says he won't do it again. Two days later he is looking again. I feel like I'm nothing to him because we use to have sex almost everyday now it might be once a week. I have even sent him pics and even videos of my self. ( something I have only done for him) and still he comes home and I try to pursue him ands he turns me down. I never turn him down. I don't know wat to do.I feel as if this doesn't stop we aren't going to be in a relationship anymore
Posted @ Friday, April 11, 2014 6:33 PM by catherine
No retard! You're the dumbass! You are a MAN - no doubt! You have no damn clue! It's all about you and your one-eyed viper isn't it? Men are animals - plain and simple!Grow up! It's not a stupid article. You are STUPID!
Posted @ Monday, April 14, 2014 7:27 AM by h
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