I have been with my husband for 23 years. We have 3 near grown children. He started watching "porn" at 12 on cable...I knew we had a problem when he would turn to porn after a fight. He would spend money on porn instead of diapers. He would look for it in all forms. My kids would find it. It changed him. I told him it needed to stop as it was escalating. That was 10 years ago.2 years ago, my daughter caught him on the web cam with a chat site "girl" from another country. It had gone on for months and he was now talking to her on her personal time. It became an affair on the internet. I was devastated. It is actually what brought me to this site. It took 6 months and a separation for him to cut it off and for US to get help. It is an addiction! We live with it every day. Porn is not welcome in this home ever again. We are doing very well now and or marriage is wonderful.(we both got help). I learned to create deal breakers and this is the big one! Lat year we took our first "Just Us" trip in 23 years. We are healing. I am still healing. He is healing. It is an addiction. Fast, easy and emotion free because I never was!!! For the first time, we have a loving marriage that is porn free. It can be done.

Angie, Congratulations to both of you. Awesome story! It's a hard road but it can be done. Thanks for sharing and giving hope to others. -Kurt

I found my boyfriend of 6 months taking care of himself on the computer with porn. I discussed this with him and said it is not acceptable on my computer in my house. He wanted to change and chose me over the internet. I put a free trial offer for a keylogger on my computer and one week later he was on my facebook page for 3 hours searching for women that did not protect their pictures. Some were pornography. Some were very young women. After 3 hours of this breach of my page he stopped. After that I had him come get his stuff and revealed to him that my computer recorded all his activity. This keylogger saved me a lot of time wondering if he was being truthful. When did this become the normal thing to do in so many peoples minds. Its disrespectful, deceitful and dishonest. I don't get it Kurt. I really trusted this guy at first, especially with his profession. How can you tell that a guy is not doing this? PS I reported the pornographic facebook pages.

Porn is not cheating if you know how to controll it. I thing you can actually enjoy porn with your partner with the apropiate comunication. My girlfriend and I agreed to watch porn togheter a couple of times and it was a good experience. Of course we dont need porn to enjoy sex, it is more like a "sextoy". And i dont feel the need to see porn without her.

I found my husband looking at porn and it hurt so bad. It made me hate myself. I use to think so highly of myself. Now I feel like I'm nothing. I ask God to grant me the strength to deal with it but it's hard. I don't get what I did wrong. Am I enough? I don't feel like it anymore. Can someone please tell me how to get over this. I think about it everyday. I can't even enjoy sex anymore. I think the whole time... Is he thinking of me or them. Did I ever even excite him or was it them who did. I just feel lost.

I feel u madyson I caught my babydaddy a couple of times with pictures if naked girls that he downloads....and on you tube watching at girls shaking there ass I feel so insecure when before I was not like that...i dont know wat to do either

Lisa, You're right that "Its disrespectful, deceitful and dishonest." How do you tell if a guy is doing this? Just like you did. We need to build honesty into our relationship by using checks and balances and tools like this help us do that. -Kurt

I found porn on my husbands phone and old laptop. All I can say is it makes me feel worthless. I'm sad he'd rather spend time with this disgusting crap than with me. I dont feel like I can enjoy sex with him. I feel like he's always going to compare me to what he views. I'm hurt because I feel betrayed. He rarely initiates sex, I'm guessing he's already satisfied himself. I feel like he's lost his lust for me. He doesn't show any PDA to me he rarely initiates hugs or kisses. He's very distant.

I do feel porn addiction is in fact a form of cheating. There may not be the physical connection as in an affair, but he is still getting sexual pleasure from watching other women. My husband has an addiction to porn and in the beginning of the relationship I was devastated by this discovery, but it certainly explained a lot. I left him and he got help then I came back and tried being supportive. After 9 yrs. I accidentally discovered he downloaded some free porn on his phone (3 different videos). I was livid at first then hurt because I felt so betrayed and lied to this entire time. We are married now (I thought the issue was resolved) and to be honest, I have a hard time getting over it and don't think our marriage is as healthy or as strong due to all this.

I have been with my boyfriend for awhile and we have a 7 month old. He got playboy in the mail which is okay with me, then I discovered him watch hardcore porn. I am not okay with it. I told him how I felt about it and his response was if you don't like it then leave. He said he has been doing this for over 10 years I am really bothered by it and he seems to care less. Please help! :(

Putting up with someones addiction should not be an option unless they say they want to make a change in their life to be a better person for themselves. I gave my X-boyfriend a choice, me or the internet porn. He thought he could have both and I wouldn't figure it out. Well I did (with the help of keylogger on my computer) and had his things in the hallway as soon as I reviewed the logs on my computer. Value yourself and the answer is obvious.

i myself think porn is a form of cheating bc if u rather watch porn than get intument with ur wife or girlfriend whats the point of having anyone of them id rather have real sex instead of ejackulating by watching porn

O i hate it soo much . I wish i could feel better about it but i cant . I Love my husBand and we have only been married one month 1 month and watch porn . I feel so bad icant even say sometimes makes my what to throwup . And then you wounder why us girls are ether to skinny or to heavy . Am i right or wrong. I dont like this and also makes me want to slap him so much oooh i just HATE It So who ever started makeing porn in the first place need to be talken to lord please help all us girls that are havn trouble with our husbands please o lord Help AMEN 

Iv been with my boyfriend for almost three years. At the beginng I didn't mind that he looked at porn, but as time went on I became more weary. Iv caught him out many times and everytime he says I won't look at it again, I love you blah blah blah. I HATE porn it is disgusting. I never go on to the computer and pleasure myself over a sexy guy with a huge penis and a ripped body so why should my bf do it? It is cheating and I told him straight up if I catch you again I'm gone. I feel like men won't truly truly be happy unless they have a porno girl as their partner, but realistically they won't get them so they just stick with their security gf. Don't let your man say porn is normal, porn is a choice.

Iv been with my boyfriend for almost three years. At the beginng I didn't mind that he looked at porn, but as time went on I became more weary. Iv caught him out many times and everytime he says I won't look at it again, I love you blah blah blah. I HATE porn it is disgusting. I never go on to the computer and pleasure myself over a sexy guy with a huge penis and a ripped body so why should my bf do it? It is cheating and I told him straight up if I catch you again I'm gone. I feel like men won't truly truly be happy unless they have a porno girl as their partner, but realistically they won't get them so they just stick with their security gf. Don't let your man say porn is normal, porn is a choice.

Iv been with my boyfriend for almost three years. At the beginng I didn't mind that he looked at porn, but as time went on I became more weary. Iv caught him out many times and everytime he says I won't look at it again, I love you blah blah blah. I HATE porn it is disgusting. I never go on to the computer and pleasure myself over a sexy guy with a huge penis and a ripped body so why should my bf do it? It is cheating and I told him straight up if I catch you again I'm gone. I feel like men won't truly truly be happy unless they have a porno girl as their partner, but realistically they won't get them so they just stick with their security gf. Don't let your man say porn is normal, porn is a choice.

I hate porn my bf says its a guy thing and always trys to say I'm not cheating so Fuck off.. its called cheating and disrespectful

I found out 2 months ago that my husband of almost 10 years has been looking at internet porn practically every day for the past 7 years even though he knew I was against it. I felt so betrayed I threw him out. We have a 4 year old son so I am trying to make it work for his sake but I can't get over this. I feel like he cheated on me with hundreds of girls and can't get those images out of my head. He says they are not the same images that could be if he was physically with some one.

My boyfriend and I met onine in 2001. I knew he looked at porn then and it didn't bother me because we lived almost 4000 miles apart. When I moved in, he had a box of Girls gone wild tapes and a few dvds, but I removed them from the home (threw them away) without a second thought. I've been dealing with his porn addition since 2007 even though he refuses to admit that he has a problem. He's always known this was not acceptable to me, and if we were going to be together that it had to stop, but it never does. I even went to the extent of placing a parental monitor on his computer to block porn sites - which worked for about six months and our relationship was AMAZING until we had a knock-down/drag-out and he made me take it off. everything has been downhill since then. I've never been afraid to try new things with him, have never turned him down and have lost so much to be with him, it both hurts and enrages me that he continues to do something he KNOWS will bring an end to our relationship. He says it has nothing to do with me, but unfortunately I feel like it has EVERYTHING to do with me. It makes me feel unwanted, unloved and seriously alone. I may as well be alone. Will I ever find a MAN (not a little boy) that I can enjoy being with??? Are there men that actually exist that don't look at this crap??

Just had my boyfriend confess to looking at internet porn again.. Caught him doing it in 2007 and after years I finally started to trust him again and thought that everything was going great. We've had our rough times with family issues and finances though it seemed like we were dealing with it all very well. Then all of a sudden I find out that he's been looking at porn again. I feel like I've been cheated and scammed from 5 years of my life.. This isn't worth it, If I had the money me and my girls would be gone. Though needless to say I'm stuck till the time comes that I can get us out of this house and away from him.

The comments really helped me. I discovered my boyfriend downloaded a video of young woman (teenager) revealing her privates and of course doing what porn lovers want to see. It was sad to see that he must have wanted to have this girl who is way too young for him. He's 57 and she's what 16 or 18? But I cannot confront him on the topic or he may know that I saw his private actions via his private computer. The only thing for me is that I should close up the shop and he can't shop at my store if he's got freebees somewhere else. You all know what I mean by that analogy, right? But it gives me affirmation that other women have had to deal with this monstrous situation. The future of any relationship with him is shaky as it is so maybe time to think will help me.

Porn is cheating if it is done in secret and the person doing it is lying to their partner about it. If the relationship is based on lies, then it is cheating both people in it. Porn is cheating oneself if what that person really wants is a loving relationship with a real person, because porn doesn't deliver that. Porn is cheating a person if love is what they are after. 
 
In contrast, if a person is looking for unlimited fantasy not found in a real life woman, sex that only leads one back to themselves,then the porn user will be very happy and not cheating themselves. This person should be honest with themselves and not lie to a partner about it. 
Partners have a right to be fully informed about the basis of the relationship. A relationship based on lies is a tyranny, not a relationship....

A person has cheated themselves out of a real relationship if they are lying to their partner. What they have is a sham. The partner is having a relationship with a false persona, and the lying partner knows it, so that person has cheated themself of love. The "love" they receive from the partner who is being duped is empty, because deep down the liar knows what's given to them is happening in a sham relationship...Everyone loses out when a person can't stand in integrity with their actions. As soon as truth is on the table, there is a chance for love to manifest, but not before.

I'm leaving my husband because he is addicted to porn. It has caused me to hate him, and I'm a very beautiful woman. It makes me sick, and he makes me sick. It is cheating!!!!!!!

I caught my husband with a filthy book stashed away a few years ago. It hurt me so very much. I felt worthless and unloved. He apologised and I forgave him. (stupid me) Recently I found horrifc porn pictures on his computer. I feel so dirtly to think that I slept with him while he was thinking about them. I dont know if I can ever trust him. And, YES IT IS CHEATING!!

When I first began dating my girlfriend I told her I feel it's wrong to watch porn while official with someone. I didn't watch it the entire time. Recently I found out she was watching it and getting off to it the entire time through her internet history. I'm breaking up with her in a few weeks, yes I have to wait for a specific reason lol. Anyway, I told a few close friends, and they think it's a dumb reason to dump her. But I can't get the images of her getting off to another guy out of my head, that and I was lied to for months.If I'm not enough to satisfy her, she should have the courtesy to dump me. I rather be single than have her get off to other guys behind my back.

My husband uses porn daily and lies about it when confronted. But when I come down in the morning the house smells like "..." and so does the kitchen trash. He is clever enough to use private browsing so I don't know what he is looking at, but he must think I am stupid. He spends an hour or so each morning on the computer, but there are only one or two pages in his browsing history. I don't think I really want to know what he is looking at...The last man I checked up on was one sick unit. I think what bothers me the most is that I was very open at the beginning of our relationship that I consider porn cheating...to add insult to injury, I only noticed that he was doing it when I was pregnant (He was really grossed out by my pregnancy/postpregnancy body, I suppose). I am so not a prude, so I can only conclude that he is looking at porn because he would rather be screwing someone else. He probably thinks he is doing me a favor by not actually going out and cheating in person. Then, there is the kick in the face when he pulls a new move in bed and you know where he learned it...and wonder if he is even thinking of you at all...

Hi, I have great sympathy with all of you. I have been married to a many for many years who I know in the past has looked at porn and at one point it was so upsetting for me that I almost left him. Today having viewed the history on his tablet I discovered 3 sites one of which was a chat site for disgusting girls who have obviously no self respect. Once I confronted him obviously in tears from the hurt and humiliation it was then made out to be my fault as I have driven down his sexual urges over the last few years. Since buying him the tablet which he takes to bed every evening and is on for long after I have gone to sleep our relationship has just been a brother/sister thing. I cannot make him see that this is upsetting however he says every man in the world does it and to get over it and deal with my body image issues which I was unaware I had as I am happy with who i am. Why is this my issue? 
I think our relationship is on its last legs in terms of intimacy but he feels im just looking for excuses to argue, again another deflection. I currently feel worthless as a woman and cannot see a way out!! Any advice out there???? 
Thanks 

@Alaskagirl, YES, there are REAL men out there. My husband is one of them. And he's certain that there are lots of other good men out there too. He figures that the media, Internet, etc., rev up the numbers of perverted guys in studies, articles and blogs to "normalize" the act in order to validate it as being an OK thing to do.  
In actuality, it's completely wrong, UNLESS it's viewed only by both consenting partners and isn't degrading and perverted. 
Anyone who feels uncomfortable in any way with their partner watching porn should not accept it. And I believe that most people are uncomfortable with it. NO aspect of a loving, respectful relationship should cause distress towards either person. If a guy watches porn in secret, knowing the whole time that his partner is offended by it, then he is NOT respecting the relationship, and is technically cheating, because he's doing very inappropriate things behind her back.  
To the men who insist that porn/strippers/various other trash is "normal" or "just a guy thing", you need to wake up. If your lady repeatedly did something to you that she knew upset you, would you just accept it because it's "just a woman thing"? If you answer that question with a "yes", you're allowing yourself to be abused. DELIBERATE HARM TO ANOTHER PERSON IS ABUSE - whether it's physical or not, whether the partner knows or not. Just because your friends do it doesn't mean it's OK. In fact, if they're pressuring you, you need new friends. Grow a pair and be a real man, not some pathetic little boy who believes everything his friends and the media tell him. You know it's wrong, deep down, because otherwise you wouldn't try to hide it. 
To the ladies who know their partners are doing it, setting parental blocks on your Internet and TV is not the answer. YOU ARE NOT HIS MOTHER, AND HE'S NOT A CHILD. He's your partner, your equal, and it's not your job to monitor him like this. You shouldn't have to! If he's a respectful, grown man, he won't engage in that kind of behaviour in the first place. Women who "try to patch things up" despite an ongoing porn issue are ENABLERS. No man is worth keeping if he can't treat you right. You're better off alone than with a creep who just keeps you around for convenience. And believe me, there are PLENTY of men out there who are awesome people and surely the right one will come along for you. Don't let some jerk's porn addiction make you feel as though you're less attractive, wonderful and worthwhile than you really are. Besides, most of the typical porn star types are nasty looking and fake. Nothing beautiful or natural going on there.  
I'm sure there are a few out there who really do have genuine issues and can be great partners once helped, but don't assume your guy is one of them. If he's only willing to change against his will, then he won't really change. He has to want to. 
Porn addiction is one of the worst epidemics in our world today. It ruins countless relationships and creates psychological problems that get passed down to our children. One way to stop the porn epidemic is to stop engaging in relationships with porn addicts. As it loses popularity, it will become less available and less encouraged. 
I'd like to add that although I'm referring to men in this post, I know that problem women exist too...it's just more common of a problem amongst men. Hopefully men with addict wives can find this helpful too.

@Linda Jones, it sounds like you're dealing with an abusive man. 
 
"I cannot make him see that this is upsetting however he says every man in the world does it and to get over it and deal with my body image issues which I was unaware I had as I am happy with who i am. Why is this my issue?" 
 
Abuse, as I'm sure you know, comes in many forms,man's psychological abuse is particularly damaging since it is difficult to pinpoint something intangible, and usually involves manipulation.  
 
Your husband has turned his faulty behaviour onto you, and has made you somehow responsible for it. First off, he put the onus on you by suggesting that your supposed defects have forced him into behaving the way he does. You cannot be held responsible for driving down his sexual urges. He only says that to control you by making you feel as though you're not desirable enough. That way he not only has an excuse to treat you like dirt, but he also puts you in a place where psychologically you feel too inadequate to leave him for a better man.  
He uses the false assumption that all men do it. What a joker. Does he know every man in the world? Perhaps he validates his behaviour by going online to sites written by jerks of the same mentality who make similar all-encompassing statements to validate their weakness. Or maybe he listens to his friends and assumes all other men are the same. The term "birds of a feather flock together" comes to mind here. 
He then goes on to suggest that you have psychological issues that need to be dealt with. Somehow you have body image issues because he's perving out online. No! You are a self-respecting woman who doesn't wish to be cheated on in any form. He's the one with the problem.  
The only advice I can give is to get out as fast as you can...but that's only based on something I would do. You have to decide whether it's worth it to be degraded like this in the future because he likely won't change unless he realizes he has a problem and seeks serious help. He's not just cheating on you - he's abusing you on other levels as well. 

Referncing the last post, I meant to put in "and" psychological abuse" rather than "man's psychological abuse". Weird....stupid autocorrect!

Why do they do it though when they have girlfriends?