See What You Need To Know About Menopause Divorce

couple-struggling-with-divorce-during-menopause

4 Min Read

Contents

The Menopause Divorce Phenomenon
Primary Factors That Contribute To Divorce During Menopause
Takeaways Regarding Menopause Divorce
FAQs

Menopause can be times of dramatic physical and emotional changes for women. While the physical and biological changes are fairly universal for all women, the emotional upheaval can vary greatly from woman to woman.

However, women who are most heavily affected can experience shifts in self-identity, changes in temperament, and a complete realignment in priorities. Although these changes aren’t necessarily negative, sometimes they spark a desire to make big life decisions like getting a divorce.

But does a menopause divorce reflect a genuine change of heart and enough self-awareness to finally make long-desired changes, or is it an action more influenced by middle age and fluctuating hormones?

It’s a dicey and controversial question to consider, but one that’s worth thinking about if you’re a woman contemplating getting a menopause divorce, or a man facing one.

Note: Menopause is often used as a catchall term for the biological changes occurring in a woman toward the end of her childbearing years. But these changes occur in phases. To understand more, check out this article explaining the difference between perimenopause and menopause, and their influence on emotions.

The Menopause Divorce Phenomenon

While divorce can happen at any age, there’s a well-documented phenomenon referred to as gray divorce that describes a spike in divorce rates among couples over 50.

Are these divorces when initiated by women a result of menopause?

Before answering that question, let’s consider what else typically happens during that time.

During the younger years, women (and men) are really busy.

Kids
Careers
Family

All take up a significant amount of emotional and mental energy.

Divorce during those years can be incredibly jarring and create serious emotional and financial hardships.

Fast forward to the middle years of life, when children have grown, retirement looms, and the marital relationship and its flaws come back into focus. Problems that were ignored for years because there was too much else going on to think about are now clearly on the radar screen.

This isn’t because of menopause specifically, but the timing does overlap.

That’s not the only contributor to divorces during menopause, however.

Dr. Kurt works with couples contemplating divorce or going through divorce daily. It isn’t uncommon for the woman in the relationship to be dealing with perimenopause or menopause. In fact, some partners flat out blame the hormones for the divorce.

When asked to comment on the phenomenon, Dr. Kurt had this to offer,

Menopause is a big unknown for most men – that may be true for women too. I think for us guys we just think that's when PMS goes away and so it must be a good thing – for both us and our partners. What we're blind to is that there are other things that can come along with it that can cause turmoil, not the relief we expect. Menopause divorce is one of them that we may never see coming."

Primary Factors That Contribute To Divorce During Menopause

No matter when and how it occurs, divorce is complicated. There isn’t a formula that says that in all cases, factor a + factor b = divorce.

But in the case of divorce during the perimenopause and menopause years, there are some common factors.

Marital Reawakening

Sounds positive, doesn’t it?

Indeed, a marital reawakening can be very positive under the right circumstances. Rediscovering each other after all the crazy busy schedules have calmed down could be romantic and fun.

Or, it could be just the opposite.

If, over the years, you’ve,

Allowed yourselves to grow apart
Forgotten how to communicate
Lost the connection to each other you once had

There are no longer any distractions masking that.

Too many couples assume that the way they feel when they marry will just continue until death do you part unaided, but that’s not how it works.

Because of that, in the middle of life, many find that they’ve neglected their relationship so long they’re now effectively married to a stranger. And perhaps that’s not a stranger they like very much.

Increasingly, the cumulative effect of neglected issues feels too great to reverse and results in a divorce that happens to occur during the menopausal years.

Self-Rediscovery

For some women, especially those who haven’t allowed any time for themselves as they’ve cared for children, husbands, and households, menopause can trigger reflection that makes them begin to rethink their current circumstances.

They may start to ask themselves questions like,

Remember that girl I used to be, am I still her?
Am I someone else now?
Do I like who I’ve become?
What are the things I like?
What do I want?
What does all this mean for my current relationship?

This can be a wonderful time of exploration and self-growth. But if a husband doesn’t support it, show interest, or want be part of new adventures, a woman may lose patience and feel the need to make larger changes that can lead to initiating divorce.

Shifting Priorities and Midlife Transition

It’s natural for both men and women to rethink priorities during these years. Midlife transition is quite normal and healthy.

However, that doesn’t mean that a husband and wife will have the same views on the new priorities during these transitions.

Divergence in values, desires, and ideas on how to spend the remainder of your lives can lead to a so-called menopause divorce.

It’s worth noting that none of these factors are synonymous with a midlife crisis. But that doesn’t mean a midlife crisis may not occur during these years, either separately or simultaneously.

These links will help you learn more about midlife crises, specifically midlife crises in women.

Takeaways Regarding Menopause Divorce

While menopause may cause a variety of physical changes in a woman, it doesn’t cause divorce. But it can influence it, sometimes greatly.

More likely, it’s part of what’s occurring during the time of life that women in particular consider divorce, hence the term ’menopause divorce’.

If you’re considering getting divorced during these years, remember,

Change and self-discovery during this time are natural and often positive. It’s okay to embrace those changes.
Change doesn’t have to mean divorce. It’s never too late to make an effort to overcome the marital issues that have gone unaddressed for years.
Working together, you and your spouse can very possibly find a way back to each other.

Menopause and change are a hand-in-glove relationship, but menopause and divorce don’t have to be synonymous.