‘Til Menopause Do We Part? How To Prevent A Divorce During Menopause

couple-trying-to-stop-menopause-divorce

3 Min Read

Contents

How Do I Prevent A Divorce During The Menopause Years?
Takeaways About Preventing A Menopause Divorce
FAQs

The midlife years can feel chaotic for many couples. Everyone seems to know someone who’s getting divorced or going through a crisis, or both.

It can make people feel like these uncomfortable and damaging changes are inevitable.

The truth is that some are and some aren’t.

For instance, a woman going through menopause is inevitable, but getting a divorce during menopause is not.

But because divorce during these years seems more prevalent than other times it can make people wonder if going through menopause and the hormonal changes that occur during this time make a woman more inclined to divorce?

No, not as a single factor.

A menopause divorce is more accurately defined as a response to preexisting issues within a relationship that are finally coming to the surface at the same time as the natural biological changes occurring those years of life.

How Do I Prevent A Divorce During The Menopause Years?

For those worried that a divorce during midlife is a given, there’s good news – it’s not.

In many cases, these divorces can be prevented with the right efforts. The caveat, however, is that these efforts need to be made by both of you to be effective.

You each need to,

Communicate

You may be rusty, but it’s never too late to communicate. You’ve spent many years together, so before you divorce, take the time to really work at communication and see where it takes you.

As long as you’re both on the same page, you’ll likely make some positive headway in reconnecting. You've just got to force yourselves to try. However, if effort isn't enough or you just don't have any left, then find an experienced couples counselor to help get you unstuck.

Dr. Kurt wanted to add this,

I work with partners all the time who can't even agree on whether their communication is good or bad. Here's how to tell – if you don't feel you're consistently heard, understood, respected, and cared about through your communication with your partner, then your communication can get better (and you should make sure it does)."

Focus on each other

It may seem like all you’ve done is focus on other people, and now you’re ready to focus on yourself. While that’s a fair point, it's not a useful approach to stopping a divorce.

So strike a balance, because some direct and purposeful effort aimed at your partner just might reward you with the kind of love, connection, and companionship you thought was lost.

Prioritize emotional and physical intimacy

Intimacy of both kinds is crucial for a healthy and satisfying relationship. However, intimacy can look different for each couple, especially in midlife.

So, understand each other and what you each want, and try to find that closeness again.

Touching
Talking
Revisiting memories together
Sitting close
Even just smiling at each other

These are all simple ways to create intimacy.

Check-in with yourself and your perspective

We’ve established that hormone fluctuations can cause changes in emotional state for both women and men. So, before you give in to,

Anger
Anxiety
Stress
Despair

Check in on your mental health and consider whether it could be affecting your perspective on life.

A good way to do this is to talk to a friend, family member, your physician, or a counselor who specializes in relationships and midlife issues.

Takeaways About Preventing Divorce During Menopause

The years associated with perimenopause and menopause can be full of challenges and changes. Some of these can affect relationships in a significant way.

But these things don’t have to mean divorce.

You can prevent a menopause divorce through,

Effective communication
Focusing on each other
Keeping intimacy alive
Understanding yourself and the changes you’re going through

By working together and being committed to the health of your relationship, there’s no biological reason divorce during menopause is an inevitability.

FAQs

Do most people get divorced in midlife?

No, but it has become common. Divorcing during midlife is a result of many factors, most going back to unresolved marital issues that have been ignored for too long.

Can a menopause divorce be prevented?

Yes. With the right efforts and commitment from each partner a divorce during midlife can be avoided. Most menopause divorces occur because people don't try hard enough.

How long does menopause last?

Menopause is defined as 12 consecutive months without a period, but perimenopause can occur for several years prior to that. You can learn more about perimenopause, menopause, and their impact on emotions here.