Financial Stress Is Killing My Marriage

couple-with-money-stress-that-is-hurting-their-marriage

3 Min Read

Contents

When Money Problems Become Marriage Problems
4 Hidden Ways Financial Stress Hurts Your Marriage
What Can You Do If Financial Stress Is Killing Your Marriage?
Takeaways When Financial Stress Is Killing Your Marriage
FAQs

It starts with something small – a late bill, an argument over groceries, a home repair, even kids’ school supplies. One partner gets mad, the other gets defensive, someone shuts down, and before you know it, you’re not just fighting about money, you’re fighting about everything.

Or worse – you’re not talking at all.

That’s when you realize that financial stress is killing your marriage.

In today’s economy, where everything from rent to ramen has gone up, financial stress isn’t just uncomfortable – it’s flat out dangerous for many marriages.

If you’ve found yourself rubbing your temples and thinking, “Financial stress is killing my marriage,” after another tense exchange with your partner, you’re not alone.

But you don’t have to just accept the strain on your marriage and live with it.

When Money Problems Become Marriage Problems

Money problems in a relationship don’t just strain your budget – they change the emotional temperature in your home.

Dr. Kurt sees how money impacts marriages all the time. In fact, he recently said,

I'm working with a couple where financial stress is killing their marriage – and one admits it and the other won't. He has a job and she doesn't. Money is really tight for them and often they're late in paying monthly bills. He resents that the money earning responsibility all falls on him. She insists that her taking care of their household is important, which it is. But he wants a teammate in meeting their income needs, and because she refuses, they fight a lot and have no intimacy."

Financial stress in a marriage can trigger,

Resentment
Anger
Insecurity
Controlling behavior

even a loss of attraction to your partner.

While one partner may feel like they bear the burden of making ends meet, the other may feel micromanaged, inadequate, or ashamed.

None of these things are healthy in marriage or life in general.

The truth?

Money may keep the lights on, but its emotional power goes much deeper than that. Its presence and quantity influence feelings of,

Control
Safety
Self-worth
Trust
Social comfort

With today’s financial climate, the pressure is relentless, which means the emotional fallout from money problems can be intense.

Couples who feel like financial stress is killing their marriage may be arguing about spending, but the real issues are the pain of insecurity, anxiety about the future, and inability to relax.

This can create a “saver vs. spender” dynamic, which really means there’s a division between you and you’re now living as opponents rather than teammates.

4 Hidden Ways Financial Stress Hurts Your Marriage

Financial stress doesn’t just cause arguments in a marriage – it creeps into many other parts of your relationship as well.

1. Intimacy takes a hit

Stress kills libido for men and women. Financial insecurity can make both partners feel undesirable, undesired, and too mentally exhausted to be intimate. Pillow talk about the power bill just isn’t sexy.

2. Communication shuts down

People naturally avoid difficult conversations. When one or both partners feel shame about the finances, they’re very likely to avoid the topic. This can lead to hiding purchases or even outright lying. As communication shuts down, distrust grows.

3. Resentment builds

Over time, with no communication and a perceived adversarial stance on spending and money choices overall, resentment can set in. If resentment isn’t addressed quickly and reversed, it will eventually calcify into contempt, which is a marriage killer.

4. You grow apart

A marriage without intimacy, communication, and a shared vision for the future starts to feel more like a business relationship – and not a happy one.

What Can You Do If Financial Stress Is Killing Your Marriage?

You can’t fix inflation or change your income overnight. But you can take steps to protect your marriage from financial stress.

Schedule regular money talks.

Make finances a regular topic of conversation, not something you hide from or throw at each other in the heat of the moment. Set aside time every week to review your budget together, check in on spending, and discuss upcoming expenses.

Get on the same page.

You and your partner may have different money personalities, and that’s generally okay so long as you work together and respect the common goal.

Ask for help before things get toxic.

There’s no shame in seeing a financial advisor or marriage counselor. In fact, both of those things could count as the smartest investments you make. A neutral third party can help you untangle the emotional knots tied to your finances and find practical steps forward.

Takeaways When Financial Stress Is Killing Your Marriage

Financial stress in a marriage is a real and common issue. If you’re silently lamenting that, “Financial stress is killing my marriage,” remember money isn’t the enemy – disconnection from your partner is.

What really kills a marriage isn’t the finances – it’s allowing yourselves to become emotionally victimized by them.

So, work together to fight the problems by talking, collaborating, and making an effort to keep your love and connection strong.

FAQs

How do I bring up money without starting a fight?

Start by owning your feelings instead of blaming your partner. Try,

“I’ve been feeling anxious about our finances, and I want to talk about how we can work through it together,” instead of “You always spend too much.”

What if my partner shuts down or avoids the topic?

Some people grew up in homes where money was a source of shame or fear, so they avoid the topic to protect themselves emotionally. Try setting small, low-pressure goals. Maybe agreeing to look at the past week’s spending every Sunday and setting a 15 minute limit on the conversation.