8 Tips For Preventing A Midlife Marriage Crisis

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Contents

Preventing A Midlife Marriage Crisis
Takeaways For Preventing A Midlife Marriage Crisis
FAQs

A marriage crisis can sneak up on even the strongest of couples. One day, you're getting married, making plans, and starting a family. The next, you're moving your kids into college, thinking about retirement, and contemplating how great it would be to be on your own and out of your marriage.

The good news?

A midlife marriage crisis isn't inevitable – it can be prevented.

Let’s face it – change during midlife happens. But by working together it’s possible for you to crisis-proof your marriage and ride through the midlife years unscathed (relatively speaking).

Preventing A Midlife Marriage Crisis

Preventing a midlife marriage crisis takes intentional effort, but it's totally doable if both partners are willing to put in the work. The key is being proactive.

So, the first big tip to crisis-proof your marriage is – to start NOW.

Dr. Kurt had this to say,

Every day I deal with marriages in crisis. One of the saddest things about this is that the crises are almost always avoidable. One of the best things you can do for yourself and your marriage is to be proactive in dealing with issues (or potential issues)."

The open secret to keeping your marriage strong is that it's NOT a finite effort. It's about what you do each day, every day throughout your entire relationship.

But don't despair if you're years in and things are rocky. It's never too late. The strategies below can work even if you have some ground to make up.

If you're worried that your marriage may struggle when all the big midlife changes fully occur, use the suggestions below to restore the stability your marriage needs.

1. Keep communication open and alive (even about the hard stuff)

Midlife is often tumultuous. Kids leaving home, career shifts, aging parents, and your own physical and psychological changes. If you're not discussing how these things impact you emotionally, resentment can build.

You need to regularly check in with each other about these things. If something’s affecting you, it's affecting your spouse, too – maybe not in the same way, but it is.

So, TALK! Even if it's just a 10-minute conversation over coffee a few times a week.

2. Prioritize intimacy (beyond just the bedroom)

Intimacy isn't just sex, it's also affection, laughter, and vulnerability which leads to feeling emotionally connected.

Small things like holding hands, leaving notes, or giving compliments can help maintain that spark.

Don't misunderstand – sexual intimacy is important too. When you lose that, it's a slippery slope into the roommate zone, which can create openings for seeking physical affection elsewhere.

The bottom line is to put effort into keeping emotional and physical intimacy alive. Don't let life and the need for sleep steal that from you.

3. Remember that parenting shouldn’t define your relationship

If you've spent years focused on raising kids, it's easy to wake up one day and feel like you barely know your spouse as anything other than a co-parent.

Make sure you still have couple-only experiences like date nights, weekend trips, or even just binge-watching TV together.

Before you were parents, you were autonomous individuals with unique thoughts and interests. Do your best to hold onto that and remain interested in and interesting to each other.

4. Tackle midlife changes as a team

Midlife changes are coming, and none of us can escape them. Physical and emotional changes, hormonal shifts, changing bodies, and even career burnout.

Face them together instead of letting these things drive a wedge between you.

5. Stay curious about each other

People evolve, and your spouse is no exception.

Continue to ask about their dreams, interests, and concerns. If you keep the conversation alive and remain invested in each other, you're much more likely to remain connected.

It's also important to have new experiences together. So, consider new hobbies, travel, or classes.

Not only will you expand your own horizons, but you’ll also deepen your connection to one another.

6. Handle conflict the right way

Every couple has fights, but how you fight matters.

Defensiveness, contempt, and name calling will drive a wedge between you that can become hard to remove.

Instead, listen, avoid blame and yelling, and work on solutions rather than embracing anger.

7. Take care of yourself too

The healthiest marriages are between healthy partners. This includes physical and mental health.

If you're burnt out, unhappy, or unfulfilled, it's easy to project that onto your relationship. Stay active, maintain friendships, and find activities that bring you joy.

8. Seek help before it's a crisis

Counseling isn't just for when things are falling apart. A marriage counselor can help strengthen your relationship before major problems arise.

Takeaways For Preventing A Midlife Marriage Crisis

Preventing your marriage from going into crisis mode at any stage requires mindful and intentional effort. Unfortunately, the busyness of life can distract us from putting the effort needed into maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.

If you'd like to avoid a midlife marriage crisis, make sure you're doing something every day to reinforce your connection to your spouse and remind them of the love you have for each other.

FAQs

Can you always prevent a midlife marriage crisis?

Maybe, but there are no absolutes. However, with the right efforts from both of you, it's very likely that you can crisis-proof your marriage, avoid a midlife marriage crisis, and maintain a strong relationship.

Does having a midlife crisis mean I'll also have a midlife marriage crisis?

Almost certainly. A midlife crisis affects every aspect of your life, making it very hard to maintain a strong marriage during one. But marriages can survive a midlife crisis, so don't give up hope. More information about marriage and midlife crises can be found here.