Part 3 of 4
Does your wife irritate you sometimes? Of course she does, just as you irritate her sometimes. It’s nearly impossible to be in a long-term relationship with someone and not get on each other’s nerves from time to time. But do you ever wonder if other husbands have the same complaints about their wives as you do?
Here are the next 3 (out of 10) common complaints husbands have about their wives and my perspective on them. These come from research results published in the article You're Driving Me Crazy! from Psychology Today. See if you can relate to any of them.
4: Feeling Unappreciated
An attitude of goodwill is essential to all relationships; it makes us eager to do things to please our partners, especially if our efforts are acknowledged and appreciated. But if we feel our efforts are not being noticed-or, worse, that our partner notices only what we're not doing-we lose interest in performing those generous acts that further the relationship. We get irritable instead, and at the very least feel taken for granted.
Showing appreciation for your partner is one of the best ways to be loving, but it’s also one of the easiest things to forget. Nearly all of us have been guilty of taking our spouse for granted at one time or another. Doing this on a regular basis can cause resentment and create major problems in a marriage.
5: Feeling Controlled
Feeling controlled is one of the most common-40 percent, in one study-relationship complaints. "We human beings don't like to be told what to do," says John Jacobs. The real problem may not be your partner's behavior but the way you label it. "What one person experiences as control, another might experience as love and caring," explains Madanes. "The art of relationships is turning things around even if the other is not collaborating."
Although you may love your spouse and even feel like you operate as a team, losing respect for their autonomy as an individual will lead to problems. When one partner no longer feels like they have an active say-so in their own lives, or that the other person is calling all the shots, you’re no longer operating as a team. It can be easy to lose sight of that.
6: Not Feeling Intimate
Like all relationship irritants, lack of intimacy is a two-way street. If you're meeting all your partner's needs and filling him or her up with love daily, you'll both feel warm and close. "I hear so many men say, 'My wife suddenly left me, and I can't understand why, I gave her everything,'" says Madanes. "I say, 'You gave her everything except what she needed!'"
I see many couples who are struggling with intimacy in their relationships, both physical and emotional. Part of what makes a couple a couple is the closeness they share. When that closeness is replaced by the busyness of daily life and only superficial needs are being met, couples drift apart.
Why Are These Complaints About Wives So Common?
The attentiveness and consideration that we give to one another at the beginning of a relationship is natural and serves a purpose, but it can be difficult to maintain on a daily basis. Those behaviors as we are getting to know each other help us become close, fall in love, and create a life together. The downside to that is that once the relationship is established and stable we tend to take for granted the person we love the most, and doing that creates problems.
From my years of counseling men I know that these truly are common complaints husbands have about their wives when they say, "my wife irritates me." Many men tell me that they feel a lack of appreciation from their wives for the things they do for them and the family. And I often work with men in counseling who feel controlled by their wives and don't know how to stop it. Too little sex (because wives don't feel turned on) is also a common complaint by husbands in my marriage counseling for men.
If you have any one of these relationship complaints, get in line with a lot of guys, because you're not alone. But you can also change things too. Counseling designed for men can give you tools you can use to feel more appreciated, not feel controlled, and get more sex!
To read the first 2 articles, or the final article in the series, see Related Posts below.
This is the third article of four examining complaints and differences between husbands and wives in marriage relationships. In the next and last article we'll look at the final 10 beliefs and problems that come from the differences between us and our partners. Sign-up for our blog at the bottom of this page and be sure not to miss the last part of this series.
Editor's Note: This post was originally published June 6, 2010. It has been updated for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
Looking for More? Check Out These Articles
- Common Complaints Wives And Husbands Have (Part 1)
- Things That Wives Complain About Their Husbands (Part 2)
- Top Complaints Husbands & Wives Have (Part 4)
- Get More Help with Marriage Problems