Mr. Marriage Counselor - "My Husband Told Me He No Longer Loves Me"

  

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Q: My husband of 8 years told me that he no longer loves me and he is sorry this did not work out. We had been going to marriage counseling for 7 weeks and I thought we were making progress. I still love him deeply and hold on to the hope that this is temporary and he just needed space. What should my next steps be now? --Gabby M

A: Your first instinct to give him space is correct.  I can't say for sure what's going on for your husband, but based on my counseling with other men in his shoes, here are some possibilities:

• Sometimes the process of counseling can be overwhelming for men.  In response, some men withdraw.
• When some men realize they aren't in love with their wives anymore, they conclude that it must mean that the relationship is dead, so they decide to leave the marriage.
• Some men go through periods when they're unhappy with their lives; work, family, and interests just don't meet their expectations any longer.  Not knowing what the problem is, or how to fix it, they just start making changes in their lives and often their marriage is the first place they start.

What should you do?

• Give him some space as you thought.
• Continue to go to marriage counseling on your own.
• See what you can learn about yourself and the relationship through counseling and make changes accordingly.
• Read this two-part article I wrote for women who's husbands don't love them anymore: My Husband Doesn't Love Me - 5 Things You Can Do About It.

--Kurt Smith, Marriage Counselor

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