How To Identify A Midlife Crisis Man

man-trying-to-identify-whether-he-is-having-a-midlife-crisis

3 Min Read

Contents

What A Midlife Crisis Man Looks Like
How A Man In Midlife Crisis Acts
Takeaways About A Midlife Crisis Man
FAQs

Some of the most common statements partners of a midlife crisis man make are –

“I don’t recognize him anymore.”
“He’s like a complete stranger to me.”
“Where did the man I married go?”

Notice a theme?

Their man has changed. But not just a little – he used to hate guacamole and now he loves it (that’s me).

No, it’s not a little change. It’s a big, Big, BIG life altering change.

And those changes typically aren’t good.

A wife I’m counseling said this week how disturbed she was seeing her midlife crisis man on a video call with me for the first time in seven months (he moved out).

He looked really unhealthy.”

Everyone else is this man’s life can see it – except him. His wife, mom, sisters, guy friends. Many don’t truly understand what’s going on, but they can see something has changed, and not for the better.

What A Midlife Crisis Man Looks Like

As the wife above stated, her husband looks “really unhealthy.” But how?

Well first, he showed up in the video call sitting in the dark, so we couldn’t really see him.

Intentional? Maybe.

Trying to hide his appearance? I’m not sure.

After he turned a light on, we could see that he was unshaven (not particularly unusual), dressed in old sweats, and fidgety (possibly due to the medications he’s taking or just being in a counseling meeting).

He was irritable, angry, and defensive. All of which translated into his being aggressive towards his wife and myself.

He shared that there are days when he can’t focus or work.

Simply, he looked like (and is) – a mess.

I saw all the signs of a depressed man, which is also one of the symptoms of a midlife crisis man.

It’s ironic that a man in midlife crisis is trying to find happiness, yet the way most go about it typically just makes him more depressed.

No one prepares you for this, we make jokes about the midlife crisis man running around in his new red sports car. We have no idea leading up to this, the absolute train wreck men who going through this leave behind. Every member of our family has been effected by this and has trauma, pain and suffering from the choices my husband made during this time.” - Adele

How A Man In Midlife Crisis Acts

So, what’s the midlife crisis man we’ve been discussing acting like?

Well, normal in some ways.

He goes to work every day (although his performance has dropped dramatically).
He sees two of his three daughters weekly (the oldest refuses to see him).
He still communicates with extended family, like his sisters and parents (but it’s a lot less and he refuses to talk to them about his personal life).

In other ways, not normal or healthy.

He won’t engage with friends, even when they reach out to him.
He doesn’t exercise at all, which used to be a daily activity (for some men a midlife crisis has the opposite effect and they become obsessed with exercise and how they look).
He lives by himself in a sparsely furnished house that his kids described as “depressing.”

Oh, yeah, he also has a girlfriend.

In my opinion, he looks like a man desperately trying to make two divergent worlds fit together.

His old life, with his kids, wife, and extended family.
His new life with his girlfriend and pursuit of what will make him happy.

Takeaways About A Midlife Crisis Man

Some midlife crisis men look like the guy I’ve described – a wreck. Others, look the opposite, like they’re having the time of their life.

But that’s all on the outside. On the inside, they’re all basically the same – unhappy, confused, and uncertain.

What’s that translate into for those looking to identify a midlife crisis man?

He doesn’t look like himself or the man people have known.
He looks and/or acts unhealthy (even the guy who looks happy driving his new $190k Porsche can also look unhealthy based on his decision-making).
He’s moody, angry, defensive, and unwilling to talk about the life changes he’s making.
He’s isolated himself.
He doesn’t know what he wants in his life.

Got it?

You’ll find a midlife crisis man by looking for signs of unhappiness, confusion, and uncertainty.

FAQs

Do all men have a midlife crisis?

No, many men reassess their lives and make changes without it becoming a crisis. And the changes they make are usually more like adjustments (getting back into the gym) than life changes (moving out).

How do you get a man in midlife crisis to get help?

Any man in a midlife crisis needs help in figuring his way out of it. Especially to be able to fix why it happened. Yet most refuse. The secret is to find a pain point he wants to resolve.

Have any experience with a midlife crisis man? Please tell other readers what that’s like and get their feedback.