Divorce Advice for Men – 3 What Not to Dos
Posted by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC on Sat, Dec 17, 2011
Here’s some really important divorce advice for men from the really stupid things people do files:
Darrell and Amy got into it again. It doesn’t matter over what; what matters is how angry at each other they got. For months each of them has been threatening getting a divorce. During the fight, Darrell told Amy that if she wanted a divorce, he’d give her a divorce. In a rage, the couple jumped in their cars and raced each other to the courthouse. Darrell ran up the steps and waited for Amy. Fortunately for him, she couldn’t find a parking space, and while searching to find a place to park Amy came to her senses and drove off.
So what can we learn from Darrell? Here’s some very valuable divorce advice for men:
1. Don't Make Emotional Decisions
Darrell decided to get a divorce while in a state of rage. The last thing you want to make an emotional decision about is getting a divorce. This is such a life altering decision that it should only be made in a non-emotional state and only after much consideration of the consequences, as well as following #2 and #3 below.
2. Have a Plan
Darrell had no plan. He didn’t know what he was going to do after filing the petition for divorce (only step one of many, many forms and steps). Here’s the BIGGEST divorce advice for men SECRET to always keep in mind: The most important thing in a divorce is how you come out of it. In order to come out in the best position possible you need to be strategic and smart about how you manage each step of the process.
3. Get Professional Advice (but not necessarily from a lawyer)
Darrell hadn’t talked to anyone but his brother. Everyone has 2 cents of advice to share about how to go through a divorce. Nearly all of it is going to be unwise and very biased – neither of which is in your best interests. The best thing you can do before starting a divorce is talk to a professional who helps people through divorce. But this doesn’t mean only a lawyer. Lawyers will only help with the legal and financial aspects. However, the emotional, psychological, and behavioral affects and responses are crucial to address too in order to have success. Divorce counseling with a therapist experienced in divorce can be invaluable.
Divorce is extremely hard, even if you’ve been through it before. Don’t be a Darrell and be stupid. Get some divorce counseling to help manage your emotions, get help developing a plan, and to learn a professionals’ advice on how to come out of your divorce in the best shape possible. We men can be a bit stubborn and think we know what’s best at times when we really don’t, so listen to this divorce advice for men -- you’ll thank me for it later. Darrell did (he wised up and came in for divorce counseling).