Irreconcilable Differences = Divorce. Really?
Posted by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC on Wed, Nov 09, 2011
TV reality star Kim Kardashian announced last week that she has filed for divorce from her new husband, Kris Humphries, after only 72 days of marriage. Reportedly she cited irreconcilable differences as the reason for divorce. One of the differences was suspected to be where the couple would live.
-- How irreconcilable can differences really be after only 72 days?
-- Is 72 days really a reasonable period of time to see if differences can be resolved or compromises reached?
-- Can you honestly say that you’ve really tried to reconcile differences and you know for sure that they are truly irreconcilable differences in two months of marriage?
Webster’s dictionary defines the word irreconcilable as meaning “impossible to reconcile” or “a member of a group opposing compromise or collaboration.”
It’s pretty common in couples counseling to hear couples say that they have irreconcilable differences or that they're no longer compatible and must divorce.
In fact just this week during a couples counseling meeting a guy I was counseling refused to even try to hear what his fiancée’s experience of an event was because it contradicted his experience of it. He adamantly refused to acknowledge her experience (and therefore her) because it did not match his.
So often relationships break down because either partner, or both, refuses to practice loving behavior towards the person they say that they love (or at least once loved) -- not because of irreconcilable differences.
Couples with happy and successful relationships are the couples that have learned the invaluable skill of how to love each other even with irreconcilable differences.