What To Do When Getting Divorced
Posted by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC on Sat, Apr 28, 2012
Part 2 of 2
Here's suggestion #2 of what to do when getting divorced (You can read the first suggestion and Part #1 of this post here -- What To Do When Getting a Divorce):
2) Be Careful How Much You Involve The Court System
This may seem like an impossible what to do when getting divorced, but it really can be done.
It's important to understand why involving the court system is such a what not to do when getting divorced. The divorce court system will chew you up and spit you out. I can't tell you how many clients have told me how shocked they've been to find out how unfair divorce court can be (here's an important tip -- divorce is not about justice, so don't expect it).
Here's a comment from a Guy Stuff client going through a litigated divorce:
"The judge said, 'we just need to get you guys divorced.' As if that's really going to solve our problems. She (his ex) won't tell me anything about what's going on with my sons. How's that going to be any better when we're divorced?"
He's right, all being officially divorced is going to do is get them out of the judge's courtroom so she doesn't have to deal with them any longer. It doesn't solve the problem that they can't communicate and their kids are suffering because of it. And where the court system is leading this guy is to a life after divorce that's worse off than it was before he filed.
It's okay not to know what to do when getting divorced. However, that doesn't mean you have to turn the process over to a lawyer and rely solely on the court system to get you through it. That's what I believe is the biggest what not to do when getting divorced. Instead, do just what you're doing here and learn as much as you can about what to do when getting divorced on your own. And then lean, only as needed, on a professional (lawyer, counselor, financial adviser -- divorce counseling is a great choice) that will best help you reach your end goal -- which is making your life after divorce the best it possibly can be.
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