What To Do When Getting A Divorce
Posted by Kurt Smith, MFT, AFC on Sat, Apr 21, 2012
Part 1 of 2
Want to know what to do when getting a divorce? Keep your end goal in mind.
The best advice on what to do when getting a divorce is to make decisions as you go through the divorce that will make your life after divorce the best it possibly can be. What not to do when getting a divorce is to ignore your post-divorce life until you get there.
The biggest mistake couples most often make is focusing just on getting divorced, and not life after divorce. In nearly all divorces couples will have to have a relationship post-divorce; there are many reasons -- kids, support payments, joint financial commitments, etc. One of the biggest fallacies of divorce is that divorce means that the person is out of your life.
So if that's really what to do when getting a divorce, how do you go about doing it? Here are 2 suggestions from years of experience working with divorce:
1) Use Lawyers Minimally -- Understandably, you'll most likely need some legal guidance. However, this doesn't mean you have to retain an attorney and turn the divorce process over to them.
One reason it's a mistake to turn your divorce over to an attorney is because attorneys aren't trained to manage relationships well. As a result, attorneys can often make your relationship with your ex worse, which doesn't help you have the best life after divorce.
Here's a comment from a Guy Stuff client going through a Collaborative Divorce:
"I was super clear with the both of them (her and his attorneys) why I don't want to deal with him (her ex). I think they understood, but only to a certain point. They didn't live with the guy and for the most part this is just a business transaction to them. To me, of course, it is so much more than that."
The best thing to do is only involve attorneys in legal matters and deal with the communication and relationship issues separately. Use divorce counseling to manage and resolve all the non-legal matters like kids.
We'll look at suggestion #2 of what to do when getting a divorce in the next post -- What To Do When Getting Divorced. In the meantime, take a look at the popular posts on divorce below. You can learn a lot of what not to do when getting a divorce from other's stories on the Guy Stuff Counseling blog and website.
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