Recognizing Narcissistic Behavior Traits in Men

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4 Min Read

Contents

What Does A Narcissistic Man Look Like?
Clues You May Be Involved With A Narcissist
What To Take Away

Know any narcissists? There’s a good chance you do, and chances are they’re probably men. Narcissism is a trait most frequently seen in men. In fact, because narcissistic men are somewhat common, most of us have at least a vague idea of what narcissistic behavior traits in men look like.

Men aren’t the only ones who display narcissistic behavioral traits though - women can too. Narcissistic mothers, for example, are one female version.

In fact, a young, engaged couple I was counseling this week is struggling mightily with his mother’s out-of-control narcissism and the impact she’s having on their wedding planning and currently “on-hold” marriage.

But while women certainly can be narcissistic, the majority of narcissists tend to be men, and their behavior can be very damaging not only to themselves, but particularly to those that love them.

This means that learning how to recognize the traits associated with narcissistic behavior is crucial.

What Does A Narcissistic Man Look Like?

Narcissistic behavior can be described as ‘It’s all about me’ syndrome.’

People who have narcissistic traits tend not to do anything that doesn’t somehow benefit them. Even seemingly altruistic behavior usually has the ulterior motive of making them look good or gaining something.

To illustrate this point, take a look at a social media post I wrote about recognizing narcissistic traits in someone you love.

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As a counselor who specializes in working with men, I can give you some direct and actionable advice on how to spot narcissistic behavior traits in men.

The number one narcissistic behavior trait, in my experience, is,

The problem with everything is always you - it’s never them (the narcissist)

Sound familiar?

Even things they’ve clearly and deliberately done are somehow your fault.

For instance, consider the man who has an affair and blames his wife.

If you had been better in bed, more loving, more interested, etc. I wouldn’t have had to turn to another woman.”

Or the man who verbally abuses his wife.

If you weren’t so stupid, we’d have a better life.”

There are additional traits that are also common to narcissistic men. These behaviors may manifest in different ways depending upon the skill of the narcissist, but they’re all almost always present.

Among them are,

Creating self-doubt
Frequently gaslighting
Deliberately causing confusion
Rejection and denial of responsibility for anything that goes wrong
Placing blame on other people or circumstances

Narcissistic men have an inflated sense of importance and surround themselves with people who feed that feeling.

They need to feel,

Attractive
Successful
In charge
Center stage in any and all settings

Men who relationship hop or change jobs regularly can be narcissists, and behave this way to feed their self-esteem and maintain a feeling of importance and value.

These men also typically exaggerate their accomplishments and abilities. It’s always the “my fish was bigger than your fish” story until the fish eventually becomes a whale.

Notice the theme in all these behaviors?

It’s some form of, ‘It’s all about me.’

Clues You May Be Involved With A Narcissist

Relationships with narcissistic men are notoriously unhealthy.

For a narcissist the relationship typically only has value if it’s making him look good or giving him someone to blame for his mistakes or inadequacies.

Of course, they don’t see it in those terms.

Instead, a narcissist will insist that his behavior is a form of love and rely on blaming you for any problems that exist.

Common symptoms of dealing with a narcissist, especially when you're in a relationship with one, is that you,

Frequently doubt yourself
Often feel confused
Begin suffering from self-esteem issues

These symptoms result from a couple of the behavior traits listed in the ‘Narcissist’s Toolbox’ shown above.

One of the worst and more extreme results of being involved with a narcissist is experiencing abuse.

People with narcissistic traits often resort to being emotionally or verbally abusive in response to their own shortcomings. This can arise from their need to blame someone else in order to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions.

This doesn’t mean that all abusers are narcissists, but it’s not uncommon for narcissists to become abusers.

Do narcissists consciously act this way?

Yes and no.

Be careful not to try to analyze 'why' a person is a narcissist, because the reasons are often very psychologically complicated (read more about Narcissistic Personality Disorder). All you really have to understand is the damage these behaviors have on others and the narcissist themselves.

What To Take Away

Narcissism is a tricky trait to spot right away. Many narcissists are charismatic and able to draw you into their world before you’ve had a chance to accurately evaluate their behavior and recognize the tale-tell narcissistic traits.

But generally, it doesn't take long for a narcissistic leopard to show his spots.

Remember,

Narcissists have a deep need to be seen and admired.
They can use people as props to improve their own image.
In the extreme, narcissism can become verbally or emotionally abusive.
A narcissistic partner can cause confusion, make you doubt yourself, and drive your self-esteem down.
Narcissism is also a complicated psychological condition that requires the help of a trained counselor to overcome.

If you recognize these narcissistic behavior traits in a man you love, or maybe even yourself, get some professional mental health counseling help. Narcissism isn't impossible to change, but it can be nearly impossible to bring about those changes on your own.

Looking over this list of narcissistic behaviors, do you recognize these in anyone you know? If so, please share your experience in the comments below so we all can benefit from learning about more signs of narcissism.

Editor's Note: This post was originally published on January 18, 2014 updated on September 22, 2020 and updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.