3 Steps To Stop A Man’s Fear of Intimacy

woman-trying-to-stop-a-mans-fear-of-intimacy 3 Min Read

Contents

3 Steps That Can Reverse A Man's Fear Of Intimacy
Takeaways to Stop A Man’s Fear of Intimacy
FAQs

In most cases a man’s fear of intimacy is really a fear of the unknown.

Why?

Because lot of men haven’t really experienced true intimacy, other than sexual.

They may have had moments where they felt the deep connection that comes from having emotional intimacy with a partner. But most likely didn’t know that’s what they were experiencing and have no idea what they did that produced it.

So, stopping a man’s fear of intimacy requires some education.

But this will need to be experiential learning, not auditory. Think of it like taking him on a field trip, as opposed to sitting him down and making him listen to a lecture.

Here’s an example of a man who needs to learn how to stop being controlled by his fear of intimacy.

You had a question, Have you asked your partner to take the quiz? If not, why not? To answer your questions, I am a coward, too scared to ask, discuss or take action. I have always been fearful of discussing my emotions and feelings. This fear is not because of physical harm but being too vulnerable. Sometimes I feel as though discussing these things would cause deep emotional pain. Let me explain, I was a coward not to tell my spouse that I did not ever love her or anyone else. To tell her that I think would definitely cause an emotional scar, so I don’t say anything. I don’t initiate conversations, contact or intimacy, because of fear and that it seems like a lie. I am sure this is not the first time you heard about this behavior or lack thereof.” -Ben

Ben is a little more aware of his feelings than most men, and he better understands the reasons for his fear of intimacy. Yet he’s still paralyzed by it.

3 Steps That Can Reverse A Man's Fear Of Intimacy

Here are 3 steps you can follow to begin to help your man stop his fear of intimacy and the limitations it puts on your relationship and love.

1. Define Intimacy

The meaning of the word intimacy needs to be understood and agreed upon.

What you each mean when you say the word.
The different forms it can take.
Which forms of intimacy are most important to each of you.

Most men need to learn that intimacy doesn’t mean solely sex. they also need to understand its other forms –

Emotional
Mental
Spiritual

Discussing the topic of more broadly can help begin to stop your man’s fear of intimacy.

2. Experience Intimacy

Create opportunities for the two of you to experience intimacy in its different forms.

Most of us learn the best by experience. For overcoming fear, this especially true.

Irrational fear, which is what men’s fear of intimacy truly is, is best changed by experience.

For example, the best therapy for many phobias is something called exposure therapy. Just as the name implies, it’s the repeated small exposure to what is feared, such as flying on an airplane. When the exposure doesn’t result in what is feared, it contradicts the irrational thinking that’s creating the fear.

The same approach works for ending a man’s fear of intimacy.

3. Discuss Intimacy

What exposure therapy requires in addition to experience is discussion. Now, this can get beyond the skillset of someone untrained, because what happens in therapy is a reprogramming of a person’s thoughts. However, a partner, can at least initiate a discussion about the new, hopefully positive, experience of a different form of intimacy.

Sometimes all that’s needed to stop a man’s fear of intimacy is connecting the dots.

Understand the different forms of intimacy > Experience the different forms > Discuss the experience and how fearing them isn’t necessary (actually, it’s harmful).

If this step becomes too much for either you or him, find a therapist. Don’t try to be one yourself.

Takeaways to Stop A Man’s Fear of Intimacy

Helping your guy to recognize, experience, and appreciate intimacy in all its forms will help lessen and hopefully eventually stop his fear of intimacy.

Most guys can value and desire intimacy in its non-sexual forms if they’re just given a little help.

So, slowly, gradually, and over time work on a plan to stop your man’s fear of intimacy by breaking down the walls he’s built up.

FAQs

How Can You Help A Man Learn Emotional Intimacy?

Ask him to think of a feeling he had that day. You do the same. Then tell each other the feeling and why you felt it. If he struggles naming a feeling, a Google search for feeling charts and use one to help him pick a feeling. Repeat this once or twice a week.

How Can You Help A Man Experience Mental Intimacy?

Mental intimacy occurs as a relationship forms and grows. Men actually practice mental intimacy as they get to know a partner and let them get to know him – many just don’t realize it or that it needs to continue. So, do what you did in the beginning and share your thoughts, dreams, and beliefs, and talk about them.

Have you tried to stop your man’s fear of intimacy? Please share with other readers what you’ve tried in a comment below.