Men, Learn How to Love a Woman

men-getting-relationship-advice-on-how-a-woman-wants-to-be-loved.jpg

4 Min Read

Contents

How Women Really Want You To Love Them
What Loving A Woman Really Means
Takeaways About How To Love A Woman
Reader Comments (31+)

Guys, do you sometimes feel like you’re stumbling around in the dark when it comes to how to express your love to your wife or girlfriend?

You know you love her, but convincing her of that can feel like rolling a boulder up hill.

Why is that?

When it comes to really knowing how to love a woman many of us guys feel like there must be some secret no one’s told us.

Considering the confusion many of us feel, it seems like some relationship advice on how to love a woman, along with some tips on what women really want and don't want from their partners is in order.

Below are complaints I've heard during counseling from women in unhappy relationships and some advice for guys on how they can do better.

How Women Really Want You To Love Them

Too many of us guys take the lazy way out of loving our partners by claiming we're just not good at being "romantic."

We also tend to underestimate the value and importance of being romantic has on the health of our relationships.

Romance is often looked at as something we had to do when dating, but not necessary after we’ve been together for a while.

Guys, that’s just not true.

Keeping romance alive in a relationship is a crucial part of maintaining health and happiness. These gestures show you care, create a bond, and promote intimacy.

Although you may not feel like it’s important to you personally, it actually is – even if you don’t recognize it. And it’s likely very important to your partner.

The following are some dos and don’ts when it comes to loving your wife, as well as some ideas on how to do it better – even for the romantically challenged among us.

All it really takes is a little forethought and effort.

DON'TS:

Don't sign your Valentine's Day card (or any other card) with -"Your Husband, John C. Doe" (or "Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration" - if you're a fan of The Office).

Or, with just your name, “me,” or an initial.

This is way too impersonal and doesn’t show much effort.

Try writing a sentence about how you feel about her, or what you appreciate about her, and then sign it "Love, John."

Don't get her flowers and a card only on Valentine's Day, your wedding anniversary, or her birthday.

Do it a few times a year when she doesn't expect it. And try giving her something other than the same old thing (i.e. candy, and a card) on those traditional holidays.

Don't always ask her what she wants for a gift.

Try getting her something she really wants without asking her what she wants. You can do this by paying attention to things she says throughout the year and making a note of them. With this approach you've got some ideas all ready to go the next time you need to get her a gift.

Now the DOS:

The biggest of which is to think about what she really wants from you. Not just as a gift, but from your relationship in general.

See if any of the below sound like your partner.

Women have told me what they want from their husbands is:

Arrange a night without the kids.

This doesn't even mean you have to go anywhere, but just that you take care of everything, and she has the night off.

Have dinner ready for her on occasion (home cooked, not take out).

This is something you can take turns on – the point is not to make it her chore every single night.

Help with the household chores consistently, such as the dishes, laundry, grocery shopping, or cleaning the bathroom.
Open up to her about your thoughts and feelings.

Tell her what’s been on your mind, such as concerns, problems, or successes – not just the weather, work, or football.

Tell her you appreciate her and give examples of how and why.

Be specific and sincere. Women can tell when you’re just blowing smoke.

Hug, touch, or cuddle without the expectation or pressure of it ending in sex.

Physical intimacy is more than just sex and it’s important to embrace that fact.

Leave random notes or texts just letting her know you’re thinking about her.

Everyone likes knowing they’re being thought about.

Show interest in her.

Ask her questions about her day, her opinions, and her feelings.

Give her a gift that you put some effort into.

It doesn't have to be something big or expensive. It just matters that you thought about her and what she would like when you chose it.

Chances are your wife or partner would like any one (or combination) of these things.

What Loving A Woman Really Means

We’ve established that it’s not always easy to know how to show your partner you love her. But maybe that’s because we don’t truly understand what loving a woman really means.

Most of us go on autopilot when it comes to a long-term relationship of any kind.

Sometimes our wives do too, but women generally tend to be more in tune with their emotions and pay closer attention to ours than we may realize.

This means your wife is looking for signs that you,

Love
Value
Appreciate
And desire her

A woman who feels secure in these things will generally feel loved. Of course, this also requires maintaining her trust and respecting her as well.

Every woman is different, however, and each may need a slightly different approach.

Takeaways About How To Love A Woman

How you love a woman really comes down to knowing your partner and what she values.

The most effective way to express your love means doing so in the ways that she wants, needs, and responds to best.

So, take a minute and think about your partner. Close your eyes and really think about her.

Now, ask yourself,

What would she like your help with right now?
What does she like?
What does she value?
What have you done in the past that she really loved?

Loving our partners takes practice.

Sometimes I do something or get something for my wife and it's a home run, and other times I strike out.

But my genuine effort always strikes a chord and makes her feel loved. So, I stay consistent and regular with it because I know it makes her happy, secure in my feelings for her, and it keeps our connection strong.

Come on men, let's work a little harder at loving our wives the way they want to be loved and give the last minute call to 1-800-Flowers a break.

Ladies, could you give us guys some other ideas on how to love a woman?

Editor's Note: This post was originally published Feb 09, 2010, updated on September 8, 2020, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.