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Recognizing Narcissistic Behavior Traits in Men


Narcissism and men seem to be linked together. In fact, because narcissistic men are pretty common, most of us have at least a vague idea of what narcissistic behavior traits in men look like.

Are only men narcissists? No, women can be too. Narcissistic mothers are one female version. In fact, a young engaged couple I was counseling this week is struggling mightily with his mother's out of control narcissism and the impact she's on their wedding planning and presently 'on-hold' marriage.

Narcissistic behavior can be very simple described as, 'it's all about me' syndrome.

Here's a Google+ post I wrote about recognizing narcissistic traits in someone you love (click the Read More button after the first 2 lines to see the full post).

As counselor who specializes in working the narcissism, especially in men, I can give you some expert advice. Here are a couple of important things to think about regarding narcissistic behavior traits in men. The number one narcissistic behavior trait in my experience is:

  • The problem with everything is always you -- it's never them (the narcissist)

A common symptom of dealing with a narcissist, especially when you're in a relationship with one, is that you're:

  • Frequently Doubting Yourself
  • Often Confused

These symptoms result from a couple of the behavior traits listed in the 'Narcissists Toolbox' shown above:

  • Create Self-Doubt in Others
  • Make Others Feel Confused
  • Deny Any Responsibility
  • Blame Everyone and Everything Else

Do narcissists consciously act this way? Yes and no. Be careful not to try to analyze 'why' a person is a narcissist, because the reasons are often very psychologically complicated (Narcisstic Personality Disorder). All you have to understand is the destruction these behaviors have on others and the narcissist themselves.

If you recognize these narcissistic behavior traits in a man you love, or maybe even yourself, get some professional mental health help. Narcissism isn't impossible to change, but it's nearly impossible to do on your own.

Looking over this list of narcissistic behaviors, do you recognize these in anyone you know? If so, please share your experience in the comments below so we all can benefit from learning about more signs of narcissism. 

If you like this post and want to read more like it, you can sign-up on the right side of this page to get notified of each new post. You can also follow me on Google+ (Kurt Smith on Google+) where I post daily relationship and self-improvement tips just like this one.

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I got blamed for everything. I started to think maybe it is my fault. I think this is my husbands behavior.
Posted @ Saturday, January 18, 2014 12:38 PM by Jody
I also got blamed for anything going wrong. But although it's absolutely NOT my fault, I have still thought it's MY FAULT: not be able to control the situation. As soon as I could get hold of why he behaved so, things were safe and sound between us!
Posted @ Tuesday, January 28, 2014 10:11 PM by TTNT
I have just recently went through a relationship where he cheated on me and he and I have tried to work on it since and he is always telling me it's my fault. I did see someone while we were apart and I did not tell him we were sleeping together.... but we were apart. He also appeared at this guys house while I was there to beg and plead that we get back together. This is all very stressful for me. He has a way of knowing where I am at all times.... I love him and still find myself wanting to be with him. He is Muslim and I am not. This has been a source of contention and I have actually lookied at converting.... now that we are no longer together I feel lost without him. this has been going on for 3 years. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciatied.... Even a shared story.
Posted @ Monday, February 24, 2014 3:02 PM by Sarah
Wow,just heard about this and i was amazed. Thanks for the info.
Posted @ Wednesday, February 26, 2014 1:32 AM by mens
I have been married for 14 years but we have been a couple for almost 20. We have a 12-year-old son. We are older parents, we were 45 when our son was born. We have been separated for almost 2 years. My husband has been an alcoholic since he started drinking at the age of 14. He said he was "hooked" after his first drink. He also told me he would quit when our son was born. He did not, instead, his drinking worsened, as did his behavior. He also has Narcissist Personality Disorder. He was a good husband until the day our son was born. He discarded me emotionally on that day and our son became his entire focus. I was so hurt and confused, and when I tried to talk to him about this he told me I was crazy. That is one of his favorite things to tell me. I kept trying to make the marriage better, he did not. He had not just "checked out" of our marriage, but began a secret life without me and when he was home his behavior was unpredictable and cruel. It still is, as I am financially dependent on him and he has used that as a weapon. I am not just emotionally devastated, but my health has suffered. Of course, his total lack of empathy has always been hurtful, and now he treats me with contempt and disgust. He has turned his family against me and my own family has distanced themselves, because they think I should have divorced him the moment I found out he had been unfaithful. I also told them about how he had treated me for all those years. I had never told them because I didn't want them to dislike him. I can barely function. I have been like this since the day I found texts to one of the other women he has been with, and there have been many. I am in a daze, frozen with the fear of being alone. I am "damaged goods". He gave me a permanent disease years ago. I never thought he would be unfaithful. I put up with all of his ugly behavior for all of those years by reminding myself that "at least he's been faithful," but he had not. My world ended with that knowledge. He has been angrier since I found out. I guess it made it harder for him to date, hook-up, join dating sites, etc. I am destroyed. I no longer exist. I just try to get through the day. I have no hope. He wants a divorce. He has taken all of our assets and my son and I barely get by. He has made sure that I will live in poverty. I have given up. I am barely adequate as a mother as I no longer feel joy. I was discarded like trash. He is a Narcissist alcoholic and I am nothing, by his design.
Posted @ Saturday, March 08, 2014 2:17 PM by afraid of change
My husband is Iranian. We have been together for 17 years and have 5 children. We have a business and he runs it, I am a housewife. He blames everything that goes wrong, on me. He's always right. When his family visits, he changes. He becomes really happy and when they leave, he is mean to me and the kids. He becomes controlling and strict. This was not my husband before his family moved closer. I feel his family controls him. He's a good man and was always loving, funny and happy. Now days he says very mean things to me and never is happy. He told me to hand over the credit cards and go get a job after his parents visited a few weeks ago. I am not a spender, he just wants to control the money. I feel I have nothing anymore that belongs to me. Is this a sign my marriage is over?
Posted @ Tuesday, June 24, 2014 11:17 PM by manda
Manda, No, I wouldn't say this is a sign your marriage is over, but it is a sign that your marriage has problems. Get some counseling support with or without him. -Kurt
Posted @ Wednesday, June 25, 2014 5:02 PM by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC
Rarely, if ever, can Narcissists be helped. Why? Because they can NEVER accept that they have a problem. Half the work is acknowledging you have a problem, they never will because it's always YOUR fault. If you're involved with a Narc, run, don't walk and get yourself help if you have any shred of mental health left in you! It only gets worse.
Posted @ Tuesday, July 29, 2014 6:12 AM by Patti
Patti, You share some important points, so thank you for posting. I work with a lot of narcissists, and although you're correct that they make everything YOUR fault, as they learn to change they do begin to take responsibility. So I would disagree with they "NEVER accept they have a problem." Some do with professional help. -Kurt
Posted @ Tuesday, July 29, 2014 8:09 AM by Kurt Smith, LMFT, LPCC, AFC
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