My Wife is Crazy - or is She? Find Out

6 Min Read

Contents

Why Is My Wife Crazy?
What Else Can Cause Crazy Behavior?
What You Should Do If Your Wife Acts Crazy
Will Her Crazy Ever Stop?
What To Take Away

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “My wife is crazy”?

I don't mean crazy in the wild and fun kind of way, but rather in the I'm-not-sure-she-should-handle-knives way.

It’s no secret that women can suffer from moodiness and emotional behavior. Men certainly aren’t immune to that behavior either, but women are generally more expressive with their feelings.

These emotions and moods can range from mild to extreme, and sometimes they can be concerning.

Not sure what I mean?

Ask yourself the following questions:

Does your wife break down into tears for no apparent reason?
Has she developed panic attacks?
Does her temper seem easily triggered and exaggerated?
Has she developed anxiety that she can’t shake?

If several of your answers are yes, these behaviors may have you wondering what’s going on and asking yourself, "Is my wife crazy?" You might even start to believe your wife needs mental help.

What she may actually need, however, is to see her medical doctor.

Still not sure where I’m going with this?

Let’s dial it in a bit further with some additional questions.

Is she between the ages of 35-50? (there is wiggle room on either side of this).
Is she moody? Perhaps more dramatically moody than in the past?
Does she seem fatigued?
Is she complaining about brain fog?
Is she having trouble sleeping or staying asleep?

If you answer yes to any of these it may not be that your wife is crazy after all. She may be experiencing perimenopause, a phase of life that is perfectly normal, but often overlooked, especially by men who may not be familiar with this stage in women.

Why Is My Wife Acting Crazy?

Perimenopause occurs in women as early as their mid-thirties and is defined as the 4-8 (sometimes shorter, sometimes longer) years prior to menopause when a woman's estrogen levels begin to drop.

These changes can cause a variety of symptoms, not the least of which is moody, temperamental, "My wife is crazy" kind of behavior. These mood swings and strange behavior can leave you feeling like she’s become a stranger and maybe not one who likes you very much. You may even start to believe she’s fallen out of love with you.

But, barring any other issues in your marriage, your wife likely still loves you despite what her actions say.

So, if you answered yes to most (maybe all) of the questions above, it’s very possible she’s just experiencing normal changes to her hormone levels. Changes like these can cause emotions to be more easily triggered and she might not always be able to control her reactions.

If you find yourself the unwitting target of anger or sadness that makes no sense to you or anyone else in your family, its no surprise that you may start thinking she’s crazy.

This phase of life can be as confusing for her as it is for you. Many women don’t know much about the changes that occur before menopause.

There are also physical changes that she may experience such as hot flashes, fatigue, and weight gain.

There can also be physical changes.

Hot flashes
Exhaustion
Weight gain
Changes to skin
Thinning of hair

Are all common physical side effects of perimenopause. It’s fair to say she is not enjoying this any more than you are.

It’s fair to say she's not enjoying this any more than you are.

What Else Can Cause Crazy Behavior?

“So, is that it? My wife is crazy because of perimenopause?”

Maybe.

While physiological changes in women can cause behavioral changes, so can psychological issues.

Midlife crisis is something that most of us tend to associate with men, but it certainly can happen to women too.

The signs of midlife crisis in women can be a little different than midlife crisis symptoms in men though, and because it can happen around the same time, it can be easily written off as menopause, or empty-nest syndrome.

A midlife crisis (even a quarter life crisis), however, generally has emotional triggers rather than physical ones.

And in the case of a midlife crisis it’s a counselor, rather than a physician, that will be of most benefit.

So, before you send her off to her primary care doctor, or write it off as hormones, you should take some time to understand what could truly be going on with your wife. Her recovery and return to the woman you know and love depends upon her getting the proper treatment.

What You Should Do When Your Wife Acts Crazy

Regardless as to the cause of her behavior, try your best to be patient and talk to her.

Do your best to be understanding, and steer clear of saying to others, "My wife is crazy” or accusing her directly of being crazy.

It’s very likely she realizes her behavior is off and peppering her with disparaging descriptions will only make her feel worse.

If her behavior is causing damage to your relationship, then a frank conversation is in order.

Your wife might not realize how her behavior has affected you. These symptoms can sneak up on women, often much earlier in their lives than they would anticipate.

If your wife is caught off guard with these changes she may actually feel like she’s going crazy.

It’s crucial to encourage open communication and use coping strategies that allow tense situations to be diffused and stop a fights from arising.

As both a blessing and a curse, the symptoms aren’t likely to be 24/7 – they’ll come and go. This means you may be occasionally blindsided by her actions and reactions.

Don’t dismiss her just because you feel that she’s being more emotional, however. An emotional reaction is still a valid reaction.

Some of the signs common to this phase can also be associated with other issues. If you suspect problems that seem deeper or more serious, either within her or your relationship, you should seek assistance from either a physician or a counselor.

Dr. Kurt works with couples daily who are struggling to find common ground and learn (or relearn) how to communicate. According to him,

Dealing with emotionally loaded behavior even within the strongest, healthiest relationships can be really tough. But for relationships that are already not in great shape it can be too much to handle. Other problems can arise as a result, such as anger problems by either partner, and having an emotional affair becomes more of a possibility as a way to escape the negativity. Which is why it's so important that couples get help before things get much worse."

Note: Emotionally abusive or physically abusive behaviors aren’t normally associated with perimenopause and must be taken seriously and shouldn’t be accepted as normal.

Will Her Crazy Ever Stop?

Yes, these emotional and physical symptoms do come to an end.

Once a woman actually goes through menopause her hormones will stabilize and so will she.

In the meantime, if you’d like to help her work to control and manage her out-of-character behavior, there are more immediate and active steps that can help, and your support in this can be extremely beneficial.

You can help her by encouraging her to,

Exercise regularly. It’s crucial for overall health, but it can also help in maintaining hormonal balance.
Eat well. Healthy foods can also help with hormones balance and mood. Overly processed, sugary food, as well as caffeine and alcohol can exacerbate things.
Quiet her mind. Meditation and practicing mindfulness have proven helpful.

What To Take Away

If your wife seems like a different person sometimes and is acting crazy, you’re not alone.

More men than you realize have had to weather the mood swings associated with this phase of life. Have faith in your relationship and the love and affection you have for one another. As they say, this too shall pass.

Remember,

She’s the same woman you’ve always loved
She may be as confused as you are
This isn’t fun for her either
It will eventually end

So, when you begin to tell yourself, “My wife is crazy," consider the things mentioned above and try talking to her about them.

Through all of this communication is paramount. It’s quite possible that she will appreciate your effort at reaching out and trying to understand (just don't call her crazy).

Editor's Note: This post was originally published June 21, 2017, update on June 22, 2021, and has been updated again with new information for accuracy and comprehensiveness.